I have a horrible fear of divorce/being left. How do I change that?

Ever since I can remember I had a terrible fear of divorce. I have never been married, but when I do get married, I want it to be for life. I know that many people think that way too, that's not my fear. My fear comes from the fact that I see many couples get divorced, even when they swore divorce was not an option, even if they were Catholic like me (hence why I don't believe in divorce), even if they seemed perfect for each other. I am just SO scared of it, that it makes me scared to get married. My boyfriend and I just recently started talking about getting married one day, and he seemed so excited about it, and I thought I was going to pass out. I am SO scared that we will get married, but then he will suddenly realize he doesn't want to be with me anymore and will leave me. And I do not recognize divorce, so I'd probably have to kill myself. I'm sorry I'm not trying to judge people who are divorced, if you are and you are happy that's awesome, it's just something I know I could not live through or tolerate in myself. I am just extremely paranoid that someone will leave me, no matter who it is. This has nothing to do with my current guy, he is amazing and I know he loves me. I have felt like that with any guy I was ever with - that if I do one thing wrong, or he meets someone better/more compatible with him, he will just get up and leave. How do I get over my fears? Does it sound like I need professional help? I am just terrified of marriage failure and being left by someone I have committed my life to.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hate to sound like a quote but here goes. Sometimes you have to take a chance on love "marriage" if that and hope and pray that its going to last. It is very hard work to be married, but sometimes people fall out of love even "marriage". If you don't take that chance, leap of faith, then you will regret for the rest of your life. What if I did this, what if I did that, sometimes you have to take that chance.

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    • You are right. With great risk comes great reward, huh? ;) I wish I could just trust that someone won't just get up and leave me for some silly reason :/

    • Listen. As the saying goes, if someday he decides to leave and doesn't comeback, then it wasn't meant to be. At least you tried and eventually someday you will fall in love with someone else who will appreciate you. If he leaves and comes back, then he would've realized he made a mistake and spend the rest of his life making it up to you. Win - Win.

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What Guys Said 3

  • thing is divorce is a lot more common than it was lets say 20 - 30 years ago or further back in time . I think the way to avoid a divorce is to find a person your really compatible with and wants to be with you for reasons other than money or appearance , someone who has a much deeper connection to you and has a lot in common and wants the same things in life

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    • But I know people who had all that, who seemed perfect and like the last couple to ever separate, and they still got divorced. I just don't know how to find someone or know someone that will not do that to me.

  • Simple solution...don't ever get married.

    Otherwise there is only one way. There ain't nothin to it but to do it!

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    • I really do want to get married though. I just don't know how to deal with my fear of potential divorce and trusting that it won't happen :/

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    • Yeah I think you are right. There is no need for me to be paranoid about something 4 years in advance, because like you said, maybe even in one year I will get there and feel the same about marriage as he does. I guess because it is just so soon for me now, I am scared. And you are right, if in 3 years I don't want to get married, I don't have to. Very good points. THANKS!

    • You are very welcome. Glad I could help!

  • I feel the same way.

    My parents started the long divorce process when I was ten. It was emotionally exhausting for me, especially just before puberty. It really messed me up. I actually feel like I've been divorced.

    I couldn't handle a second divorce. I probably would kill myself out of exhaustion/heartbreak.

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What Girls Said 1

  • From my experience, this may stem from your childhood and not just because you've seen good couples get divorced. Perhaps at some point in your life you were abandoned by someone you trusted, or relied on someone you thought would be there, but wasn't. I believe you should get help for this. Your feeling very insecure and its obviously something on your mind a lot. This kind of thinking could cause problems for any future relationship you may have, but also put unnecessary stress and hurt on yourself too. Good luck😊

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