Are a drunk man's words a sober man's thoughts??

Ok, so I was at this person's birthday party and he was REALLY drunk! He and I have talked for hours and hours before & I really like him.

He continued to come up to JUST me at the party and put his arm around me and ask if I wanted to go make out, loud enough so everyone could hear. I would politely turn him down as it was like a joke. Then he would tell me "I love you, I love you, I love you" and I would just smile. He would follow me EVERYWHERE I went at this party and always make some excuse to put his arm around me. He said, "I really like you. you are a good friend, I really like you."

My guess is you guys are thinking, "if you like HIM so much, why are you sending mixed messages?" Well, here's the rub to the whole damn thing...he's my best friend...I'm married to his cousin...and his wife is having an affair & he doesn't know (I know, sounds like a Jerry Springer episode, except we're all upper professionals who don't live in trailors! LOL)

Anyway, I KNOW this is wrong, I KNOW this could end in a HUGE STEAMING MESS. I think about this all the time! If your answer is intended to "save me" from myself and reiterate that fact, please spare me the lecture, I am AWARE of the horribleness. The fact is, I want to know if YOU were at this party and saw this, what would you think? It was so intense I had to "get away" to the bathroom several times.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with your first comment that a "drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts".

    The first problem is that it sounds like he would have trouble being discreet. And the second problem is that if his wife is cheating on him, he is ignoring her in the bedroom. Two good reasons for you to ignore his advances. Not lecturing, because it sounds like you are being ignored too, or you would be more offended by his pawing.

    I have a theory. Men cheat if they can get away with it, women cheat if they are ignored by their husband. Women are usually offended by advances from another man if she is happily married. Of course it can go both ways, a man will cheat if he is ignored too, but the rule of thumb is women don't usually step out if their man is paying attention to them.

    Another rule of thought I subscribe to is if a man accuses his wife of cheating when there is no real evidence, he is usually cheating and projecting his guilt onto his wife.

    I believe in open marriages, being honest, and if you like the wild side, swinging is the best option.

    Good Luck,


    • You seem to understand marriage dynamics. I'm starting to believe in open marriage too. Yes, I'm DEF getting ignored...4 over a year. Tried counselling, the whole circus, blah blah blah. I guess, really, this man's advances just make me feel good about myself.

    • Show All
    • I really appreciate your insight. I like to think I am attrractive. Truthfully, I DON'T want anyone BUT my husband! I can't see feeling the same way about anyone else, BUT I am a woman and have a libido and need that satified...maybe looking elsewhere is good, but I just wish he would come on GEEZE! Is a wife wanting sex all the time SUCH a bad thing?

    • Some men would love to have a wife who thinks like you. My wife woke up to her desire about a year ago, and went from wanting it twice a week to almost everyday. I needed a "phone a friend" option... lol.. rent the TV series Swingtown and ask him to watch it with you. Maybe it will open some doors for you both. Good Luck, James

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • "Please spare me the lecture"

    Okay... fine. Here's blunt honesty...

    Someone at the party probably told your husband. It's possible he was just drunk and knows his wife is cheating on him, so he's going after you because he notices the slightest connection. And I think your marriage might be over soon if you don't tell your husband the truth that you have feelings for another man. Or maybe he'll just beat the crap out of his cousin. Who knows. But either way, it's safe to say everyone knows now since he made it so public.

    Hows that for avoiding the lecture.

  • If I were at that party, I'd think everyone had too much to drink, and the drunk guy is airing his dirty laundry in public.

    But I'd also wonder why you didn't leave the party, or why you didn't "turn him down" more firmly and assertively after the first "polite" effort didn't do the trick. I'd think that you were just as big a part of the problem as him.


What Girls Said 1

  • I for one love everyone when I'm drunk, everything is great and I drunk call friends just to tell them I love them sometimes. Lol. I know you said you really like him but do you like him enough to risk breaking your wedding vowels? I don't know you of course so I don't want to be too forward but... if you are married to this mans cousin then if you have any relationship that consists of more than friends then you will live with it for the rest of your married life. And if he is drunk and was saying I love you I love you and wanted to make out, you can't be sure that is what he would want if he was sober. maybe take him aside when he is sober and talk to him. People can be quite honest when they are drunk. I would hate for you to end up beating yourself up in the end because of cheating, esp if it is with his cousin. . . .

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