Am I horrible person for choosing someone else over my ex ?

Im trying as much as possible to move on without feeling guilt, but I keep failing.



My story is that I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he hurt me a lot , but he has also learnt many things along this time..of course some attitudes never change but I loved him so much I went over any pain he caused me..he also left me twice; the first time I waited 3 months for him to come back, he did .. and the relationship continued , we were very happy..a couple of months later he left me again, I decided to move on, I met another guy who is very nice, older than I am with 3 years (my ex boyfriend is younger with one year)..but a month later my ex shows up again, asking me back..crying and begging for another a chance..

I feel so bad right now.. I am not over him of course, and I am also not in love with this new guy yet ( we only know each other from a month).. I am between two very hard choices, I tried giving up on the new guy and giving my ex a chance but I felt empty, I missed the new guy very much and I couldn't tell my boyfriend "i love you" or anything like that.. maybe I need time to get used to him again? .. before my ex boyfriend came back, I felt good with this new guy, but since he came back, I feel bad and guilty for not giving him another chance (though I gave him a million chances before).. but what if he really changed ?

Also the fact that my ex is younger .. he needs a lot of time to move out of his parents house and become independent, he doesn't even have a job yet .. the new guy though has a stable career and have all it takes to get officially committed to someone else.. I don't care about money I swear .. I just wanna feel that I am marrying someone who can support a home ..someone who can provide security.

I don't know what to do.. I wanna give this new guy a chance, but I keep hearing my ex crying inside my head.. and I feel incredibly guilty .. if someone can help me, please do! thank you :)
Updates:
I kinda like it how you guys preferred the new guy , but the thing is that the temptation is so high with my boyfriend .. he is so sweet and he is trying so freaking hard .. I am really cold with him yet he keeps holding on , I just feel so bad for him .. I hate it , yet I don't wanna go back with him, ugh it feels awful , but thanks guys !

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd leave the ex in your past. he sounds fickle, immature and incapable of truly commiting. If you love someone you don't walk out on them 3x's. You just don't.

    i'm not sure you are necessarily ready for the new guy but I know the ex sounds like a bad move. Try not to feel guilty about it. You gave him a chance, in fact you gave him three chances. If he didn't learn to appreciate you rather than leave you on multiple occassions that is his loss and something he needs to worry about not you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You are in for heartache, all the way around. The ex is an abusive bum. You are a typical emotionally abused woman who is so f***ing blind she can't admit the abuse. The new guy will be shoved aside by you so that you can go back to the sh*tty abuse that is so normal and comfortable for you. Twenty years from now, you'll be in the same kind of sh*tty abusive relationships. It will be so normal for you, you won't even notice.

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  • no that's smart

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  • Are you a Christian?

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  • Nope you're ex is a bastard.

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What Girls Said 4

  • My opinion is that you should not feel guilty. He's the one who hurt you several times and has left you while you we're still being an amazing girlfriend and stayed true to him. You deserve to move on and be happy. I honestly don't see you being happy with your ex because he's going to continue to treat you like crap because he knows no matter what he does you're always going to take him back. Don't give him that. Show him that you deserve better. Three years is a long time, I understand, but if you continue giving him chances he's just gonna keep messing up. I truly believe this new guy will bring you the happiness you deserve. So I say ditch the ex and move on to the next! Hope I helped!

    Best of luck. (:

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  • I know how you are feeling. I recently went through the same thing. I went back to my ex on three different occasions. And he left three times. I finally had to ask myself if my love for him was worth the pain if he was to leave me again. I will love him for the rest of my life we were also together three years and 2 without him ever leaving me..it is extremely hard but you have to ask yourself if he will step up to the plate and work to support and love you. If you always have doubts your love for him will.not be as strong as you need it to be. I am not going to tell you which one to choose but I did finally decide to move on the first time I ended up cheating on the new one with the ex but I finally broke free and found someone let's call him guy number three that has showed me just what love is and I know he would never leave me. If you want to talk all you have to do is message me. I understand the pain.

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  • New guy. Your old guy doesn't know what he wants. Have fun, and cut off your ex completely.

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  • No because they're an ex for a reason

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