I dated a guy back in the winter for about 3 months. He was crazy for me and pursued me heavily. We live over an hour apart so we would see each other on weekends but talk and text daily. I had no doubt he was really into me. Well, he started to do a 180; became distant and not seeming so eager to see me towards the end. He had a terrible break up months before( she had left him for another man, they were together for 2 years). So he made it seem like he just was not ready like he thought he was. We got into a argument on the phone and he hung up, and I didn't hear from him again. Until now. 3 months passed with no contact and he sent me in the mail a 2.5 page letter apologizing for what happened. Asking for my forgiveness, saying how he wanted to move on from his ex but something prevented him the ability to love and be loved. Went on to say how wonderful, beautiful, smart, etc that I am and very much wanted to me in my life again. That's the letter in a nut shell. So we have spoken and I forgave him of course and we have hung out a few times. When we are together it is like we are dating. We have been intimate, kissing hugging, just like it was before. But when we are not together I feel like it is nothing. We text some and talk about once a week. It is very slow. I let him initiate almost everything to the point where he asked me why he has to contact me first and asked if I was upset. So I have been trying to be better about it. I asked what his intentions were at one point and he said he didn't really know. So I am basically confused. Why would he contact me after all this time to just be friends? I know he was hurt badly in the past and most likely still has feelings for her , so does that make him emotionally unavailable? I did ask him if he could just be my friend and he said Yes, that he really likes me and would still be very attracted to me but would be just my friend. He then said it may be hard for him to see me with another guy. So I don't get it. Not over his ex so he keeps me on the back burner? Scared to get hurt again? Why send me that letter and ask to be in my life ? I do have feelings for him so him coming back into my life has been confusing. What do you think...
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it sounds to me like he is not over his ex really...or more he is not fully over the pain of the last relationship. he likes you clearly but isn't fully invested in a relationship as his heart and mind are still pained from the last one. I think the problem for him is that a part of him knows you are a good person for him, he likes you, is attracted to you, etc but another part of him probably has fear and trepidation about getting into another relationship.
i think for your sake you need to really have a thorough converastion. you need to find out, and verify for yourself if he seems ready for a relationship (not just what he says, but how he says it, his body language).
I've been in heartbreaking relationships and even months after they ended, while I didn't want to be alone and knew that I was done with my ex, my heart still felt the pain of the relationship and so I knew I wasn't really ready or prepared to give myself to someone else.
on your end you've got to protect yourself from being hurt by a guy who may not be ready for a relationship, so proceed with caution0