Is it too soon for a new relationship?

So here's the situation. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years at the end of July. He dumped me, although I did agree with his reasons (we were different people, no common interests anymore, want different things for the future, etc). It was still tough though. I spent a few days crying on and off because my ex told me that we shouldn't stay in touch, at least not initially. It was a bit of a shock having all ties cut.

The thing is, I got past the crying stage after just a few days. I started to hit the resentful stage and felt glad that we split up. I properly acknowledged everything that I shouldn't have actually tolerated from him. I also began realising that I wasn't even sure if I did love him. I think I was more in love with the idea of a relationship than him specifically. I'm still confused about this even now.

I've made use of this break up. I've been hanging out with my friends about 3 times a week, been getting back into neglected hobbies, getting healthier, changed my hairstyle, etc. I've really grown as a person and am really independent now.

While hanging out with friends, I've become close with one in particular. Over the space of a month (from the end of August until now) we became insanely close. We have so much in common, we shared all our secrets with the other, he's great fun, etc. I quickly developed feelings for him and so did he for me. We've talked about our feelings for the other, how quickly it happened, how it just "clicked". We're not actually a couple yet though. We decided to leave it because of my break up and it felt too soon logically (even though emotionally I feel like I'm over my ex and want to be with this new guy). We've flirted a bit, kissed a couple of times but that's it.

I guess my question is whether its possible to get over a long-term relationship this quickly? I don't think about my ex, I couldn't care less what he's doing, I can think of good times together fondly without any hurt, etc. Also, do these feelings with this new guy sound like a rebound or genuine? I really believe they are genuine because I care about him so much and I'm not in a rush for sex or anything.

Sorry for this being so long but any feedback would be appreciated! Thanks in advance! :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think there's a specific timeline to say how soon it is to get into a new relationship from the former; people are different. But July doesn't sound very far off, especially considering that it was a two-year relationship.

    And if you read what you've written, it seems to me your ex is still lingering a bit too much in the little corners of your mind.

    And this new guy, what will happen when it will all come down to building the relationship on a serious level, do you think it will really work?

    Are you sure you can give him all your heart and your mind? you know, avoiding the little comparisons with your ex and the daydreaming about those sweet little memories.

    Do you want to disappoint this new guy? Do you really care about him enough to sacrifice a little bit of time to do some house keeping in your heart and your mind? (because you had said with your ex, you were more into the idea of a relationship than the guy. Could it be happening again?)

    And if his rosy-sweet feelings for you are real, is he willing to wait for you? Am I even making sense?

    Stop thinking about yourslef for a minute, think about the new guy. Do you want to put him through a lot of stuff? Do you think you can make him happy by not twisting others into your relationship? If not, then you really do care about him and should perhaps you should take it slow and take him (if you were only thinking about yourself, I'd strongly advise you to consider.)

    Anyway, that was my opinion. I hope I helped

    • I get what your saying. We have decided that we were not going to let anything happen particularly for a few months because he doesn't want me to rush and is happy to wait. I am worried about jumping in too soon because I don't want to hurt this new guy in any way. I have insanely strong feelings for him and have never felt like this with anyone, not even with my ex from what I can remember. Thank you for your input, I will think hard about what you've said :)

    • I would love to hear you say that after about five months, but I'm glad to have contributed. But... I wish you all the best. May the moon and the bright stars shine with brilliant elegance on you both ;)

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