I'm having emotional problems .. are we meant to be or not .. could you help?

I'm 19. Last November my high school boyfriend-at-the-time broke up with me. We were not compatible anymore + he made less effort with me. It broke my heart.

I met a guy at my uni in February this year who quickly became my best friend. He began to fall for me. He has spent thousands of dollars on me in total over the last six months and shows me everyday that he cares. We spend the majority of our time together, he buys me flowers and we share the same values and beliefs.

The blow has gotten lighter from my last breakup but the pain was still there and re-surfaces when I think too much about the day my ex walked away.

This current guy and I progressed to being 'cuddle buddies'. I would feel butterflies when with him sometimes. A couple of weeks ago I kissed him and felt like I wanted to be with him and he asked me out, but then the next day I felt so depressed, fearing whether I was actually ready to move on or not, so then we weren't together and went back to just being 'cuddle buddies' and kissing..

Last night, he told me he decided that he wanted to act like friends now because the way I change all the time is hurting him too much. He said he's NOT giving up, he just wants to "preserve" himself so that if one day if I want to be with him in a long-term relationship that is actually stable, he won't be "emotionally dead", and when I'm ready I should let him know.

After that talk, I went back to my room and just cried.

I've been really depressed today as well.

I can't imagine a life without him and miss him when he's not around. He was thinking today of changing rooms at my hall because his room has too many memories with me in it and that caused this ache in my chest to form. He said he's felt like sh*t today so he doesn't know what the right thing is to do anymore.

Do you think it sounds like we should just be together before he's completely gone or are we just not meant to be?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i think you need to remember something that you said...

    "We were not compatible anymore + he made less effort with me."

    So the heartbreak you're feeling is not the loss of some great relationship btu the loss of the potential. The potential seems to be there with this new guy. try not to let a high school relationship that you knew needed to end ruin the chances with a new guy. I would respect what the new guy has said about just being friends until you can feel comfortable getting into a new relationship because blurring the lines while you aren't still ready will ruin it.

    Relish the fact that you have a guy who clearly wants you. Be with him if you can 100% put yourself into and leave that past relationship behind... You have to bury the past. Learn from the past, but don't live in it. Think of your present with consideration to your future. I don't think you should be in a relationship for fear of losing it, you should be in it because you are ready and want to be in it. You've got to get yourself ready for a relationship and until then you should create a space between the dude and you. not that you can't be friends but don't blur the lines of friendship

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What Guys Said 3

  • Sounds like young-people drama. First, you're both ill-equipped for this, but that's okay, everyone is. Secondly you propose the most nonsensical options; "Was it written in the stars or not?", how about "It takes work, am I willing?" There are no magic fairies here. What he said is valid and you, princess, just need to get over this old dude. Yeah, he hurt your feelings, etc. I get that and I am not against sympathizing with you but you're burning your bridges over something that, honestly, doesn't matter.

    Okay, I totally don't sound like I get it, but that's the trick: I do. In the history of mankind you are definitely not the first and you honestly won't be the last and the same thing has been true all-the-way through on this subject. You remove the mysticism, throw out the junk emotions by just going through them, and then move on!

    People like to add BS value to other people. When you decide to embrace the future and the present and just let go of the past ( and it's easier than it sounds actually ) you'll be good to go. What he did is the right thing; while you're trying to have this emotional fit for literally no reason he has no reason to stick around you through it because he's not able to help you because you don't want to press on. You've given someone who isn't even there power over you for no reason. None.

    Do you even see your little ex-boyfriend? I mean at worst just stop making the effort to keep him in your life and voila, done, poof.

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  • It's been almost a year since your HS boyfriend. If you're not ready now to move on, what will it take for you to be there? Clearly jerking this new guy around isn't working out for you.

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  • I've changed my mind. You clearly need something to do so just "follow your heart" or whatever it is that the cliche is. Let's go with the "It's meant to be" thing. Maybe it's just not. Hopefully you will find your starchild someday.

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What Girls Said 1

  • it doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on the internet think; it matters what you feel and what you know.

    Take as much time as you need and figure out what you want, weigh your options, be realistic but follow your heart. When you know what you want then tell him, until then just be honest with him and let him know that your confused. Let him know that when you met him you were heartbroken over your ex, I'm sure he will understand. Close that door before opening another one.

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