How can guys move on so quickly?

My boyfriend broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago. We were together for 3 months. He is talking to this girl who he had a thing with before me and him started dating. They're not official yet, but I think it's coming. He was at a party with her the night we broke up. My question is how is it that easy for guys to move on? I feel like I meant absolutely nothing to him and our relationship was a complete joke even though I actually really cared about him

Updates:
For everyone saying 3 months isn't long enough to be emotionally invested, he was my first boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him. So yeah I was attached and emotionally invested in him

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not guys. It's everyone.

    Nobody breaks up with someone else until they're ready to move on. Just doesn't happen. This has been coming for weeks, maybe since the very beginning, and you just didn't see it.

    Usually, when breaking up with someone, you peter around the issue trying to find the best way to do it, dragging it out while pretending to still be invested. Until someone else comes along that you want to date. Then you need to break up, and so you just make it happen, so you can start dating the new person without looking like a complete ass.

    And yes, three months is absolutely enough time to become emotionally invested. I'm sorry this happened to you, that sucks. I've been there (used as a rebound, got really into the girl I was with), and yeah, you feel like sh*t, like you were used.

    In reality, it probably wasn't really like that for him. He probably liked you and thought things might go somewhere, maybe even really wanted to feel for you, and later realized that it just wasn't quite working out that way. It sucks, but that's how it sometimes goes. I've been on both ends of the situation a few times, and you probably will be too.

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    • Thank you for understanding 3 months is long enough to get emotionally invested. Granted I was probably much more invested in him than he was with me because he was my first and I was his 8th but when you're with someone almost everyday for 3 months straight it's so hard when they just leave and move on to the next like its nothing and I'm supposed to be perfectly fine with it

    • Well, you're not *supposed* to be fine with it. It hurts, and that hurt can take awhile to get over. It can be hard to trust someone again after a breakup, because you look back and everything seems like it was a lie. The best you can do is try not to let it jade you. There are plenty of people out there who actually ARE emotionally available and perfectly capable of getting just as attached to you as you are to them. He just wasn't one of them.

    • Thank you so much! My ex and I said we would befriends but then last night I saw on fb a screenshot of a CONVO he was having with this girl who he is talking to and he was saying how he "wants to f*ck her so bad" and I kind of lost it because that hurt so much so I tweeted and said you are a douche bag WTF was I thinking and he saw it so I don't think we will be friends anymore lol but I guess it's for the best

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What Guys Said 18

  • A) whoever breaks up with the other has often emotionally dealt with it already before the break up.

    B) people who are in a relationship but unsure often trigger a break up specifically to pursue someone else.

    C) I don't think this applies in this case but guys don't wait to be over their ex before trying to hook up with other girls. They are still horny whether they are heartbroken or not.

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    • I think B was my situation because my ex broke up with me over something completely stupid that was actually his fault and he didn't even try to fix it. He just let me go. Now I just keep wondering if he was talking to this girl the whole time we were together

    • Maybe, maybe not, and even if he was, it doesn't mean he was wishing he was with her. He may have only really decided in the last week or so.

  • What you're saying is the complete opposite of reality. Its actually the girls who move on so quickly. I've observed this since a long time. After breakups, most women tend to move on so quickly and put the past behind them, whereas most men take a really long time to recover from the pain of the breakup. Also, usually within weeks or sometimes just a few days after the breakup, that woman can be spotted with a new man in her life, whereas the man is desperately trying to overcome the grief of his breakup (usually by drowning himself in alcohol or resorting to drugs).

    The main reason for this is that women usually have loads of guys vying for their attention. So whenever a woman is in a relationship, there will be several other men waiting for her relationship to end, so that they can try their luck with her. So, even after a breakup, a woman is served the offer of a new relationship on a platter, sometimes within just a few days. But that's not at all the case for men. Even if they want to move on quickly, its not so easy for them to find a replacement for their ex (unless of course he has the looks of Brad Pitt or the wealth of Bill Gates). To cut a long story short, it is infinitely more difficult for a man to find a girlfriend, than for a woman to find a boyfriend. She doesn't even have to 'find' a boyfriend, because it happens automatically. So its a total misconception that guys move on quickly, unless the guy happens to be insanely rich or extremely good looking.

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  • You guys were together 3 months. He probably ended it because he didn't see. Going on longer. Regardless of how you feel, you were not dating long enough to be at all emotionally invested. Be happy he was heat about it and ended it before anyone could really get hurt. Long story short, t ere months, there isn't really too much to move on from.

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  • I am sorry to hear it. But I think I have a bag of peas in my freezer that is older than 3 months. You have to keep that in perspective.

    And that's likely how he could move on so quickly. It may have been a big deal to you, but it was probably a 3 month fling to him. It happens. And ya know what, one day you might be the one who moves on from a relationship quickly.

    The dumper always has it easier than the dumpee.

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  • It life, things like can and do happen. Sometimes its better to start something new, or chatting for not feeling that bad about themselves, for an ego. As being alone can be pretty bad. anyway everyone is different and it depends on the person.

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  • its not that at all. when you are with someone else right after, the rebound makes you forget about the other person.. I had a hard time getting over my ex until I started dating new people. In your case that's a short time period but, the effect is still the same

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  • what happened happened .. what's important now is to move on .. and never let such a horrible experience ruin your life with guys -i know that's hard- but that's the important thing now

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  • I think we mostly want the physical part, especially at that age. A new girl might even be more interesting sexually. It may not sound nice, but I'm being honest.

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  • testosterone blocks many of the emotions that estrogen enhances...

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  • Because in his mind the relationship was over way before the words came out of his mouth. Girls are capable of the same behavior.

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  • 3 months isn't a long relationship. ...that's why it's easy.

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  • It's not just guys... my girlfriend of 2 years started dating another guy after 2 days,

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  • As men, we like many, many women.

    As women, when you like a man, you want that one man.

    We have no quarrels replacing.

    Just nature doing its work.

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    • ont you feel kind of absurd speaking for men when here men are answering here say its not just men and or they are experiencing the same thing but from the other end. where the girl moved on quickly.

      its perfectly fine if you feel like what you are saying is true about you. but you can't take your feeling and translate that into a theory about men.

      there are billions of men. You're all unique. Yore have your own mid ad your own will don't you? own

    • No offense to my fellow males here, but the vast majority of men on this site are wussies. Wussy tendencies don't represent the male population.

  • because there's so many girls ready to give it up, also you can order a hooker online in 10mins

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  • some do not, but most of them are considered wimpy or clingy so most guys just don't show it.

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  • Because we really don't have no choice . From being rejected to break ups, guys are supposed be the ones to quickly get over things. It's not socially acceptable for us to mope around but its okay if a female does it.

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  • Guys take convincing to become emotionally invested in a girl. I've dated some girls for years without feeling anything for them.

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    • So did you date them just to past time? Why did you feel nothing for them? Could you pinpoint a reason? Not your type? Not your "ideal"? Just curious. Thx!

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    • What do you mean "convincing"? That's kind of messed up

    • Really? Well, when a guy approaches you, doesn't he have to convince you to talk to him? Doesn't he have to convince you to like him and to give you his phone number and to take you out on a date? Of course!

  • 3 months is enough to become emotionally invested in someone and it isn't only guys that move on quickly. I am in the exact same boat as you are with this one girl, she just ended it so suddenly and out of nowhere and she moved on in such a quick amount of time and I find it almost disturbing that she could tell me that she cared about me and stuff but do something so uncaring like just completely disconnecting from me and pulling the rug right out from under my feet. Some people are only in it for themselves and that's the way the world is, some are ruthless and will use and betray other people just for a quick feel good.

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    • It's honestly the worst feeling I couldn't even imagine being with someone for a few years and them breaking up and never talking again. It sucks.

What Girls Said 11

  • Not all of them do... I have an ex who broke up with me (yes broke up with me) because of distance about three years ago and still, to this day, calls me to tell me how much he still cares about me and that he still loves me. Just wanted to mention that.

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  • Yes, maybe you were attached and emotionally invested in him, but it doesn't seem like he was just as attached to you. Plus, it WAS only for 3 months. Doesn't seem like he ever got fully attached, and the relationship was over for him way before he actually broke up with you.

    This, however, does not mean that all guys move on quickly after a breakup. It really just depends on the circumstances.

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  • I know for my ex he has the ability to block things out that bother him. In addition to that he started talking to new girls (from what I heard) what I assumed to me pretty much right after he dumped me. I think it helps guys get over their exes faster. In addition to the ability to just cease thinking about someone.

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  • You just... flip a switch...

    I don't usually get hung up on guys long...

    but then, I'm usually the one doing the kicking...

    That always makes it easier...

    and besides...

    Moving on is well.. more fun...

    The flirting.. the touching.. the kissing... the learning each other..

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  • Because it was over before you knew it.He had someone on the side just incase...Most people especially girls do that,by the time they tell a guy they are done they would have met some new guy way back such that when the break up is official they simply make it official with the other guy or say yes to him.Hurts but move along,cut contact and forget.I know its real hard to get over 1st boyfriend and especially one you lost virginity to.

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  • For ladies we tend to be more emotional compared with guys. And 3 months for some guys just may not seem long for them to be deeper in a relationship so it is easy for him to move on. He may be just using you for sex

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  • Because guys are a**holes

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  • He checked out of the relationship before he finally decided to break up with you, just move on. stop obsessing over the situation, live and learn and there are tons of other guys out there, don't rush into anything, he is not the only one all the best

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    • Not obsessing just simply asking a question get your sh*t straight sweetie

    • Sure sounds like you were, its your sorrow have fun

  • Anytime I hear a story about someone going crazy and committing suicide over someone it's a dude. Explain that.

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  • Sorry, three months is nothing. And you put out too fast. Maybe if you hadn't this wouldn't have been such a big deal or he might not even be gone in the first place. Behavior like his indicates he was just after sex.

    Better luck next time.

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  • not to be mean but it was only a 3 month relationship, I doubt there was any real love there after such a short amount of time. he liked this girl before you guys were together and "had a thing with her" (relationship? booty call?) so there's at least a bit of history between them, its not like he got over your relationship with a complete stranger which would be more hurtful in my eyes.

    maybe it was your relationship with him which was the rebound for that previous girl he's now made up with or he dated you because he thought he wouldn't be able to get her to be his girlfriend and tried to get over her but couldn't so had to end it with you and start flirting with her again

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