Am I really letting the ex "win"?

If I do not show up to certain outing where she will be?

She broke up with me after almost a year of dating because she said she never loved me. I tried to get her back at the time, but I failed, so I let be.

We went NC for a few months, but I would see her here and there because we are in the same social circle. Such encounters have been brief and awkward.

However, this upcoming fall are some outings/events that would entail us sitting together at the same table with mutual friends. I don't think I feel to comfortable with this arrangement. Being in the same bar or church is one thing, but sitting at the same table is another. She may be with a another dude and that would extremely awkward. I would rather not go, but my friends tell me that if I don't go, that she essentially "wins" because she has the power to drive me away. I hate that this has become adversarial in nature.

Any good advice as to what's best? I think I have already proven my point by previously being in the same room with her and saying hello with a smile. However, I don't want to push my luck, especially since I have yet to see her with a guy.

Better to save face and go, or save heartache and not go?


What do the ladies think? They would be creeped out or annoyed if an ex shows up to the same outings, even if there are mutual friends in common?

Aside from saving myself any discomfort, I also do not want to creep my ex out.

I respect women and would want to give her space.

However, I would hate to think that I gave her power.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The exact opposite can be said.

    She doesn't have any power to drive you away, I completely understand your position.

    It's more like "after how she broke up with you, why would you even want her to enjoy your presence?".

    So I think that we could say that if you go, that's when she wins. Because her environment isn't changed, because it shows her that she can get away with bad behavior , without the subject of the bad behavior to react, as if she had done nothing wrong. And pretend nothing has happened.

    If you don't feel like going, just don't go. You don't need to justify yourself.

    • Thanks. That's an interesting way of looking at it. I know that she (at least from what she tells me) is used to guys (including exes) chasing her. If I go, it may be interpreted as me chasing her around which is the dead last thing I want. I kind of also want to give her space and not creep her out, showing up everywhere she goes.

      But, on the other hand, my friends will be there and would like me there.

      What a knot!

    • Well you can go and see your friends, and ostensibly avoid her. Cold shoulder ftw ;)

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What Girls Said 1

  • well for me - I usually don't push myself to doing this at all - I hate to push my self or my heart to act okay - I love myself why would I hurt it just to prove am okay to someone- if am not okay am not okay and I don't care if I have to prove the opposite - instead try be happy somewhere safer without having to see her face everywhere ;)


What Guys Said 1

  • Your friends are 100% right.

    • Maybe...but they are not the ones who would have to experience any discomfort or heartache, right?

      Thx for your comment.

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