Should I wait for him or move on? Why do guys get in relationships they don't expect to last long?

A guy that was interested in me had recently broken up with his ex. I'm currently on a break from a relationship I've been in for about 4 years and this guy has showed a lot of interest in me. We went out one night for dinner and then we fell for each other pretty hard. His ex is crazy and psycho but he still has feelings for her. he cut her off but then one night she showed up where he works asking for closure. he asked me if he should talk to her and I suggested that he should because it would be the right thing to do. they left on good terms and continued to talk. he thinks she's changed enough to give the relationship another try. The thing is she always behaves well but then goes back to being crazy. we decided that wed stay friends because he def still has feelings for me but we stopped the text, phone calls and Skype so that he can stay "loyal to the situation" as he says. anyway I told him how I felt and stated that things won't work out with me and the person I've been seeing for four years. I also told him to be careful in his relationship with his ex...he called me and then text me to tell me that he is going to be faithful to the situation, he didn't say his gf..and that he still has love for me but it has to be on hold. what does he mean it has to be on hold. does that mean he doesn't plan on things working out indefinitely with his ex/gf or that he wants me to wait until he can sort out his feelings which he's doing while being with her.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • One word: Convenience.

    A guy could do all the motions: Hold open doors, say the right things, take you out to dinner. But in the end he may not truly have any feelings for you at all.

    I have learned this lesson the hard way, by being with someone like this.

    Now, I think in this situation that you are in, the guy loves his crazy ex girlfriend. This may not make any sense to you, because like you, I have also been in situations where the ex was certifiably crazy. She may have cheated on him, treated him like crap, been a terrible girlfriend or broke his heart. But this guy may still be head over heels for her. And nothing awesome you do will change his mind.

    He likes you, but sounds to me like he doesn't want to give up what he has with this girl.

    IMO, stop being the second choice. You should be the first choice. Don't hang back and hope that he chooses you. Get out there and find a guy who is going to make you his first choice.

    Too bad, so sad if this guy comes crawling back to you saying his ex broke his heart but that he now wants you. Sorry, but you deserve to be someone's first choice.

    It's probably more convenient for him to stay with this crazy ex because he has a history with her. It's also easier than officially breaking up with her (which is the cowardly option).

    He needs to break up with her if he isn't happy. But unfortunately that's not what he is choosing to do. You need to walk away from this situation, and get out fast!

    Don't allow yourself to be an option. You deserve better than that!

    Let him know that you respect the fact that he and his ex have unresolved issues.

    My only question is, if he truly loved her, why did he decide to start looking for someone new?

    Regardless, I say tell him that you respect the fact that there are issues that need resolving with his ex. But that you are not going to wait around. If he isn't going to either break up with her or end things with you, that you are going to walk away. Don't hang around and hope he picks you!

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What Guys Said 1

  • your call, personally, I'd tell him to pick. yes you like him, yes he likes you both. it's a messy situation that could go either way. try to divest yourself in case it goes the other way.

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What Girls Said 1

  • why do people get into relationships with an expected short shelf life-for the experience. we have billions of tiny experiences throughout life. sort duration doesn't make them worthless, imo.

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