How could someone I was with for so long get into another relationship so quickly?

I met my ex when I was 15, and we began dating when I was 16. We were together until I was 21. We broke up back in April/May, but remained friends and even talked about getting back together in the future after I finished school in 2 years - I'm going to college now 5 hours away. Our relationship had been rocky, we'd been on and off, his family got tried to interfere in our relationship many times, but we loved each other, at least I did.

I moved to college in August, and exactly a week later he full on dumped me. Told me to leave him alone, didn't answer my calls or texts for a half a day. He finally called me saying I had to stop calling him because he had to keep his phone on for work, but he cared about me and I was loosing him, something along those lines. I was mad and hung up. Later when I tried to call him his brother answered and said leave him alone. We didn't talk for 2 weeks.

I found out he began talking to another girl, his brother's girlfriend's best friend, the same week he ended things with me, and the next weekend (this last one) he drove 10 hours to see her/meet her, and now they are in a relationship. More specifically, courting. They are doing long distance, and she lives 5 hours farther away from me. I had a feeling he was talking to someone else and I was right, I knew when he said he would be out of town where he was going, and I knew that on their last day together he would ask her out; my gut feeling has been right this whole time. I also had a gut feeling that he would probably get engaged soon, and after hearing him specifically say courting I know that it will happen.

I never got closure, I just got dropped like a pile of poop. We told each other we were best friends still, we talked about getting back together, we told each other we love you and he said how he wished we could run away and get married. Why did/does he feel like it's OK to do this to me? Why couldn't he tell me what was going on? Why couldn't he say good-bye? Why does he think it's OK to abruptly stop talking to someone after talking every day for 5 years? How could it take him 3 weeks to get into another very serious relationship? And if he was feeling this way back in May, why couldn't he tell me or let me know, especially before I moved? Did he never love me? Does he not care about me anymore or hasn't for awhile?

I know I have a lot of questions, I know I'll never know for sure why, but any insight would be a lot of help right now. And this is super sensitive to me so you can be honest, just please don't say it in a rude, harsh, or mean manor.

Thank you
He said he cared about me and was NOT loosing me. Which makes me more confused why he would say that if he had intentions of being with someone else.


Most Helpful Guy

  • well it sounds to me like he was already checking out of the relationship while you two were still together. otherwise there is just no way he could be ready to move on after a 5 year relationship. the relationship for him must have started to end before the proverbial d-day.

    he is also probably just rebounding and looking for a girl to get attention from. like others said your closure is the relationship ending. it's really best to allow for space and probably not contact him in any way. that means no Facebook or other social media contacts. after a long relationship like that you are goign to be tempted to check in and see what's up but it's better to develop a sort selfish tunnel vision. look straight ahead and don't check the rearview mirror.


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is why NC after a breakup is usually better. He was stringing you most people who string others along, they think by avoiding truth they can "not hurt your feelings". So he likely told you what you wanted to hear.

    The relationship was over in his mind way before he broke up with her.

    There's no such thing as "closure" that you're expecting to get. He does not want to be in a relationship with you, that's the end of it.

  • Welcome to the world of romance missy, where everyone speaks immovable words of love, then realize in the end they are in fact 100 percent replaceable!



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