Is cheating ever acceptable? What are your thoughts?

I have a female friend who's married. She's got two children and a whole 'life' built with her husband, that she doesn't really want to chuck.

However, he's not had sex with her in over a year (by her account). NOTHING. Not a hand-hold, a kiss, nothing.

While cheating is wrong by all accounts. I kinda wouldn't fault her if she went and got some on the side. What are your thoughts?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The modern official take is that divorce is always ethically fine, and cheating never is.

    I'm not sure its that clear.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Girls Said 21

  • No, it's not justified. Whether it was a man or woman in this situation.

    Bottom line is they made promises. You have no idea what is really going on in their marriage. She may be lying to you. She may not have made any effort to fix their issues. Or, she may have held onto a bad relationship for way too long. No matter the reason, unless her husband is accepting of her fulfilling those needs elsewhere, it's wrong. When you start creating exceptions about cheating, it can be a very easy trap to fall into for both men and women. We all want to cheat at some point or another, but our morals keep us from making a big mistake.

    If she's being honest and she's worked to fix it, I definitely feel for her. That would be a miserable life to be apart of, and even more difficult to walk away from when you've already built a home with children. However, that's the risk you take when you say "I do." You take the good with the bad. Plus, once she cheats, she risks him finding out and initiating a divorce anyway.

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  • Have they tried marriage counseling? It seems like the husband, if this woman is telling the truth about her situation, that the husband is either very depressed, feeling very insecure, or he's being unfaithful to her. Has she told her husband how she feels, of course not while her kids are in the same room, but she should sit down with him and tell him, "Is there something going on I don't know about? I don't like how we haven't had sex in over a year...I want to know why and I want to have a better relationship with you and more sex with you."

    I don't think cheating is ever acceptable. If two spouses are having marital problems, they should first, try to work things out by compromising and talking about their feelings to each other/having better or working on enhancing their communication. If that doesn't work, they should go to a marriage counselor or a psychologist, depending on their situation. If they can't get along well after that, after having really tried several times, and/or if they argue more than they talk or do nice things for or with each other, then I'd call it an unhealthy relationship. If they can't work out their problem(s) between themselves and compromise, then I think it'd be best for both people to separate and/or divorce. It kind of makes it more difficult, that the couple has children together, but whatever the couple feels is best for them to do(whether they divorce or stay together), should be done. But they shouldn't feel like they must stay together because they have children. There are some cases where divorce is not necessarily an evil thing or a bad thing. In the case of a spouse continually cheating on the other one, I think divorce is fine. In the case of a spouse being physically and/or verbally violent towards the other spouse(whether it's the man or the woman), I think divorce is fine. Or if one spouse is very controlling of the other spouse, and tells the person who they can and can't spend time with(like their friends or family for example) or what they can and what they can't wear I think divorce is fine. Or if the couple cannot successfully work out their issue(s) with each other in a healthy and a better way over time and one or both of them feels very unfulfilled and/or mostly miserable together, then the couple should get a divorce.

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  • She can choose to have word with her husband about her concern and if things doesn't work out, she may have to seriously consider to leave him but her children will suffer so it is a tough decision. No matter what reason or excuse, cheating is wrong.

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  • Usually it's the guy who cheat but I had the same situation before. If it's the case why they're staying together. Obviously there's no love. Cheating is never acceptable, there's no good reason for cheating. My life us miserable when I'm with my ex husband I love my kids so much and I had a chance to do things like that but it's not me. Cheating us never acceptable.

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  • No matter how long you've been together with someone, cheating is never okay. If you truly loved that person you wouldn't have cheated behind their back. If someone did that to me, I would not give them another chance.

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  • If anyone cheat in a relationship then the other side is also guilty... Guilty for even being with a person like that, for not knowing better before the marriage, for not giving enough affection and love, for not being smart enough to feel and check. You always have to know where your spouse is, and you have to have a built wall of trust. So- no I wouldn't blame her. But maybe it would be better if she talked to him and tell him that she need love and emotions, that she doesn't get it from him and that if that continues shell file for divorce and find someone who cares.

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  • No, cheating isn't acceptable. I think she should talk to her husband. If she cheats and he finds out somehow, she'll go through hell. Which is worse.

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  • Cheating is completely NOT acceptable. File for divorce

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  • Not acceptable, if he doesn't make her happy then they really shouldn't be together :/ cheating IS cheating

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  • We should always ask our own conscience than to ask the users here regarding this.

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  • he could be gay

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  • No.

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  • In my opinion cheating is never okay! I have never been cheated on, but I have a friend that has. It hurt her really badly when she found out. So I'd say no it isn't under any circumstances.

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  • It may not be acceptable but, it can be hot.

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  • Cheating is never ok. If she's not getting any, she should talk to him instead of cheating

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  • It's never acceptable. Never

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  • I'm thinking he is busy on the side himself

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  • No never. I don't care what the situation is.

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  • No, it's never justified.

    If people are unhappy in their relationships, they either need to work on fixing the problem(s) or they should get out to the relationship and find one that they ARE happy with.

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    • Nothing anyone ever does gives someone the right to cheat on them. It gives them the right to get out of the relationship.

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    • It's not just about staying together for the kids benefit.

      It can also be a matter of wanting to be in their lives more than every other weekend.

      I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect people to choose between that and celibacy because their partner is backing out of their wedding vows in a different way.

    • If two people agree to have an open marriage, if they think that'll help, then that's their choice and their right.

      I wouldn't want anything like that myself.

      I believe people should take marriage, and fidelity, seriously. It's sad that more don't.

      And, if my husband cheated on me, it would end our marriage anyway. If we're having problems and we start working on it, we may be able to save it. If he cheats, there is no saving it.

  • It wouldn't be acceptable, but I feel for her. I'm assuming she's talked to him about it. They should consider opening up the relationship if discussion hasn't gotten them anywhere.

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What Guys Said 11

  • All marriages have at their foundation a mutual agreement to love and to hold. The groom enters the agreement on the condition that the bride upholds her end, and the bride enters the agreement on the condition that the groom upholds his.

    If either party to the agreement fails to uphold their end, then the mutual agreement itself is dissolved. When the mutual agreement dissolves, the other party is no longer obligated to act in accordance with that agreement, because there is no such agreement anymore. For the mutual agreement to remain binding on both, it must be upheld by both.

    (This is the same reasoning behind economic transactions. When you dine out, you and the restaurant enter a mutual agreement in which you pay for the food and the restaurant provides the food. If either partner fails to uphold their end, then the other party is no longer obligated to act in accordance with that agreement. So, if you do not pay for the food, then the restaurant is not obligated to provide it, and if the restaurant does not provide the food, then you are not obligated to pay for it. For the mutual agreement to remain binding on you and the restaurant, it must be upheld by both, you and the restaurant.)

    A husband and wife have entered into a mutual agreement to love and to hold. If the wife craves physical intimacy (to hold) and the husband is capable of providing it, yet the husband refuses to provide it for a long time with no end in sight and he does not make an honest effort to address the reasons that he has not been providing it, then he has failed to uphold his end of the agreement. That dissolves the mutual agreement, which means there is no longer an agreement that the wife is bound to. If the wife then pursues physical intimacy with someone else, then the husband has only himself to blame.

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  • Everybody has different strokes in life, some people accept cheating and others don't. This is the way I see it. Cheating is only unacceptable if you HATE people who cheat. If you have a code of life that you expect others to fill, you better damn well follow it yourself.

    I hate cheaters, so, thus, I would never cheat. There are people who are okay with people who cheat, as weird as that sounds.

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  • Never under any circumstances is cheating okay.

    The adult thing to do is deal with the problem in the relationship - which lack of intimacy is a symptom of. Deal with the issues, rather than look for satisfaction else where.

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  • She does realize that there is this thing called "communication", right? Like, as in she communicates her problems to her husband so they can be resolved.

    And if that doesn't work, there is also relationship therapists. They help solve issues just as she described in relationships.

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    • Lol. Yeah, that's it. For the year, she never thought to mention it, and he just forgot to have sex with her.

    • What if he is suffering from depression or something and doesn't have any sexual desire? How should know if she never asked him and thought about getting him help.

    • While that's possible, most married people who haven't had sex in years and are talking to friends about it have tried virtually anything they can think of already.

      The person without a drive has to actually want to work on it. Some do. But many are simply happy not having sex. They view their partners annoying habit of complaining about it as the problem, rather than anything with themselves.

  • NO, I dont believe cheating is EVER FINE. If its not working out than talk to the other person. Especially if you're married.

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  • You can't justify cheating in my opinion. If you're having relationship problems, do you really think cheating is a solution or a quick fix?

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  • I think the difference here lies between whether it is understandable or not and not whether it is at all acceptable. It is unethical to lie, period, for gains with knowledge that it is a loss for everyone else and does not protect them in any way. However it is understandable or we can sympathize with the wrongdoer more if there is a stronger reason for the behavior and honestly a lack of emotional / sexual fulfillment, despite being unethical, is valid grounds for expression outside of commitment.

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  • Anything goes in life.

    Monogamy doesn't work, and morals are anything one makes them to be.

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  • I don't think cheating is ever the best option.

    But if your spouse isn't having sex with you, he/she is effectively breaking the marriage agreement as most people understand it.

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  • why don't she buy a big vibrator. I HATE CHEATERS, shame shame shame, she's got two children? shame shame shame. how old are they big enough to understand about sex? shame shame shame.

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    • Probably because what she's lacking is not an orgasm, but rather a feeling of being desired, connected, sexually appreciated and fulfilled.

  • The married couple is this story are both idiots. They shouldn't be together. No kissing, or touching in a year? I find that hard to believe. No...as an adult...you don't take your toys and play elsewhere for self gratification. They both made a vow to each other which they've broken. They need to get their issues fixed through a counselor..or they need to get out of this dispicable situation they find themselves in. The only thing they have in common is their kids..thats it. It's clear they do not love each other.

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    • Its very, very common.

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    • Communication solves a wild libido mismatch how, exactly?

    • The right communication can solve anything from WWIII from occuring to sexual issues. Hey, if they're not even kissing, or holding hands...they have a lot more problems going on than just a wild libido mismatch. I know men and women are are sworn enemies who would have sex if they were stranded on a desert island for a year!

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