Cheating husbands. How can I help one get through it?

A girl at work was sharing with me info about her husband saying he cheated. She had been with him for 6 years and he had been with other women during the whole marriage, she’s pretty damaged emotionally drinking getting drunk every night and her family don’t care for her are unsupportive telling her just to get over it. I feel like I want to help her in some way but don’t know how as she’s so much older than me, she would probably have more life experience anyway on dealing with the matter. But is there anything I can say/help her with though to send her in the right direction of getting help? Like if I ask her if she’s gone to see a counsellor about it. Or what kind of advice would you suggest if ever you were in this situation? Your advice is much appreciated.

I'm 20 by the way, but she's in around her late 30s. I feel horrible even discussing this as it's her story it's like I'm somewhat breaking into her privacy and expressing it out to the world... but your advice would be so helpful for other women too going through the same/similar experience I guess. And really, I just want to help.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She needs to be shown how much she is worth and that her husband has disrespected her and betrayed her, so you need to keep convincing her that she deserves better and that her talents can claim so much more from a man if only she realizes how much she really is worth to the right man, and also direct her away from this sad case of a marriage because holding on to something that's not there will damage her more, because its not her fault he done this, its just that he is a disrespectful knob. She will need a friend, and it will take time, but telling her what she deserves and that its not her fault and that a man will show his worth to her as long as she realizes what's she is worth in the first place,x

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What Guys Said 1

  • All you can do in those circumstances is be a friend to her.

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    • Yeah well I am listening and supporting, but I just feel like asking her what she's doing to help herself or if there's anything I can suggest to her to get the help she needs. It's hard on your own and she has kids too to think about.

What Girls Said 2

  • Her family may seem unsupportive to you but it is more likely that they are tired of hearing her sob about her situation while doing very little to change it.

    I admire your desire to help but in reality, there is almost nothing you can do. There are no magical words you can say that will switch the lightbulb on for her. She has to decide whether or not she wants to continue living with a serial cheater or break free and create a new life for herself..

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    • No she told me her family are unsupportive herself, I don't know them so really can't say, but that's what she told me she felt. She has left him, but imagine being with someone for 6 years and having them cheat throughout the whole marriage you would feel like a fool and regret having spent so much time with them. Six years is a long time, you can't just snap your fingers and be over it. She has a right to feel and sob all she wants, it takes time. She has kids too so it's kind of tricky.

    • Ah, OK, your OP didn't specify that she had left him.

      Yes, she does have the right to be sad & miserable. The best thing you can do is try to be there for her tears and help her see that she can be happy again. Point out her good traits, take her out if you can, watch her fave movies with her...just be her companion and try to get her to smile and laugh.

      Basically, show her that there are good people in the world who care about her. :)

    • Oh, that's alright I understand, I should have been more specific.

      Yes, that's sound advice telling me to be there for her and try getting her smiling again. I'll do my best, thanks for your point of view. It's just good to see it from a different persons opinion :), wasn't sure how to deal with it and I feel it's really no one else's business for me to tell it or bring it up with anyone in reality, they don't need to know. It's her private life, and people have their own problems I guess.

  • It won't be the first time he's cheated and it won't be the last either. She just has to decide if she wants to be mentally abused for the rest of her life or not. It's her choice

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