How did you get over your break up?

I'm really having a hard time and I don't know what to do. I talk to people throughout the day to take my kind off of him but I start crying at night and sometimes I even cry myself to sleep. How can I get over the pain?

I just wanted to let you guys know that I had a little break down a few days ago, to the point where I just could not stop crying and ever since that day I have not cried. For the past few days, I've been doing a lot better with the break up because I've been focusing on other things like school, working out, and teaching myself how to cook lol.


Most Helpful Girl

  • seriously honestly he is not worth your tears. I have been there done that. after few months you will thank yourself and God for this breakup! don't hook up with anyone just go party with your girls. don't sit home. make your self busy. and yes do read about how to get over stuff online it will help! but seriously he is not worth it. I know at one point he did make you feel like your the world to him but its bullsh*t I have learned it hardway. people in todays world only value money, looks, degree, and all the stupid stuff.. emotions, character these things don't matter to people at all..why do you think bitches end up with the good guys always because they know how to play their games! we don't because we are different girls who are focused on bigger things like emotions, feelings, character what not yet these things are too little for these dumb asses. I feel you I honestly do. I have been rejected by 2 guys its not easy but not hard to get over either. there are million fishes in the sea sista! trust me if you have come across him then you will def come across your soul mate as well!

    god put you through bad ones to get you to THE GOOD ONE!;)

    dont fret over it . just completely delete block cut off your connection with your ex and be all confident and your ex will def be jealous and be like wth the break up did not affect her a bit show him that he is so not wanted by you and he's not the last person on the earth!


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What Guys Said 4

  • A breakup is an injury to the heart.

    So like any other injury, to optimize recovery you have to rest the injury and allow it to fully heal.

    Don't "play though the injury" (aka using the rebound-guy method) because imo that will only thwart the healing process in the long run.


    As in "resting the injury"? Everybody does this differently, but I can only elaborate on myself. I am the type of guy that is in tune with ALL of his emotions, thus I personally feel that trying to feign strength (aka "the breakup doesn't bother me!" mentality),

    is MORE WEAK, than letting your emotions fly and allowing them to pass.

    Yes, in my most recent breakup, I cried. Alot. I was really depressed. I didn't even ATTEMPT to show any strength about how down I was.

    Most importantly, I didn't allow anyone to try to talk the way out of how I feel (my mom is the stereotypical black woman that has a badge of honor of not showing emotional weakness, which is a method I disagree with). So unfortunately my mom was of no help because she was trying me to talk me OUT of my emotions.

    Frankly I don't believe she respected my relationship from the start, but I'm not going to go there.

    Doing so only stalls the emotional injury of the breakup. Trust me, as time passes, you WILL get out of that somber tear-flooded hole you're hopefully not in anymore.

    1) cut all contact from that guy (no texts, calls, IMs, social media stalking, etc...gotta cut all that out; unfriend and block him (and friends of his that will talk/post about him). You can always re-add them later.

    2) Absolutely no rebound guys/girls! That will only cause more emotional instability and will stall your healing. Think long term here! :-P

    3) Don't hold in your emotions; can't stress that enough. If you feel like crying, go in private and cry. Let the emotion pour out. Don't fall for the plaguing "black woman conditioning" of always having to uphold the facade of appearing strong and emotionally unrattled all the time. You're heart is literally hurting here!

    4) Once you can keep the tears down, do something, ANYTHING, to get your mind and body focused on something than your sadness. During my last breakup I bought a resistance band and started working out at home with it. I started going on walks around the neighborhood. I researched topics online to expand my knowledge.

    5) If you're religious, tap into its spirituality practices. I'm a Christian and I would do 24hr fasts and be in constant prayer.

    6) Talk to in people who will actually console. DO NOT open up to those people who try to belittle you in your emotionally weak state or try to talk you out of your emotions. You know who those people are, QA! lol It's astounding how talking to someone about how you feel can help you get that emotional release you need to hear your emotional breakup injury.


    Hopefully my rant made sense. :)

    P.S. I'm such a creeper; I'm answering all the questions on your profile!

  • Personally I've learnt to accept these things quickly... I used to get very upset about it. But in the end I figured all I was doing was being upset and feeling lonely. Kind of wishing things were the way they were when I know they won't be again. Since crying gets me nowhere and wanting to get back to the person who dumped is a bit pointless, I tend to accept it and move on as soon as I can. I never used to be able to do it, but I've been screwed over enough times that now I can just block emotions.

    • I told myself to accept that it's over this week but for some reason I'm still holding on to the relationship. I guess it's because we were together for two years and he was my first serious relationship.

    • The first one is the hardest to get over, it took me about ten breakups before it became normal for me to move on. I try to look for the next potential person to date, it keeps my mind off it and on to something for the future.

  • Watch all the episodes of a TV show that has a linking storyline that you can stand that you've never seen before but can tolerate. Something like "Lost" or "24" without much romance. Whenever you feel down, you're alone at home and you have time, watch one or 2 episodes. Emotionally invest in the characters then NEVER WATCH THOSE DAMN SHOWS AGAIN once you're done with the series. If anybody ever asks "Hey, have you ever watched LOST?" You can be all like F%^# YOU! But you can smile because you'll be cured of your heartbreak. I swear by the DVD method. It's worked marvels for myself and my friends when in turmoil- Good luck!

  • I can answer this question for you. The most foolish thing to do after a break-up would be going for a rebound relationship. These rebounds are almost always guaranteed to fail. It is likely to leave you with a lot of bitterness which could take forever to heal, and it would also be totally unfair for your partner because he might have expected a long term relationship but it was bound to fail since it was a rebound relationship. Hence, please refrain from rebound relationships at all costs, because such relationships are a sure fire recipe for disaster. Give yourself time to recuperate.

    Having said that, there are lots of thing which you CAN do, to deal with your pain. Getting drowned in music would be a good option. It is often said that music has charms to soothe a savage beast, so it can obviously heal the pains of a hurt 22 year old girl. I'd suggest you refrain from listening to romantic music or songs with lyrics related to love, because that might bring memories flooding back. This would actually nullify the purpose of you listening to music. But this doesn't happen with some people, so you're the best judge to decide if you're fine with listening to romantic music in your situation, although I wouldn't recommend you to take that risk.

    The next thing you could try, is to start playing video games. And no, I'm not referring to silly Facebook games like Farmville and Cityville. There are games which are totally immersive, and provide you with long hours of entertainment. Also, video games are excellent stress busters. I suggest you play games with high octane, fast and frenzied action, because that adrenaline rush is likely to numb your mind and make your forget your painful breakup to a certain extent.

    The next thing I'd suggest is to hang out with your female friends quite often, and have fun with them. I'm specifically saying 'female' friends because most males are jerks when it comes to things like breakups, and what they say might actually intensify your pain. And since you're single and in pain now, guys might use your vulnerability to start a relationship with you, which would again be a rebound for you. Also, girls are usually quite understanding in such matters, and offer you their shoulder to cry on when you're low. But there is a class of girls who actually enjoy seeing other girls suffer due to jealousy, so you'd better stay away from such girls.

    Finally, I'd suggest you involve yourself in some physical activity on a regular basis. Swimming would be the best option, because it REALLY de-stresses and refreshes you very effectively. If you don't know how to swim, then other physical activities can also provide almost equal benefits.

    I hope I have helped you a little bit at least. I may be a newbie on this site, but I deal with relationship issues on other sites such as Yahoo Answers. Feel free to contact me if you need further assistance. And please remember, strictly NO rebound! Take care, and have fun! Cheers! :)


What Girls Said 7

  • Cut all contact with him, I mean delete him from Facebook, delete him from twitter, delete, delete, delete whatever you have to do. If he asks why, just say it isn't against him, but that you need to time to heal and you can't do that whilst being in contact. I am going through the same thing at the moment, my ex has got a new girlfriend after only a month. I had to delete him because he was rubbing it in my face with all these pictures of him and her. It hurts like hell doesn't it. It has helped me already. I know if I had access to the pictures I would have been looking at them for ages and crying.

    No matter how many times we say to ourselves we will be friends, it isn't going to work whilst emotions are still raw like yours, in the future maybe, but not just yet. Healing needs to be processed first.

    Everyone says this but time IS a healer. Just like an open cut on your leg, your heart needs to heal and it will. Everyday a little more healing will be done.

    One more bit of advice, do you know how I have dealt with my break up is actually by taking my mind off of it all and helping answer people's questions on here, and in return people have really helped me.

    We can do this...Keep Strong


  • what I do is ask myself...Is he crying over me? probably not so eff him,the heartless you are a beautiful young lady and you may have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince..practice makes perfect

  • I had good friends to support me and listened to my woes, cried myself out and then go out often so that I won't be home all day otherwise your mind would think about negative things. ultimately, time healed the wounds especially when I got sick of myself being so unhappy and depressed hence I fought back and stood up again,

  • awesome, part of healing will be ups and downs. like a wave but in time it will cease. Keep doing you ,live life, better things are coming

  • men get rid of pain easily, he doesn't worth your tears, you still have your life to live on and friends.

    stay away from sadness and be yourself, date someone else.

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