Breakup closure needed please

My ex and I broke up 1week ago. We were together in a serious relationship for 8 months and together every day. He was divorced for 4 months before we met and got into a relationship. His ex wife cheated on him with his ex best friend. My ex before him cheated on me leading to a broken engagement. We quickly developed a strong bond and connection talking non stop for hours day or night. I was there for him when he would wake up in the middle of the night upset sweating saying it hurt so bad. I helped him paint his house, watered his yard when he was away, cooked all the meals and cleaned his house. He said he loved me. He pressed for a serious relationship our parents met each other. He asked me if I would have his kids. He planned our budget, said he would move in with me if my parents were okay with that (they don't believe in living together before marriage) and he didn't want to disrespect them. A month ago, coinciding with the one year anniversary of the downfall of his marriage, he started treating me different, was moody didn't want to leave the house, spent all his time drinking or on online poker. He was snappy with me and started being rude like telling me my new shoes were the ugliest or duh when I asked if we were on the right road. I thought he was getting through this hard symbolic time from last year. Last week, I filled up his car tank full of gas because he needed my car and left me his his car in empty. I picked up his favorite steaks and bought a bunch of groceries he wanted . Came home all happy where he ignored me. I did the dishes and laundry. Sat down on the couch where he ignored my presence while talking on the phone. When I called him in it, he denied doing anything wrong. He said that he was feeling pressured for the next steps like moving in together and wasn't ready for that with anyone. I reminded him that he is the one that pushed or that and brought up moving our relationship forward with marriage and kids. He said he knew. Then he said he had mixed feelings. He said that his feelings aren't good and he doesn't see us making it long term. He didn't know why. He said he didn't know did sure we wouldn't make it but didn't think we would he felt it was better to break up now at 8 mths rather than a year. He said I do love you though. I got up and left immediately saying I knew he wasn't the man that deserved me if he was willing to let me go. He then tried to stop me from leaving. Last thing he said was he felt he was making the biggest mistake of his life. I left. I blocked him from calling or texting me. I feel used and angry. I can't make sense of him, was it all a lie? I know it doesn't matter now that he has treated me this way, but still bothers. Please give me some understanding.

Updates:
Thanks for your thoughts. I talked to my brother. He said it sounds like he got really scared. Plus, I know I was he rebound, which I told him in the beginning I was concerned about. He assured me it wasn't an issue. I was out of my relationship for one year before getting into a relationship with me. So he wasn't my rebound and I was ready. At the end of the day, he said things he shouldn't have said to make himself feel better then used me.
Update: Thanks for your thoughts. I talked to my brother. He said it sounds like he got really scared. Plus, I know I was he rebound, which I told him in the beginning I was concerned about. He assured me it wasn't an issue. I was out of my relationship for one year before getting into a relationship with me. At the end of the day, he said things he shouldn't have said to make himself feel better then used me.
I will never get back together with him ever! I don't think he expected me to kick him out of my life the way I did. But we make choices and he may not have respected me, but I will never let him near me again because I respect myself.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well for me it looks like, you were his rebound girl? I mean kinda suck but yea seems most like it. So while you were pretty much feeling up the void left by his wife, he went on with very huge plans. To feel everything fine and stuff and when the intial remorse and pain had gone. The reality of things set in and well,led to this. So as much I wouldn't tell it was a lie. It was more of a impulsive act.

    There is nothing nice about being the rebound person. Only thing you can do is especially if you, yourself just left a relationship give yourself time to be on your own. With at best parents and friends before heading in to another relationship.

    So you did the right action. It isn't going to work out if he hadn't gotten over his wife and especially after showing that acts on impulse. I mean to be fair to him he was down but still it wouldn't have led to anything better. So you did the right thing for you and for him too. He needs healing, can't be done by taking you as a replacement for his wife. Not going to work, so yea you did the right thing.

    Give yourself some time too and if you do choose to return back to him. That is your choice. If you don't, then in your next one. Go slow and if the other party rushes, sit them down talk clearly to them to set everything straight if they are serious and all.

    Just saying what I think. I am just 20 ><" . This is at best I could think. Hope I could help.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Some people go through this, sometimes constantly. It sounded at one point like he was trying to pick a fight, and at others like he had cold feet. It sounded to me like someone who was unhappy. Find out why.

    Also, most people take a year to become comfortable enough to truly be themselves, this varies however and if your brother knows him well he's probably right.

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What Girls Said 4

  • it's hard dating a divorced guy. I dated one and he was still 'seperated' and moved on quickly onto another girl who he also broke up with.

    that's just because he doesn't know what he wants and its good you made a clean cut. It hurts less when you don't want them to be in your life.

    It was hard for me too but now I'm engaged to someone who cares.

    take care and best of luck

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  • I had been with a separated guy for one year and few months and recently we broke up. Before the break-up. we were fine, for me, I don't for him and he just said he needed some space and did not contact me for days which lead me to breaking up with him and he just let me go without explaining what the reason for his needing space was. I discovered he is dating another girl and only a few days after we broke up or perhaps just that I don't know may be earlier before we broke up

    I don't generalize but I guess most separated / divorced guys really do the rebound relationship and I felt very stupid to believe him so what I would just like to tell you is its better you are out of your relationship. You may not realize the advantage it serves you but if you can get a better guy, you would thank the situation you are now in. He is not worth it, so does my ex-bf - they are suckers!

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  • I think you did the right thing. Just try to surround yourself with positive people.

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  • I think he was using you to replace his wife just for the moment until he can get over her. I'm sure he love his ex and especially being married to her will make it harder for him to move on fast to you. I know you did a lot for him but it was kind of your fault to do so. I`m sure he is done using you and don't want you around anymore that's why he did what he did. Just be glad that he told you rather than keep pretending. Life goes on, you don't need some one like that in your life.

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