Will backing away from her make her miss me?

I have finally backed away from the girl I like (and who I told I had feelings for a while ago) after months of being given mixed signals and having games played with me and within 2 days she has contacted me to ask if I am OK as she senses something is up. I told her I was OK so she asked if I wanted to meet up and have a chat as she felt I was avoiding her. I told her no and that I was OK so she left it with "fine well if you ever want to chat or anything let me know and I won't contact you now as you are clearly looking for some space".

The question I have is are girls more likely to change their minds when guys back off from them? I have been a doormat for months now and had to see her date others guys but I had such mixed signals as some days she wanted us to go for drinks/food and spend hours together and other days I was ignored completely. Part of me wants this space in a hope she misses me but I will be kind of disappointed if she doesn't as it will confirm to me that I have just been an ego boost for the past few months. I know it's the best thing to do because even if she doesn't contact me again (she is stubborn) then I guess every day that passes is another day closer to getting over her anyway which is hard enough as we work near each other so I have to see her every day.
Updates:
Sorry I haven't given much detail here and missed some vital points which may or may not affect your advice. I told her I needed space a while back and she wouldn't allow me and if anything suggested we did more together. She also got really jealous when another girl asked me out and wanted to know where I was going with her and looked it up on the office computer saying "hmmm cosy". To me that suggests jealous which could have meant some feelings, when I came back to work (I was off for a long
weekend) she said she had missed me and did I fancy going for a few drinks soon and leaving our cars at home. Again, I thought maybe this was a sign of interest but then she ignored me for 4 days hence why I had enough and decided to back off. I am wondering if its the fact I have been so upfront and told her all of my feelings that she is just keeping me hanging as I am not a challenge but when she senses me liking someone else she reels me in and casts me away again. All of our colleagues
Have told me she 100% likes me but then if she did then why not just say? It's confusing.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Depends. If it does work, it might make her realize that she really likes you. But don't get your hopes up. Sounds like she has been flaky from the start, which is a good indicator that only one action (you backing off) won't change her mind. Most of the time, these kind of scenarios are impossible to somehow fix. Seems like she's keeping you on the back burner until someone "better" catches her interest. She likes the attention, but dislikes the commitment. That's why she gets jealous (she doesn't like the idea of someone taking the attention away from her) but still doesn't do much about it. It's easy for your colleagues to say that she likes you 100%, but clearly, when it boils down to it, only she knows what she feels. And right now, judging by the way she behaves and treats you, I don't think she sees you as a potential boyfriend.

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    • Yeah you are right. What makes me feel like I am doing the right thing is she tells me every day how many guys have hit on her the past evening or weekend and that her apartment has become somewhere for her guy friends to crash (guys she tells me that like her). I have always been her safety and she has said losing me would be the worst thing to happen which is why she says she can't allow herself to like me. I figured if I show her she is losing me anyway as I can't deal with this situation

    • Show All
    • Exactly, I said this to her and she said ah it's alright they are only on the couch and laughs. Another problem is that she has been known to lie so I wonder how much of it actually is true. She has had real problems in the past so I feel like I am letting her down by backing off but I need to because by being there like her lapdog is making me feel miserable 24/7 and I explained this to her when I said I needed to back off before. Do you think I am right to back off?

    • It doesn't matter if she's had problems in the past or not. If she's making you feel like crap, there's no way you should have to put up with it. She can't behave however she wants and expect to get away with it. You are right to back off. If you feel like all she's doing is bringing extra negativity into your life, you have every right to cut her out.

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What Girls Said 8

  • It sounds to me like she enjoys your company very much and likes being your friend, but has no romantic interest in you whatsoever. If she is dating other guys and doing the whole 'getting close to you and then pulling away' dance repeatedly, it could be an indication that she often pulls away once she senses that you are trying to move your relationship in a direction she is not comfortable with. She wants to spend lots of time with you because she likes you - as a friend. But she does not want you to get the wrong idea either. And so, she dates other people openly and is inconsistent in the amount of attention she pays you each day (think about it, do you freak out if your good friend doesn't call, email, or see you in 24 hours? Do you feel 'ignored' or do you just figure your friend has a life outside of the friendship you share?).

    The reason why she might have sensed something was up when you backed away is because you have probably shown her a very consistent and frequent level of attention in the past, and girls are intuitive creatures. If there is a discernible change in the relationship (even a friendship), they can sense it, and will want to know if they did something wrong or offended you in some way.

    I would advise you to keep being friends with her but don't hold on to any romantic aspirations. If the relationship does move, by chance, to a romantic plane in the future, then it will happen. But judging by your current relationship, you would do best to date other people and just treat this girl as a good friend whose company you enjoy.

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  • Will she miss you, there is a good chance. Will she like you, not anymore than she already does. If she cares about you on any level and you pull away she is going to miss you and her natural response might very well be to pull you closer, but that's not going to change her feelings, only her behavior. There is nothing you can do to change her feelings, that's on her.

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  • keep doing what you are doing,u were too available for her and she took you for granted..u were an option,now you are not and its making her nervous,if she cares,the distance will shake her up..she won't forget trust me,but if she doesn't like you like that she will be after you for friendship only,u call the shots now,keep her guessing

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  • I wouldn't say she necessarily missed you, but was probably checking up on you to see if you were okay, since you did something that wasn't normal for you (assuming you talk her ear off most of the time. backing off was something different for her).

    It's highly unlikely she'll change her feelings for you just because you back off. What'll probably happen is she will miss you as a friend but may not wish for you back since it's gotten complicated. It's not as convenient as it used to be. And you'll get over her, and you'll go your separate ways.

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  • Yea, just be away for a bit

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  • just give it up. she's obviously playing with you! you shouldn't take her too seriously and although I think playing a little hard to will spark her attention, she's not worth it. she just likes you in her reach but not so that you two will be together. if she really liked you she wouldn't have done what she has done.

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  • not sure if that will work..

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  • yes, defiantly.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Backing off raises interest level in girls...provided you don't back away for good, and she has romantic interest in you . However, in your situation, you are just one of her other gf's. She was merely checking in on a friend. My point is..if you're asking this question hoping she will see you as a boyfriend because you backed off...NO. You're just a friend to her dude. Girls don't give mix signals. Highly interested guys just don't know how to read their signals properly.

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