Don't trust boyfriend and don't know what to do

I've been really struggling lately and I'm hoping someone can help : /

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and I love him a lot. About halfway into the relationship, I caught him sexting another girl while he was drunk. I broke up with him and stayed that way for a couple of weeks. He apologized profusely saying he was an idiot and didn't want to lose me.

I came back and caught him doing it again. I threatened to leave again, but he begged so I didn't. I told him that the only way I would stay is if he went to therapy. He said for whatever reasons he sometimes feels the need to get attention from other girls for "validation." So, we went to couples therapy for a few months.

Since then, he's changed tremendously. He doesn't get drunk like he used to, doesn't have his phone attached to his like before, and is way more attentive. I went to therapy myself for self esteem reasons (I felt pretty low about myself after what he did) and was feeling much better.

But lately, I can't shake the feeling that I made a mistake giving him those other chances. He's really changed, but I can't let it go. I know it wasn't physically cheating, but it felt like it. The betrayal is still there and I still can't totally trust him.

Before all of this happened, we moved in together and I could see myself spending my life with him. Since then, though, I feel like an idiot. He hasn't given me reason not to trust him recently, but part of me wonders if he really did change and if I'm being naive thinking he did.

I just don't know what to do..?


Most Helpful Guy

  • you gave him the chance, he's turning it around.

    if you forgive you have to forgive 100%. understand that he's human and as a human is prone to making mistakes. but the true sign of maturity and devotion is honest (which him explaining his weakness) and then making the effort to fix himself (which is him going to therapy).

    obviously breaking up with him now is totally your decision but he did what you asked so you probably need to cut him a break

    • You're right. I know I need to forgive him and learn to trust him again, it's just hard.

    • Show All
    • it's tough... good luck!

    • Thanks! I appreciate it : )

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  • I'm in a very similar situation. My bf of almost a year has been sexting old "girl" friends from his past. I've been devastated by this discovery abd can't shake the thought of my mind. I can't confront him yet as I'm super emotional right now yet it'll be test to see how he reacts being caught red handed when I do. Super heart broken as I was planning to move in with him. I don't trust him anymore to say the least.

    • : / if you need any guidance let me know!

  • Honestly, he shouldn't have had the chances you gave him. But you did give him chances, and this most recent time, he is showing a turn around. As a result, it'd be unfair to have agreed to give him a chance, and then walk away despite the fact that he is really showing improvement with this latest chance.

    That being said, even if he is doing everything right, and even though it will get you a lot of backlash since he is improving, leave him. Even if 110% guarantee that he isn't doing anything wrong and has fixed his issues with needing attention, you can't be with someone you don't trust, even if you aren't justified in feeling that way. You just can't. Break up with him.


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