How can I stop being so eager to find a new boyfriend?

It's not that I want a rebound thing or a FWB. I've always been and I always will be only interested in serious relationships. My long-time relationship hasn't even been over for a week and yet, I can't wait to meet someone new - someone who'll treat me just like I deserve and make me feel glad to have ended things with my ex. I KNOW that my breakup is for the best. It's just that I'm 21 and I want to leave every serious relationship its time, so I feel like all the time I'm single is wasted instead of invested on a new, potentially more promising relationship.

Does that make any sense? I know that being single is ''helpful'' to work on myself and all that yada yada but HECK, I know what I want. I know exactly why my ex wasn't that and I am determined NOT to rekindle things with him (he's blocked off Facebook and I follow the NC rule).


Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest I think there's no way a serious relationship can be started so soon after a long and equally serious one.

    It's great to know well what you want, but you probably are not listening to what you need... at least for the time being. I've been on the same boat.. and honestly one week seems a bit too soon. It's an unstable phase after such a big change (that is, unless your prev relationship had been going south for a long time and you were done already.)

    Even if it sounds cliche, it's important to let yourself cool down for a bit and take some time for yourself. Rushing things may not be a good idea because you risk either getting too involved with someone who isn't good for you or getting unrealistic expectations and thus having lots of frustrations not being able to fulfill your expectations.

    That being said, it's important to remember nobody's perfect! I think we all have some times (ok, it can be lots of times!) when we feel frustrated because there's something about our partner we don't like.

    Maybe he's a bit too fond of food, or he doesn't seem very witty/bright at times, or you just hate his taste in movies.

    The thing is... nobody will 100% fulfill our expectations, and that's a normal thing. Even if at the moment you think you've found Mr. Perfect, sooner or later you'll find you don't like something about him. Hell, after some time together you may not like something you did before. And that's normal! There's a stage in relationships where we tend to get easily frustrated and try to change the person or even fantasize about what our perfect match would be like. But even if we had someone like that, the cycle would go all over again! I learned it the hard way!

    • *and thus having lots of frustrations not finding somebody 100% right.

      Sorry for the redundancy.

    • Thanks for the advice! I'm still single, so I'm happy I didn't fall for an easy rebound relationship so soon. :)

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What Guys Said 5

  • your a girl, you can be needy, clingy, desperate, be a loser, have no life, have no jacksh*t going for you and guys will still accept you

  • Well, if your too eager, your going to latch on to the first guy you find. Your going to make every quality in him what your looking for. I think your probably more into having A boyfriend than having the RIGHT one.

    Your not going to find the real deal if you can't be. Single. I'm not saying don't look for a relationship. It's good you know what you want. But enjoy yourself. If you can't possibly be sole, it's really a sign of low self esteem or dependence on others. Be yourself. Do you. Don't force feelings or force relationships.

  • LMFAO just sit or stand there and watch guys come to your feet.

  • since your a girl, it's okay for a girl to be needy, want a relationship for validation, be glad you have that luxury

    • Show All
    • Between him and the girl, that's what I really hate and despise, loathe, us guys are expected to be more mentally independent than girls are, it sucks because of guys want companionship ttoo, we are not robots or androids

    • *us guys

  • How long were you together?

    • 2 years. He was my first boyfriend but it was a serious relationship. I always settled for a few things that I wasn't fine with - little amount of time spent together, compromising a lot, his family always being top priority and me the least, etc. I knew that it wasn't working the best right now but I had hope for the future. Now I know that it has to work 100% right away for it to work. I moved on already because it had been over a month since I'd been pretty unhappy about our relationship.

    • Show All
    • So what went wrong?

    • He went on a few vacations and when he'd come back, he would never tell me he had missed me or that he was happy to hear from me. He wouldn't be in a rush to contact me or set up a date soon. I was always his last priority. He would only take the time to see me when it was convenient for him. We spent the whole summer long distance, but when I realized he didn't miss me when we were apart and he always put me last in his priorities, it hit me that he wasn't putting much effort anymore, if any.

What Girls Said 4

  • If you can't be happy alone, you can't be happy in a relationship. I'm thinking you just miss the closeness of your previous relationship, therefore you want to experience it again as soon as possible (just not with your ex). There is no such thing as time being wasted just because you're single. Yes, exactly, you're 21! Meaning you have all the time in the world to go through different relationships still. Just calm down and relax a little bit alone. I think you're expecting too much.

  • Your question makes me wonder if you're one of those girls who cannot handle NOT being in a relationship. I've witnessed many girls who immediately jump into one relationship after the next simply because deep down inside being alone scares the crap out of them.

    I think you need to take a good look at yourself and ask the hard question, "Why do you want to find somebody so soon right now?" Taking time to work on you, to work on being a whole, happy person all on your own is not wasted time, but valuable, invested time that will make you a better, healthier person to be in a relationship when the next one happens.

    Being as eager as you are currently will not lead you to being the best girlfriend out there.

    • I don't think I'm ''one of those girls who cannot handle NOT being in a relationship". I've lived 19 years without a boyfriend, so no, I'm not that needy. The reason why I think taking time to ''work on me'' and what not is kinda bogus is because, as I said, I've had 19 years before to do JUST THAT. Being with my ex didn't change me as a person. I'm not in crumbs since my last relationship and in need of ''fixing myself''. And I don't believe anyone can judge how good of a girlfriend I am based on this.

    • I know my value as a girlfriend and it certainly didn't diminish after my breakup. I'd be a ''bad gf'' if I was rebounding with some guy the minute after my breakup. But I'm not and I don't see myself settling for just about anyone, even though I do crave companionship. And for the record, I go to to a uni where over 80% of the students are male. 99% of my friends are guys, so it's important to me not to be a ''bro'' to every guy I hang out with. I don't need more guy friends thank you.

    • Ok, say what you will. But I think you know deep down inside that jumping from a long term relationship into a new one so quickly is not the healthiest thing to do (or else you wouldn't be writing about it on here).

      FYI, I never mentioned anything about you needing more guy friends. I too went to a male dominated college, I know what it's like to have a truck load of male friends.

  • I don't know if this is different for koalas (judging you are one by your profile picture), but for humans I would say it's because you're just looking for the right one for you to be really connected to. I think you haven't had that connection with past relationships so you're looking for one that is actually going to matter to you. I think it's understandable. Why dwell on someone that you know isn't right for you? The one bad thing about always wanting to be in a relationship is that many can't be dependent on their own happiness unless someone is with them. Make sure it's not because you can't handle being along, but it's about just finding the right one. Don't just settle on the next one to come along! Next time maybe slowly go into a relationship so you know it will be worth it!

  • just try to keep busy with other stuff, that always helps me

    • Well that's what I'm trying to do, but I end up doing stuff I wouldn't normally do for the sake of meeting new people, and I get disappointed when I don't meet anyone interesting or when the activity is boring (ex: Me going to a party at a pub with people from school last night. I got bored out of my mind and left early, disappointed about my night.)

    • well, just keep ding that until you don't worry about it anymore

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