Me and my girlfriend have been together a year now on September 19. A little background is that back in March, her parents split up. Her mother left the family and left her dad to raise five kids on his own. Her dad also has mild parkinsons.
Back in late may, she was considering breaking up with me because she felt she couldn't handle a relationship with all the stress of things going on at home and the responsability she feels like she needs to put on herself. She said she feels like we aren't working anymore and she doesn't know what to do. This eventually came around to she was just confused and she didn't know if she could handle us anymore but we worked things out, I stuck my her and after one night together where I had to take her to A&E due to illness, she realized how much she cared about me and how she doesn't want me to go anywhere. So things were back on track and started going really well again. Till a few weeks ago. We hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks (as of last week) because of my exams and she was busy at home. She started acting weird and last Wednesday she confessed she was having the same thoughts again. She said she feels like she really just can't hanld things between us anymore and that we just aren't working like we used to and she doesn't want to try anymore. The past week, she has been ill with Kidney stones. We have barely spoken and when we have, she has been awfully dry in how she talks. Short answers, and I feel like I have to fight to get her to actually talk. Then, tonight she suddenly said "Im off to bed now, goodnight". This might sound strange but she has never ever said goodnight to me before without telling me she loves me and she'll speak to me tomorrow. She is making it more and more obvious (in my view anyway) that she just doesn't want to be together anymore it's almost like she is trying to push me away so I will break up with her so she doesn't have to. She said she might want a break for a few weeks last Wednesday but we haven't talked about that since. She also said that if we did break up, she would want me to be there for her like I am now. Phone her and listen to her problems, talk to her everyday. Basically act like her boyfriend without being together. She says she really does still love me and want me in her life, but she's acting like she wants to break up but doesn't want to actually do it because she loves me and wants me in her life? She says she is unhappy in general at the moment (which applies to us) but I know when she spends time with me, she enjoys herself. She has just convinced herself that we don't work and that she candle handle trying to "fix us" when there really was nothing wrong with us in the first place. She seems awful confused and I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle the situation.
Any advice is very, very appreciated!
Most Helpful Guy
She's in no position to respond normally right now. Besides the stress and the unbelievable pain of the kidney stones, she is probably afraid as well. She may also feel guilty about not being able to be there for you. This is just too much for her. The good news is that there really is no need to break up. You are not making demands on her. There are no ultimatums that she must meet to stay with you. If she holds back when she must, you will still be there when she needs your support. In saying that the relationship is not working, she's thinking about it in unrealistic terms. As you point out, it's not broken. Life itself is broken for her. Try to reassure her each time that there isn't a problem, there's nothing she has to worry about when it comes to you. She should focus on the real problems at hand and you will support her in that. For your part, try not to get upset when she draws away or freaks out. This isn't really in her control right now. She'll come back in time. And she'll withdraw again. There is too much awfulness in her life to expect otherwise.
Can you give her tangible help such as help her family with dinner or chores, help watch the younger ones, things like that? This would provide a welcome relief to her and improve things between you. If her family is comfortable with you, I suggest that you not ask her how you can help. She will likely decline help. Come in when appropriate and say "where do we start with this?" or "what are we making for dinner tonight?"
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