What's going through my ex's head? So confused!

Ok... I'm sorry for an ex question. But this has been bugging me for the past week and I'm hoping for a bit of insight here!

So, me and my partner were together for 5 years. We had an off and on relationship for the last two. I know, not healthy.

Anyway. I had started my new job (and kept my old one) so I was working a lot. He was working and gigging. We didn't see each other for a weekend and barely spoke and he send me messages on the Monday, I miss you, I love you, can I come see you after work? Of course he could. He came over, and everything was normal - we said I love you, we made love, he said he had found a flat he wanted us to move into together.

The next night, he started ignoring me. And he ignored me for a week. Until the following Monday I received a text that basically said - we're just friends, that's all we ever have been, truth is, I have feelings for someone else. He took her out on a date that night and they've been together ever since (since March). He had been hanging out with her all week.

I broke all contact. Didn't speak or see him. I just saw my friends and dealt with it.

My new years resolutions had been: lose weight, and get performing again (I'm a musician too).

And I've done that. I've lost 2 stone, I've been offered radio time, and paid gigs, and chances to play at festivals. All since March.

Well, he and his new girlfriend turned up at one of my gigs. First time we have seen each other since everything. And I looked up, and he was sat smiling - chin on his hand, smiling at me. And his girlfriend looking between the two of us. (I'd like to point out, he had NEVER heard me sing before until this night).

Well, my next gig, he turned up. I was debuting my new song - it was about me, him and her. I wasn't going to do it but my friends said "do it, it's your chance to tell him what he did from your point of view". So I did.

Throughout my set he had been staring. His girlfriend went to kiss him, and he pulled away, instead staring at me. He doesn't like PDA, but he could put up with a kiss from his girlfriend (considering it's Facebook official, he doesn't need to hide it). She was trying to hold his hand while I was playing, he wouldn't let her. And when it came to my song, he intently watched and looked like I slapped him round the face.

He deliberately waited for a table next to me so he could eavesdrop on my conversations.

So... guys. What's going on? My friends have theories of he's not over you, he wants to be supportive, he wants to speak to you. But the facts are:

-He broke up with me

-He left me for her

-He knew I was a musician (he's seen me play other instruments publicly)

-He doesn't speak to me and hasn't tried to.

Can anyone help me work out what's going on?

So.. after this, he turned up at the venue again the next week and I stayed silent if I was going (I wasn't). The following week (last Tuesday) was my birthday and I had said I was going to be there. He turned up again, and he spoke to me! He asked if he could borrow my guitar so he could play a set. And he thanked me and wished me happy birthday and left with his girlfriend almost straight away. I don't understand what he wants?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Unless there was a fight scene, people rarely really get over an ex. They're always going to think about them, and if there is something important in common (both musicians), it's common for them to follow your gigs and songs and keep track of how you're doing.

    Since you're no doubt looking better (2 stone!) and feeling better (back into the music scene, with success) you no doubt are suddenly much more attractive to him (and everyone else.)

    He is committed to the girlfriend, apparently, but also fascinated by the new you!


What Girls Said 1

  • It really sounds like he's not over you.

    - If you cut 100% contact with him when he broke up with you, he's starting to feel the pain of it.

    - The honeymoon stage with his new girlfriend is over and he's starting to compare her with you/realize what he lost.

    - He might even be wondering if he took the right choice. What iffing all over the place.

    He can either try to contact you soon, or not do anything even though it's making him go crazy inside. The real question here is, how do you feel about this? Even if he ditched her for you, do you feel like forgiving him? Is this something worth fretting about?

    Best of luck, hope whatever happens (or doesn't happen) is best!

    • Well, it's my 21st in a week's time, I'm having a party/gig night. I was thinking last week because he showed up to my gig he would turn up to that. People think because of my song, he won't. I do miss him, and I do still love him. But I hate what he did. All our other break ups were different to this, this was a true kick in the face, don't love you anymore. I can't trust him again. I want to be friends, but not with my replacement there, you know?

      Thank you :) Appreciate the advice too!