Can I get my fiance back?

Ok…..sorry for the length of this but here it goes.

I’m in my late 20s. Four months completely out of the blue my fiancé breaks up with me three months before our wedding. We were together since I was 19 years old (all through college, grad school, etc.) We had been living together for over 6 years and were very much in love. We had joint finances, loved each others’ families and shared the exact same life aspirations. We were both working professionals with very successful careers. We literally had the dream life together for years.

When she ended our engagement I was devastated, furious and in complete denial as to what was wrong with our relationship. I moved out and took another job on the other side of the country. I didn’t have any contact with her again after that. My first week away I started to reassess my life and understood why it was that she left; basically I had become completely lazy and started taking everything for granted. I didn’t pay attention to her. I used drugs and stopped having sex. Literally there was not a single thing I was doing to keep her happy.

I soon realized how much I had f***ed up, and became resolved to the fact that I would likely never see her again. But I immediately started to do things to improve my life so I would never make the same mistake again. I started working out and eating right. I got sober. I started kicking ass in my new career and making more money than I knew what to do with. A few weeks later my life was on the right track again; my sex life was great, I felt healthy and I started dating a gorgeous, intelligent girl that any guy would be lucky to have.

Last week I had to travel for work and I found myself in the same city where my fiancé and I used to live. I didn’t plan on seeing her but she found I out I was in town and asked if I wanted to meet for dinner. We went out my last night in town and I could tell that she was surprised with how different I was and how much effort I had put into improving myself. And while I hadn’t thought about her for weeks, she all of a sudden looked more attractive to me than she ever did before. I could see the pain in her eyes and feelings of regret that things hadn’t worked out. afterward we took a walk around the city and before I knew it we were in each others’ arms again. I spend the night with her after having some of the best sex we had ever had together. The next morning I had to leave but we still couldn’t keep our hands off each other. The next day after I was back home I texted her and we agreed that we would try to keep in touch this time around.

Now that’s not enough for me. She’s all I can think about and all I ever wanted in my life. I would anything to have another shot with her but I honestly don’t know how to proceed. I have no idea if she’s dating other people, or if what happened that night was a moment of weakness for her that she’s already starting to regret. My mind tells me that’s possible and
Updates:
even likely, but my heart tells me that after all these years she still must feel something for me and that if I can convince her somehow that these changes are permanent we could have another shot at this.


I have no idea how I should proceed right now. I can’t tell her how I feel as that is only likely to scare her off. But I worry if I wait she will eventually move on. What should I say when I e-mail her? Should I try to arrange my work schedule so that I’m near her again? Please help

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should definitely try patching things up. I mean, you guys were together for so long, I'm sure there's still something there. You making a change in your life and straightening things out was only for the better, not only for future relationships but for yourself, and that's a great thing man, that you took that step. There's really no other way you could go about it but being upfront about it and telling her how you feel. And if she feels the same way still, which I'm sure she does, I mean you guys were close to getting married, you still have a shot! Good luck!

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What Girls Said 3

  • My 2 cents - you are the guy, basically expected for you to lead here. Also YOU were one responsible for the break-up pretty much, drove her away, so I kinda think it's up to you now to fix it. Tell her.

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  • Well, you know her more than I do, so if you think she's sincere about her regretting what she had done to you..May be a serious and honest talk is needed between the two of you to clear out what happened that resulted to the breakup. Besides, I still can see that you love each other still and are willing to get back together again. You are both mature and have had tried being apart and it can help you if you get back together as you will both know the importance of each others' presence but what I can advise is to both assess yourselves if you still love each other in a way that you would not foul up your relationship again so give much time before getting back into the relationship. :)

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  • i hope it works out for you

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What Guys Said 3

  • It's pretty clear she won't be scared off by you suggesting getting back together. Clearly she's keeping track of you, or she wouldn't have knows you were even in the area.

    I doubt she's moved on yet, so go for it. As for convincing her the changes you made are permanent, I think you have already done that the best possible way!

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  • Yes you do tell her how you feel. Lay your cards in the table. Man up and tell her what you feel and what you want.

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  • I would just put the cards on the table. You two are both adults and you both obviously still care about each other. You are the guy so you must take the first step because most times women won't.

    Expect to put in work though and keep bettering yourself because you will have to prove this isn't a temporary fix. I am sure she thinks about you too. Just talk to her about it and see how she feels. Talk about giving it another go and you realized what you did wrong and you have been changing that. If she really still cares about you she will be up for another shot.

    Only way to find out is to lay your cards on the table. Just don't come off as desperate because that is always a turn off. Also be prepared for her to say no and be able to walk away because that also might very well happen.

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