I snooped and found out my boyfriend is smoking pot- what to do?

Before you criticize, I know I shouldn't have gone through his phone but I knew he was hiding something, I was sure it was either drugs or cheating. I also know I can't get an honest answer from him because he knows pot is a deal breaker for me.

He's over 30, but he acts so irresponsibly. He just got his job and we have been living together. He owes me $500 which apparently he can't pay back. He's been sleeping in extremely late, hasn't been able to follow conversations, can't seem to concentrate, etc. from my job I know all the signs but I just wanted hard proof.

I found out he has been buying pot from his friend and spending quite a bit of money. He could have at least paid me back especially because I needed the money to pay bills and he knew I was barely scraping by.

He's been lying about where he is going and who he is with. I don't know how to confront him. I don't want to marry someone who does and spends money on drugs.

The biggest thing is - he's also a heavy drinker and I would go as far to say he is an alcoholic. He's even admitted he has a problem once. But then he doesn't do anything about it. I honestly have no idea what to do.any advice?
I know it seems obvious to break up with him but I do love him. We live together, have a lease&that makes it more complicated.i also invaded his privacy. I want things to work but I don't know if its wrong of me to want him to change.Weve talked about his drinking before&he acts like I'm asking him to give up his fun.
I love him&he has a lot of great qualities. I should explain he lost his job because of the recession&it was hard to find a job here- he stayed because of me. He was depressed because of that&now his dad is sick&his brother is having mental issues. He doesn't drink as much as he did before me but to me, for his age, it still feels excessive(like he's still in college). He gets wasted every Monday after work w/his friends&usually stays up drinking a few more nights of the week. Weekends he's usually drunk.
It's"how he has fun."


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your boyfriend sounds like a loser. He is an adult and can't get his life together. I'm in high school and I see a lot of people who are more mature than he is in my day to day life.

    Just break up with him:

    -He isn't a man, just an immature boy

    -You mentioned to him that smoking pot is a deal breaker for you. You found out he smokes pot. Need I say more?

    -He is lying to you and isn't able to handle life, that is why he drinks and smokes.

    Find someone better.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Imagine if your bff wrote you and said,

    "My boyfriend is a pot-head and an alcoholic. He lies to me about where he's been and who he's with. He owes me money but spends it on his drugs-of-choice. What should I do?"

    How would you answer?

  • To be blunt, those are excuses.

    Plenty of people have worse issues than his and don't resort to addictions.

    I think it would be helpful to you if you would consider answering the question I posed...if your bff wrote these posts, how would you respond?


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