Many guys my age like the single life too much. How do I find those who don't?

I'm 21 and I'm recently single (it's been 3 weeks). Throughout my 2 year relationship, I rarely went out with my friends because their night out is always Friday and Friday was my set ''date night'' every week. Now that I'm single, I go to the student bars every Friday night from 5 PM to one AM. I got to meet lots of new people since the breakup, I had lots of fun and I got a bit frisky with a new guy (that didn't last). It's always fun while it lasts, but I've come to realize that after guys get to know that I'm available, they either

a) Don't make moves on me (either because they're not interested, have a girlfriend or don't have the guts)

b) Try to figure out if I'm the bangable type who'd agree to fool around with them (which I am not).

Since the breakup, I haven't met one single guy who showed genuine interest in me for a serious relationship. I understand that guys at bars are just looking for a good time but heck, they're guys I have a lot in common with and with whom a relationship would be very feasable (same uni, same age, common friends and hobbies, potentially living nearby). Why don't they take advantage of this and try to pursue me properly? It's not like I'm uninteresting, socially awkward or very physically repulsive! It's like guys don't take me seriously and once they realize that I'm a strong woman, I know what I want and I won't do one night stands, I get straight into the friend zone.

Besides, all the guys I know who would like to find the woman of their lives either

a) Have too much baggage (ex: ''My best buddy stole my girlfriend", ''I got cockteased by a girl all summer and she dumped me'')

b) Aren't the alpha male (ex: Would wait around for me to make all the moves)

c) Are friend zoned

I don't know in which libraries you go to but after over 4 years studying in science, in all the libraries I've been to, NOBODY ever chats. People just focus on the stuff they're doing without even paying attention to whomever is around.


Most Helpful Guy

  • No alpha male types willing to sweep you off your feet, eh? Sounds like you're f***ed. Relationships with betas, or casual stuff with alphas. Your choice, champ!

    "b) Try to figure out if I'm the bangable type who'd agree to fool around with them (which I am not)."

    "I had lots of fun and I got a bit frisky with a new guy"

    Hmm...maybe you should go for the casual stuff with the alphas.

    • Yay thanks so much for such motivational thoughts. I won't go for the casual stuff. I never have and never will. Let's see how long it'll last until I get myself 11 cats and turn myself into an elderly home. Sweet

    • Show All
    • Ah yes, the friend who all the guys want that makes you feel totally rejected, I presume?

      Good luck, anyways.

    • Lol yeah that's right. Thanks!

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What Guys Said 6

  • Because you're in a bar. Guys don't take girls in bars seriously at all. You're chances of bumping into a guy that is interested in a relationship in a bar are like 1/20. Go to other places where you can find people who could be serious. Join a special interest group where you can potentially find guys who you already have a common interest with. If it doesn't work out at least you had fun doing something you enjoy. Spending time in a bar is only gonna suck your wallet dry unless you're gold digging guys for drinks and cause you to potentially wake up with a hangover.

    You gotta find someone who has the same views on sex that you do as well. Guys in bars want girls who aren't scared to be sexual up front. If you're the "relationship only" sex type, a bar is not for you!

    Plus it is OK to make the moves and then see if he makes moves back. It can help you find mutual interest. If a girl is frequenting bars there's no telling how many guys could be dinging her cell phone for sex. This is what guys think of girls in bars.

    Also, don't assume all guys "don't have the guts" to hit on you. There are guys who could simply not be interested in you. Some may not have the guts but there are others who will just not be interested in you.

    The other thing is that dating overall is a chore for guys and less guys are dating now because of how much of a risk it is for a guy's wallet and potential feelings for a girl who could just be interested in nights out that are free for her and cost the guy in the end... followed by her disappearing for another guy. There's only so much fake interest guys can take from girls. More and more guys are protecting themselves. Many guys who are trying things like online dating are saying that girls are only interested in dinner dates and such which causes them to not be interested anymore because 1. they don't know them and 2. they have bills to pay too.

  • You're not going to meet a decent guy in the student bar, try the library.

    Also most guys who are 21 are immature, players, or too shy to be "alpha" so you may have better luck with older men.

  • Erm.. if they're uni age, then IMO there's little else to expect.

    Not many people that age actively think about long-term relationships.

  • It's only been 3 weeks. Give it some time.

  • You sound a little too demanding. Just relax a little. If you present yourself as being a prize to be pursued (in other words an object), guess what, guys will view you as an object. Of course, you shouldn't do one-night stands if you don't want to.

    But, wouldn't you worry if a guy wanted a serious relationship with you right away? He has to get to know you first.

    I'm going to be honest here. Guys generally prioritize sex, while girls generally prioritize relationships. That's why it's easier for a girl to get sex, and it's easier for a guy to upgrade sex into a relationship. As a girl, you basically have to prove you're relationship material (whereas a guy has to prove that he's sex material). Saying that guys in bars are looking only for sex is like when guys complain that girls want only such-and-such a type of guy. People who are romantically unsuccessful tend to blame the opposite sex. You just need to be honest with yourself. No guy I know thinks, "No matter what girl comes along, I don't want a relationship", though it is true that some guys are more easily persuaded than others. You need to be honest with yourself, because what you're doing at the moment just isn't working for you.

  • If you want to find the "guy of your life", then why are you waiting around? Why aren't you making moves? Women need to get over that old fashioned mentality and take some risk like the guys do. I don't understand why do women believe they're exempt from first moves but they want to looked upon as our equals.

    • Dude, I made moves before and last time, I ended up realizing this guy I moves on just wanted to get in my pants. Stop cut the crap about me not making moves, I make moves all right but I ain't pursuing a slutbag who sees me as meat.

    • Simmer down, take a deep breath, and count. 3,2,1. 1,2,3 what the heck is bothering me! lol!

What Girls Said 1

  • Don't go to a bar or club. Only sleezeball manwhores hang out in bars and clubs. Try libraries or even a theater.


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