When I met my boyfriend, around a year ago, I was made aware of his past. My boyfriend is 30, I am 22 - he was married 4 years ago and has a step-daughter and a son with his ex. My boyfriend and his ex really aren't in love anymore, that isn't a worry in the slightest but his ex is very bitter towards me. I understand it must be so difficult to see another woman be introduced to your children, especially as the children have taken to me so much but it feels as though she is doing anything in her power to make mine and my boyfriend's lives miserable. I totally understand that my boyfriend and his kids' mum must have contact when necessary, to discuss arrangements with the children. However, according to my boyfriend, since him and I got together, this contact is much more frequent and manipulative than it otherwise had been. His ex is happily re-married, to a good looking, kind man and they are planning their first child together but it is as though she is determined that my boyfriend cannot be happy without her say so (which makes no sense as she cheated on him). As I say I don't mind them having contact when it is necessary, for things such as where he needs to pick the kids up from or if they're ill. What I do have an issue with though, is texts and phone calls that are simply to attack his parenting skills, to attack me and to completely ruin our days. For instance, she will always text on a Friday night when my boyfriend doesn't have the kids, knowing him and I will be out... and these texts will always be unnecessary and nasty. He has tried talking to her, he has tried cutting contact and going through his mother, he has tried talking to her partner but it is not stopping and is putting a strain on our relationship despite our best efforts. I would really appreciate any positive feedback/advice from someone who has perhaps been in a similar situation. Thanks :)
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I'd imagine she still does feel some sort of connection to the boyfriend. And doesn't' like the idea that the father of her child is seeing someone else. But I think this is something that will fade particularly if you two just kind of let it fade to black. If two of you just sort of appease her for a bit, kill her with kindness but also don't acknowledge the nasty crap she says perhaps she will realize that her actions aren't getting the reactions she's hoping for.
most often when people are acting childish/petty/etc. what they are really feeding of is the reactions they get. So a child stomps around the house when they don't get what they want because they hope to get attention that will re-enforce their behavior (stomping=attention). I'd try to not re-enforce her actions or at least not re-enforce them the way she wants. Additionally I'd continue to maintain a relationship wiht her new partner maybe even forwarding specifically nasty stuff (if appropriate for him to read) so that the new partner could address it with her directly, cause frankly I'd be mad at my wife/partner for behaving the way she is0