Do men have every right to be afraid of commitment, knowing they have more to loose in a divorce?

When married couples get a divorce, it's most of the time the women who get the house, half his money and custody of the kids.

If I'm wrong then tell me a story of how the judge ruled for the man to keep the house after he and his wife divorced.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Before my Aunt (in law) married my Uncle, she had a previous husband and three children.

    Her best friend and ex-husband confronted her one day, said they'd been having an affair for years, and they wanted a divorce. Now, my Aunt is a smart woman, with a business job, but that was the worst sort of betrayal and she was a wreck. She had a break down, and a terrible lawyer. Her ex-husband and ex-best friend won all rights to the kids, and the house. They got everything. She got child support.

    The husband refused to let her around the children, told the kids their mother hated them, took the letters she wrote and trashed them, rewrapped the Christmas presents/birthday presents she sent. My aunt kept copies of the letters and receipts to the gifts though. Once she saved enough money again, she got a lawyer and took them back to court to get visitation rights that he was then enforced to follow.

    But that was after a few years, and kids are pretty impressionable. It took them a long time to accept what their father had done.

    I have a different Uncle from the other side of my family that also kept his house and custody of his kids after a divorce. As an owner of his own company, he probably got a lot more out of that divorce than his ex-wife.

    Women have a lot to fear in getting married/divorced now too. Not just men.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Doesn't everyone lose in a divorce? The relationship has broken down, someone will always feel betrayed and there's a loss of trust on both sides.

    I'm not sure if you mean by "afraid of commitment" only the financial side of things. When a woman uses the term, she invariably meand the emotional side of things. You know, taking the risk of saying this is the one for the rest of my life. I don't know much about the financial side of things, but I have some recent experience with the emotional side: I got interested in a divorced man, two kids, who live with their mother. The divorce is 13 years past. The guy has to pay, but he's well off, and he'd do anything for his kids, so this is not the problem. But it breaks his heart not to be able to see his kids often enough, and that the law thought the mother is always the better parent. As a result, there's this wall around him now, where you can't get through. It's as if he can't trust anyone anymore. I suppose it's what's called emotional baggage. So of course he has every right to be commitment shy. But loneliness is the price. It's one thing not to get together because you are fundamentally incompatible. But it's another thing if your past experience is holding you back, but there is nothing anyone but the man himself can do.

    I think to trust someone that they will not use you and that they love you irrespective of the money you have is a very risky thing, you are right. But ultimately, it's the only way that will lead to a truly fulfilled relationship that gives you the added three years on your life expectancy.

    I'm not sure if your question is hypothetical or to do with a decision you face at the moment. Best of luck.

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  • I think that's a cop out. To me men tend to steer clear of anything that could end in a mess.Freedom is taken a way or lord forbid their "playa"status.However to stay on topic more.it depends on what state you marry in and how smart you are about it. example in washington state getting married there's a loose form of prenup.whatever you own before marriage is yours and whatever is inherited or gifted during marriage is yours and no responsibility of the spouse. However with anything involved during the marriage is up to negotiation. here is a thought though that I have mentioned to my boyfriend every time we fight and he's fighting me over the "house" and who should stay or go and whether or not he's going to put the effort into a house he can be easily kicked out of. this is a woman that you once have or still do love and protected. you took vows and now she's possibly the mother of your children and gave you the best gifts ever..would you really want her struggeling to find a home especially when there's a chance she will have your children half of the time. wouldn't you want her to be taken care of? divorce and break-ups can be full of spite,resentment, and pain...we tend to allow pain and hate to rule our seperations when we should be embracing it all as nothing is forever and or it was for the best and your both better people for the exp. and memories. easier said then done...oh and my dad actualy got the house in his first divorce kids involved...

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  • you can be committed without being married and risking all your monetary possessions...so fear of marriage isn't an excise to be afraid of a relationship. *fail*.

    and yeah plnty of women end up paying alimony. its the person ho makes the most money who loses out. not the 'guy'.

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  • actually,it's the breadwinner that has to pay,male or female. there are a lot of female breadwinners now,and,yes,they pay alimony.

    but,regardless of gender,marriage is a dumb thing to do,the risks outweigh the benefits. if you earn more than your partner,atleast get a prenup.

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  • Yes sure. That's why some couples in monogamous relationships choose not to get married. That way you can still have the commitment without all the ties. So I hope you're not afraid of relationships in general. You are right to be scared of marriage, I would be too.

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  • You are wrong. I am divorced, and I bought the house by myself prior to being married, yet it was sold as part of the divorce agreement and half the profit went to him even though I was the one who put up the entire down payment. We have one child and everything for her is split 50/50, I get no child support. There is no alimony either. And I would like to add that we were together for 11 years and I put him through college. Blaming the possibility of divorce on your fear of commitment is a cop out, nothing more than you attempting to justify being a coward. If it scares you that much, get a pre nup.

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    • In the divorce you agreed to let him have the house?

  • if that's your concern, prenup all the way

    that being said I think that we all have a lot to loose when we get married and men see that a bit more clearly because they don't have fantasies of princesses finding their princes and getting married and having little babies thrown at them from birth. Us girls are constantly told that what will make us happy is a husband and children and finally getting that dream wedding... very few men even have a dream wedding... I used to work in the wedding industry and you sell to the bride, not the groom for the most part...

    we all have a lot to loose, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth it!*

    *I'm a commitmentphobe too, so yea...

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  • I heard that you can fill out a paper that says she gets NOTHING after getting a divorced, before you get married. That would probably be the smart thing to do

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    • pre-nup agreement ? you have to get the spouse-to-be to sign it too and I've heard that people get offended and call off marriages because of it.

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    • I agree with Patsy, if a woman would get offend of a pre nup, then that mean she's a snake.

  • about the custody of the kids, yes the mother almost always gets complete custody especially in japan.

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  • I think being afraid of and staying out of commitment may make you loose someone special.

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  • Prenup= no fear lol

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  • at the end, the children hurt the most. the one who put in most love hurt the most. the one who thinks the grass is greener is not...

    look further ... money and all will come and go and the one who loves you should be appreciative ... divorce is not a solution to ones happiness

    no one wins at the end

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  • Actually, its the person with the most money that loses everything in the divorce. Sure, it's not a lot of women but you can't just exclude those women. And what are you talking about? Men have always feared commitment for whatever reason so it's definitely not divorce for why you dudes don't want commitment.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Get a Prenup Don't like it fine no marriage.

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  • In a word - indeed.

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