Are boys actually less heartbroken during a break-up, or just less open about how they feel?

So most know about the stereotype that 'real men' have to be tough, not let their emotions show, etc., which I would say applies also to how they handle break-ups. Girls typically are very visibly distraught, living on Ben & Jerry's, re-runs of the notebook, etc.

What I'm curious about is do boys actually feel less pain after a break-up, or do they just put on a show to fit in in a sense?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys actually process emotion slower than girls. If a guy and a girl get some news at the same time the girl will instantly know how they feel about it, the guy will have to think about it for a few seconds. This doesn't mean we feel less, it is just harder to process.

    Guys tend to say things like "I don't care" when they are upset. It doesn't mean they don't care, they just don't feel like talking about it, or they are having trouble processing the new information at that moment and need some time to get their head clear. Guys also don't have the social support girls have, and have to deal with their problems on their own.

    Most of the time guys try to run from their emotions by partying or staying busy. It is hard to say how much of it is biological, and how much is cultural, but new studies are showing it actually takes guys longer to recover from a heartbreak than women.

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    • I don't think about how I 'feel' when I get news, I think about what I think of the news.

      even people who think they know how they feel are thinking not feeling. feelings are there they are not intellectual. what you are consciously processing are thoughts. not feelings.

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    • Even though they run from their emotions, does it catch up with them?

    • @Ichron. Yeah. A lot of the issues men and women have, are because they don't understand the other gender.

      @05Jueey. It really depends on the issue, and the man.

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What Guys Said 17

  • I've cried over a girl, I'm not scared to admit it. There was a time when there literally wasn't a second in the day that she didn't cross my mind. I'm not any less of a man because of it. I think that it really just depends on how much you like or love the person you broke up with.

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  • The real key here is in the support network. Guys have a tendency to more effectively maintain an active social life and devote time to their hobbies while in a relationship, which in essence leaves them with a strong support network if and when it fails.

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  • just broke up with my ex of 2 weeks. I don't feel bad about it, it was mutual. my emotions werent invested so I'm still the same man I was before, nothings changed except slightly older I guess, ill stop rambling now :P

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  • On average guys are just as affected emotionally by breakups...they just don't show it as much because they want to appear "manly and tough". :-P

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  • Most guy's mask their emotions. It's expected of us.

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  • I strongly suggest you watch this lol https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=ByuTFTs054I

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  • Men just do not show it, they sulk and such. And put on a mask to hide what they feel.

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  • less heartbroken? if that were real, I think there would be a lot less suicides

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  • Every guy I've known was tore the f*** up besides one, and that guy is incredibly good looking and had other women lined up already.

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  • It depends on how invest each person was emotionally, why things ended, and how things ended.

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  • We feel it we just try not to show it.

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  • To expand a little on the Best Answer. I think one reason why it takes longer for guys to recover from a heartbreak has to do with what he was saying earlier in his response. I think it takes longer because of our society expecting us not to show our emotions and that we don't have a social support group for us. With no social support group, you raise an entire generation believing that they have to get through it on their own. This is backed up when a guy does show his emotions he often receives negative feedback. Now, your average joe/jane will not treat a guy with negative feedback when a guy does show his emotions, but they also don't support him. Even if they did, there's a good chance he will reject the support because he was brought up believing in order to be a man he has to handle things on his own. Little boys need support, men are supposed to be independent. At least this is what will go through a guys head subconsciously when someone tries to support them. Going back to the negative feedback; while the number of people that will give negative feedback towards guys that show their emotions on their sleeve is lower than the number that want to support the guy, the negative ones are the ones that are most vocal.

    The combination of these two things will create an entire generation of men not wanting to show their emotions but to a very select few if any one at all. I will say that I personally believe that an extremely high percentage of it has to be cultural. I think a very small percent, maybe 5 or so percent is biological. Of course this is just pure speculation, but when you look at men from different countries and different cultures, you will find that the reluctance to want show emotion differs based on the culture. In Japan, from what I've studied, men expressing their emotions is viewed as 100x worse than it is for men in America. Their suicide rate is also much much higher than it is in America. I've also watched some vlogs of foreigners in Japan and I came across one that was an English teacher for Adults and he had some guys who came to his class because their psychologist told them that foreigners are more likely to be supportive and want to help with your issues and get them off your chest. So, instead of the psychologist helping the person get through their troubles, they try to pawn it off to a random foreigner because apparently foreigners are more sympathetic and actually care about listening to other peoples problems. This is what makes me believe that it is mainly cultural that men hide their emotions rather than biological.

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  • Truth is they just say men mask there emotions, but most really just don't care at all. They just say men mask there emotions so woman feel more secure that they are sobby emotional wrecks. I have had many girl friends, I dated one girl for as long as one year! One day she broke up with me cause she was going off to college way across the state and thought it would be too hard. I was just like whatever and pretty much forgot that I even knew her. I still don't care, I just don't have those emotions.

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  • Guys show it less. Nothing wrong with showing emotion but guys tend not to like to.

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  • For me, it's a mix of the two. Same goes for other sad situations.

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  • anybody, man or woman, who has really been in love with someone knows how painful a break-up can be.

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  • Less open. It took me years to get over this one girl I was only with for a few months.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Just like one of the anonymous guys said down there, more than a year ago, I was with this guy for only about 5 months. We weren't even official. I was the one who asked if he wanted to stop or not and he said yes, the conversation took to texting because I had to go so we actually broke up over the phone. And he actually told me he was crying then. That was the last time we saw each other in months. A couple of days later he told me he wanted to meet up and have a closure to make sure I was okay. By that time, I was already with an ex-fling trying to drown the heartbreak with alcohol haha. In short, we never got the closure he wanted.

    Even until now, he initiates conversations and meetings. I don't think he ever got over it, at least not completely. Not sure if it has something to do with the closure or not, because looking back at it now, it seemed like he wanted it more for himself, like an assurance or something. So yeah, I guess it does take a while for them. Especially with his kind of man, they make rash decisions and yet claim they thought about it, but not really, then turns out they;re still hung up. It's situational really.

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  • Thank you for asking this question. It's been driving me crazy thinking about it

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  • i don't experience anyone being very 'obvious' about their emotions. there is not any person in this culture who does not get accused of being weak when they obviously feel things. whether its because they are expected to or not expected to does not change the degradation that accompanies showing your emotional state in the raw.

    i am aware here are stereotypes about who feels what pressure. but that's a stereotype. the reality is everyone feels pressure to hide their feelings or this site wouldn't exist c everyone here would just be solving their problems by being honest with whoever it is they find they can not be honest with out fear of being judged for how they feel.

    this site exists because no one is honest with their feelings. internally or outwardly. and yes men get gutted when they really cared. not so much when they didn't. like anyone else. guys have addictions and commit suicide at a higher rate then women., they must be upset about something.

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  • 5 stars for using the word "boys"

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    • what do you mean? I didn't use 'men' because I was curious how the boys when I was younger might have felt... I could've used 'males' but didn't think it was really significant

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    • ok sorry, wasn't sure if you were being sarcastic or not :P

    • yeah, I just hate the word guys.

  • They voice it less

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