Dealing with a shy girl. How do I break the barrier and make her comfortable?

Breaking the Big D (Defence).

This girls likes me ... and I like her too. I asked her on out she was totally shy and nervous in that conversation like 100X more than me. She answered that she does not know me enough to go out ... (which is kind of true).

Now ... I figure.. lets get her for short coffee chats ... and then ask her out ..carefully before I get rejected again .

I have started the process .. of small talks .. but I don't want to keep doing this and waste my time.

Question: How do I break the barrier make her comfortable .. and make my move again...? How to break the Big D (Defence)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "She answered that she does not know me enough to go out ..."

    --> Well that's an ironic statement against her. The whole purpose of going out is to get to know each other better in PERSON. The whole texting thing is passive bullsh*t that won't really help. And if you must use texting to get to know each other better, then how old are you?

    If I were you, I would push for a meetup. You wanna go out and you'd like her to come, and if not, try again within a week or so. Still nothing, try again later. But if she doesn't wanna come out by the third time, ask her to delete your number.

    Be nice about it though - if you get pissed it's just gonna cause YOU more harm than good. Afterall, this girl may not be a good match for ya and there's other girls to date as long as you put yourself out there.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I agree that a girl who is interested would not turn down date. However, I believe she will appreciate it if you ask her out for coffee and try to get to know her. If she keeps being shy, then move on.

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  • Do you have her number? Start by texting her, then maybe ask her to coffee, just to hang out. Even if you guys like each other, start by hanging out as friends. Get comfortable with one another. Make yourself open to her so she learns to get comfy enough to talk and not be scared of knowing you.

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  • Just make her feel very comfortable! Compliment her, help her let go of insecurities. Be a gentleman. She'll come around!

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  • I still don't think that she would turn you down after asking her more than once if she really liked you even if she was really shy. She has to have some other reason why she's doing this. That or else she believes that she needs to be very friendly with a guy before dating him in which case I think it would be a good idea to invite her and her best friend to go out with you and your friend just as friends for something fun like bowling or pizza, nothing serious like the movies cause that could freak her out . Good luck !

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  • Maybe spend a lot of time with her and let her know you're open.

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  • Ask her.

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  • the way I see it she might be the type of girl who prefers to talk via text and is not much of a going out person and doesn't like to talk face to face. I'm like that but like if their in the same school or activity as me I will warm up to them and then I wouldn't mind going on dates

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What Guys Said 3

  • Move on... she's wasting your time. Isn't the whole point of a date so you can get to know each other better? So it makes no sense for her to say she "doesn't know you well enough" to go on a date with you. Interested women accept dates. The minute she turned you down for a date, she disqualified herself. Next!

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  • patience, grasshopper. let her get to know you and feel comfortable with you. she'll take what she knows of you and decide wether she would like to know more or not.

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  • I have the same problem and I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to bother. I think the main problem is we're at work so are conversations aren't ever much longer than 2-3 minutes so just when I'm getting things rolling a customer comes through. But yeah the girl I'm talking too does the same thing with me. She seems nervous and just doesn't say a whole lot when I ask about her which makes it hard for me to know if I should just give up or what.

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    • Yepp, almost exactly like me. And I really can't be bothered any more ...she can stay shy for the rest of her life, for all I care

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