Should it bother me that my ex-girlfriend is involved in drinking?

Should it bother me that my ex-girlfriend is involved in drinking? I want to make it clear that I don’t judge people for their choices and that I have no problem with people drinking. But she’s somewhat of an exception. We broke up amicably several months ago but have chosen not to talk to each other. We’re both college students and attend the same college. Back when we were involved, she promised me several times over that she would never try alcohol and never even think of getting drunk or “s**tfaced,” because it was one of her personal expectations not to. I also said the same, because I had tried it once and didn’t like it. She is such an outstanding student academically and has strict goals in place - a 4.0 student. Recently, several friends told me separately that they saw her at a house party, where she did get “s**tfaced” and eventually passed out.

I found this extremely disheartening and even painful to hear in some ways. Even though it’s none of my business what she does now, it still feels saddening because she was so heartfelt and genuine about staying true to her goals when I knew her, which she now apparently failed. Should I feel this way?


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  • You are an awesome guy, you know that?

    it is not often that I run into a question like this, perhaps even the first time.

    Yes, you should feel this way! It shows you actually care about how your ex is doing even after you decided not to talk. There are so many people who are egocentric and just ignore stuff like this. Please, do not change this about yourself, we have a shortage of people like you as it is.

    You should contact her and just ask her how she is doing. Since it was a 'good' breakup, chances are she will be open to that. Show your genuine interest in how she is doing, but don't ask her directly about that house party. That is personal and she is the one who should decide whether or not to tell you. You could tell her, if she tells you she is just fine, that some friends told you that she tried alcohol. Don't mention that they specifically told you how she passed out and everything. By telling her this, you allow her to fill in the blanks. If she doesn't, then her choice is make and you should accept that.

    There is no harm in asking how an ex is doing, not at all.

    If you have more questions, ask them!


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