We have a history. Should I follow my head or my heart? I'm so stupid.

This is a really complicated situation. Two years ago I went out with my current on-off boyfriend, we clicked and connected so well, I've never felt so compatible with anyone. He was my first boyfriend. But he ended it after 3 weeks because he wasn't ready for commitment (he recently broke up with his ex of two years).

Heart broken and torn I went depressed knowing I was the possible rebound girl. He denied I was and wanted a second chance but I did the no contact rule and cut him off.

A year later, he had a girl interest (pretty, sporty, all the guys digged her), she rejected him and he was left hanging. I still felt for him, he knew but he would just ignore me. I heard they hooked up. I was hurt, and so to feel better about myself I began to do things for me, I lost weight, fixed my wardrobe, studied for good grades.

Earlier this year, he contacted me via Facebook out of nowhere (I was not expecting it). He apologized for ignoring me and he wanted to be friends. So I let him. I was feeling good about myself anyways, a lot of people had complimented me on my weight loss and how I look different. But ...as he and I began chatting online and texting, we both started opening up how we still have feelings for each other.

Summer this year was over, College began and he just didn't live up to what he told me online. He was hanging with a girl a lot and partied and didn't involve me. I confronted him about it and he said he needed time to be fully ready to commit to me. Out of anger I fully cut him off AGAIN.

I was so hurt and thought: I'm going to move on. I went out with someone else but this lasted two months because I got sick of his immaturity and him forcing me to do sexual acts. I ended it. This was worse than my first relationship.

My ex (first bf) came to me and apologized again and said it was a huge mistake to let me go. He missed me and was guttered when he found out I was going out with someone else.

This is going to sound stupid but... I still felt for him. Our feelings for each other were still there but it seemed timing wasn't right. Last week we made out passionately like crazy at his house briefly. We both had been wanting to kiss and be physically intimate with one another for ages.

He is currently my on-off boyfriend. But now that I just got out of a relationship, I told him I wasn't ready for one. He understood and said he'd give me time and space. But I know he's sad.

Within the two years, he has improved as a person, he has matured, learned his lessons/mistakes and is understanding to me. I don't know what to do. My family is against me letting him back in, some friends support me, others don't and I completely understand. But there's these strong genuine feelings I can't get rid of. Same goes for him to. We honestly get along and click so well.

Sorry this is long. Anyone have advice? Should I follow my head and break it because of what he's done to me in the past? Or just stay with him following my heart? I am honestly stupid


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well.. You should go with your heart and see where things go. "The heart wants what the Heart Wants" You seem to have those Everlasting feelings for this guy and they will never simply go away without a divine reason. See where this takes you. Of course your parents will object no parent wants to see their daughter in pain especially when,its a guy involved. It takes a real good reason to get over the first person you feel compatible with. I think you should follow your heart it may not turn out to great in the process but if you do end up breaking up again (hopefully for a better reason) you will be able to get over him. Eventually your heart will have had enough so go with your heart this time. Feelings like these won't go away just because your brain thinks they should. Good Luck

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    • Thank you so much for this, it has helped alot. I am going to follow my heart and see. I am prepared for whatever the consequences are but I like this guy alot. I can't seem to avoid it. But yes...thank you :)

    • You're welcome, Good luck

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What Girls Said 1

  • Let me tell you what is going to happen.

    You're going to give him another chance. You'll be happy for a little while but then he'll start ignoring you, hanging out with his friends more etc. You'll get suspicious because at this point you know there are other girls around when he's not with you. You'll practically pull you're hair out from the pain and confusion you'll inevitably feel from his actions because, as you said, you two "connected". You'll end things again. Maybe because you get tired of it or maybe because he makes another lame excuse about how he isn't "ready" to commit to you. You ARE his rebound regardless of what he tells you. You are the bridge between him and his next girlfriend.

    Show yourself some respect and don't let him do this for the third time.

    I don't speak with malice, I speak from experience.

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    • Thank you for this. I know where you're coming from and I completely agree. It's just this time, HE'S the one initiating commitment. I'm the one right now who isn't 'ready'. But he's been sticking by me ever since. He wants a long term relationship but he's waiting til I am. ?

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