I'm letting him lead - is this a wise choice?

I've been talking to a man for the past 3 months. I'm completely into him, a lot, and from what it seems like he is too. He and I are very busy people so there are times where we talk or communicate every other day or not until really late at night.

Now I've made my fair share of mistakes in past relationships so I decided that I'm not doing that this time. This time although I did initiate contact with him it was not over the top I wanted him to know that I wanted to talk to him but that I wasn't going to 'stalk' him either. After showing a fair amount of interest on my part I took the back seat and let him take the lead.

We're now at a place where he initiates the majority of our contact. He usually will text me during the day saying he hopes I have/had a great day or just texts me to check on how my day is going. I know that on Saturdays he'll most likely call me and Sundays aren't usually a day we get to talk. I text him though too but I try to hold back a little bit because I don't want to come across as clingy or desperate. He knows how I feel about him and He's mentioned us being together but I feel like until we've established what kind of relationship we want I will not put him in the boyfriend role where I'm constantly sending him cute texts or telling him how much I miss him even though I have a couple times but want to do so more often badly.

Am I taking the right approach by letting him lead and holding back some for now? For once I feel like I am really being pursued by someone who wants me. I guess since I don't always initiate and he does that he wants to talk to me. I don't want to move too fast or too slow here. I want to be bold at times but not where it may scare him away. Any advice? Thank!


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's good not to be clingy. Was the problem in the past that you were too clingy or you were perceived to be? Once things move to a different level will your behavior change? That might throw him off balance. For all you know he might want you to initiate more and feel free to express yourself the way you want to. Would it feel too weird to ask him what he's comfortable with in terms of the level of your initiative?

    I'm a big believer of people being themselves. If you need to be someone other than you really are to keep him then maybe it's not the best to be together. He should want you to be yourself too. Now if someone has a quality they wish they didn't have, then this is not something to give free reign about in the name of being yourself. However the point is not to hide that quality but to try to work it out of your system. If your hiding it, then it will surface later and the other person will feel deceived. It's much better for everyone if they know about it in advance but also know that you are trying to replace that bad habit or quality with something better. You can even bring the other person in to help live out the better quality.

    • I feel like I had the tendency to be a little clingy at times, always wanting to hear from them and then upsetting myself when I didn't. I do initiate though, I don't always wait for him, that's just not right or fair for that matter. I see what you're saying about things possibly changing. Honestly haven't thought of that and it could but not in a drastic over the top way. I don't want to treat him like he's boyfriend and scare him off if we aren't even there yet, you know? I don't know if that's good.

    • I see what you're saying. Sending notes saying you miss him at this stage may well freak him out. My may concern is to not go over the top in acting against your nature. In this case any degree of being clingy is inappropriate so early in a relationship.

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