I'm ready to walk out at this point. What do I do? I need some real advice if you could help me with this one!

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I've been seeing a gal for 11 months now, semi long distance (2 hours) for most of it. I met her while visiting my hometown which I planned on relocating to. When we met, I felt an instant connection to her. I honestly saw long term potential as I got to know her. The first 6 months were great. I met her friends and family and we did everything a normal couple would do. The only problem was the distance and it took its toll on us. This led to a lot of arguments. We both agreed at the time it wasn't working and we decided to put an end to it.

Fast forward two months. Now after no contact with her, she texts and calls out of the blue, wanting me to come back. I was reluctant at first, but gave in. After discussing the option of me moving back, she seemed happy. But once again, I could feel her becoming distant a month afterward. The affection and intimacy almost came to a complete stop. She came up with excuse after excuse and at times acted like nothing was wrong. 'At this point, she's either lost interest or has gotten cold feet. Something seemed off after what I thought was going good. This was at the 9 month mark.

Now after another month of seemingly distant behavior, and not wanting to see me, I get a text once and a while, her asking how I'm doing, what I'm up to, etc. Other than that, nothing. The last couple visits I made, she'd flake out or say she was too busy to spend time with me. This has all gone in the last month.

Now currently I'm back in my hometown and she knows this. I asked once or twice together, and after her saying no, I gave up on it. I got fed up with this odd behavior and told her I needed answers. In a 10 minute phone chat, she tells me she's not looking for a relationship and that she doesn't want to be with. She came up with every excuse in the book. She 's busy with her job, she has a health issue she's trying to get over and that she's stressed out. This was never a problem in the past, and if it was, I would of picked up on it. I told her I understood and said OK, if that's what she wants, then were done. No more texting and calling each other. The only time she's texting me now, in the two weeks since that chat, is to know I'm up to on the weekends, like where I'm at and what I'm doing. She's sorry for everything that's happened and blah, blah, blah. I don't respond to any of this.

Right now, I'm trying to make sense of this, and I can't. What's her reason for doing this ? Is there another guy on the side, and am I being strung along at this point and why? There is absolutely no other reason for her behavior other than that she's hiding something. If it was a loss of interest, then she wouldn't keep continually initiating contact. Do I walk away at this point? I'm starting to think that the person I met, is a complete fake and doesn't know what she wants!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're completely correct in what you think about this gal you met. my advice is to just move on and get on with your life. and to be honest you really don't know who this girl is and maybe its a good thing that you're noticing all the red flags now rather than trying to push for a relationship with someone who might turn out to be a complete nightmare who you will never be able to be rid of. life's too short and it sounds to me that you moved onto a new chapter in your life. so don't let anyone hinder you or make you question who you really are. I hope this helps and take care!

    • Yes you are right. I don't know this person. After a year, I thought maybe I did. Its sad to think, that after all this time invested, it was wasted, in a sense. I will keep looking for sure!There's someone out there who will accept me for who I am and appreciates the time I givecthem. Thank you!

    • you're so very welcome and I wish you the very best in meeting someone new and someone who will actually value who you really are. you deserve the best!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sometimes, when a relationship is over, it is very obvious. Someone has cheated, or you realize you have nothing to talk about - whatever. But sometimes, as in this case, it is not. I think it is possible to love someone and the relationship still doesn't work out. It could be the case here: Perhaps she feels lonely without you, but she finds she cannot cope with the long distance situation at the same time. Or sometimes, esp. in a long distance relationship, you long for each other and imagine what it will be like, but then reality is not that good, because you forgot to imagine just everyday life as well and so you are left continuously slightly disappointed.

    I think your estimation that it is in fact over is probably correct, but she may have nostalgic feelings and doesn't quite want to let go. I find it unlikely that she has another bloke, because if she did, she would be very keen to end it all a bit more clearly and cleanly. She probably isn't a complete fake at all, but she really doesn't know what she wants.

    I don't know if this is a good idea, but maybe you could agree on not having any type of contact for at least 6 months. If then there is still some feeling left, you need to talk if you want this relationship to become a real one again. If not, then you will have moved on.

    • I really do appreciate your response! By reading your answer, it sounds like a possible reason for her recent actions. It still comes as a shock to me, honestly. At some point, you have to look back and see where things could have gone wrong. For us, I believe it was a communication break down. I will follow your advice and see what happens. In the mean time, I'm gonna move on and keep looking!

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