Guys can you help me? I don't understand my boyfriend.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 12 months. We get on like a house on fire, we are so close, we go to work but neither of use can wait to be with each other when we get home to talk. We really trust each other and I thought we wanted the same things. When we got together I made it clear to him I was looking for a real relationship and one where we could see our futures together. He said that he was looking for the same and couldn't wait to move in with me one day. We have come to a crossroads where we are both applying for jobs. He has decided to get a job in his home town, because he said he loves his life there and I didn't stop him of course I wanted him to be happy. Whenever I brought it up about us seeing each other next year, he just kept saying you know I love you very much, but we both need to get jobs and we can see each other at weekends. I said to him I would move for him, but I didn't get an overly enthusiastic response and he never suggested moving in together. The rest of the time we had a great time together but this was niggling at me and when it came for us to part ways I got really upset (silly I know), ended up balling my eyes telling him how much I was going to miss him and asking him why did he never made plans for us to be together next year. He also began crying said he thought about it for a number of months and said he didn't know what to do. He was clear and said it was too soon for us to move in together and too soon for us to get married. Then for some reason he suddenly started saying things as if we were breaking up. He said no matter what happens I will always love you, no matter how many boyfriends or girlfriends we have in the future I will always care about you, and we can hang out together like we always do, just not have sex and laughed. Boys would you say this to someone you truly loved? I don't get why he didn't want to progress our relationship. I never suggested marriage or moving in but I did want to hear that the relationship was moving on, not backwards.

I feel like have wasted 12 months devoting myself to someone who found the relationship very superficial. I don't know like I said, I don't understand him, any thoughts?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you really want an honest answer keep reading but you aren't going to like what you are going to hear.

    I don't sugar coat so here goes.

    I am sure at one point he really liked you, but he told you what you wanted to hear because he really wanted to have sex with you. He got a job in another city to make it easier to break up with you. Some guys are just weak at breakups. Everything he said in guy speak is "we are done". This might be a bit harsh but he doesn't want to see you anymore. He doesn't want to talk to you anymore, he is finished with you. There probably isn't anyone else but he is just not done playing the field, or you fell into the screwable but not datable camp. You did nothing wrong, in fact you probably did everything right - some guys are just retarded and don't know or care what they have/could have.

    Yes you devoted yourself to the wrong guy and it sucks. My advice - get drunk move on and nothing gets you over the last guy like the next guy. Just make sure the next guy puts you in the screwable and datable camp. One way to find out for sure? HAVE DINNER with his parents. Guys almost never introduce girls to their parents and have dinner with them unless they mean something.

    Sorry ...

    • Thank you, I prefer a blunt answer otherwise like I said I'm just guessing and I can't make any decisions. I agree with you I think he was slowly backing away with me, however the reason I don't understand is because in fact he introduced me to his parents 2 weeks into the relationship, which I myself thought was too soon, and took me to have dinner with his parents every weekend, so naturally you can see why I am confused by his behavior . Thanks though :)

    • Hmm...then you were in the screwable datable camp but not the screwable I want to marry you camp. There are 4 basic categories guys put women into.

      A) I will never screw you

      B) I will screw you but I won't date you in public

      C) I will screw you Date you in public but I won't marry you

      D) I will screw you date you and marry you and hope to screw you all the time.

      So it looks like C) for you. Really tough on women that one because it could very easily be confused with D). Find a D guy! You rock!

    • Thank you :) you're very kind. I will go find Mr D he he

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What Guys Said 1

  • i think he wasn't really into the relationship to the point to commit and get married, both of you were getting jobs, getting older, lives where changing so fast. I think that may have scared him and he just wanted to slow down and enjoy himself, but he knew you wanted more and I'm guessing, didn't want you to wait for when he was finally ready to start a serious relationship, also a year isn't that long to start moving in together and such, because that's when you start to see the whole of the other, not just on dates or hanging out, your in their every day lives, you see everything, I don't think you should be jumping to that at only a year, but you obviously love him and I think you should tell him how you feel instead of holding it in, maybe he'll understand, hope this helps

    • Yeah I agree with you, I didn't suggest moving in with him, or marriage, but I had offered to move nearer him and get a job, which he didn't really respond to. I guess that was a sign he didn't really want me around that much. Thank you :)

    • don't worry theirs always someone that will treat you right, he just wasn't that guy

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