It's been 3 years and I'm STILL not over my ex. What am I supposed to do? Do I dare tell him?

My ex moved away three years ago and, even though we still loved each other, we ended our relationship.

After months of not talking then talking, being friends then not being friends, the two of us are finally at the point where we have an amazing friendship. We talk all the time (texting and the occasional Skype call) and we have so much fun just talking to each other. He even came to visit old friends a couple months ago and he spent most of his time with me. It was great!

He's always had a girlfriend or love interest in his life since he moved away, but I, on the other hand, have only had one boyfriend since he's moved, and I broke up with him because I wasn't over my ex. It's been three years since my ex moved away, and I've come to the pathetic conclusion that I don't think I'll ever get over him. I still love him a LOT.

This guy was perfect for me. IS perfect for me. The more our friendship grows and strengthens, the more I realize just how much I still love him. I've been spending time with other guys, but none of them compare to my ex. The only thing I see in them is how they're not my ex. It's terrible. It's not fair to these guys or to me, even.

Both my ex and I have grown and matured tremendously since breaking up. We've both become independent individuals with our own life goals, dreams, and passions. Even after all this time and maturing, I still love him. But I feel like now I'm just waiting for him to realize he still loves me too, which is extremely unhealthy, I know. I just don't know what to do. I feel like it doesn't take other people this long to move on and find love somewhere else. I'm still stuck here, hung up on the most perfect guy I've ever met and probably ever will meet.

I guess my question is this: is it moral or fair to date guys even though deep down I'm really not interested in them because I'm still in love with my ex? If I keep doing that, dating other guys while still loving my ex, will I eventually start moving on and genuinely become interested in these other guys? I just feel like that's so wrong, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

My ex set the bar so high...I feel like no one else stands a chance with me. But I want other guys to have a chance with me. So what do I do? I don't want to hurt anyone. But I can't just sit here and wait for a future with my ex that will probably never happen (even though I really, really, really hope it does).

Also, my ex and I are really close friends now. Do I dare tell him any of this? Share with him this internal struggle I'm dealing with?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Do you want to get over him or not?

    If so:

    In a written mailed letter tell him you can't be friends anymore because it's getting in the way of you getting over your relationship with him.

    If not then keep doing what you're doing.

    You're keeping yourself miserable by choice at this point. If he really felt the same way about you he would have taken action to make it happen. Best of luck.

  • I wish I could say I completely understand. I broke up with my ex 11yrs ago and still to this day my heart aches on our anniversary. I think about how she's doing often. The difference is that I am not in contact with her. I just feel like a big chunk of my heart is missing. :(


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