I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months, we get along great, I thought we were both really happy. Then all of a sudden the other night, he starts telling me that maybe we should just be friends for now. I asked him why, since this shocked me and came out of nowhere. He told me that he's been different since he broke up with his ex 5 months ago.
I asked him to elaborate. He told me that he had dumped her after dating for 2 years. They had talked about marriage before, but they met online and lived 2 hours away from each other. I guess towards the end he would put everything into the relationship and she didn't put in anything at all and they were fighting a lot. So he dumped her, thinking that if it was meant to be she would try to get him back. But I guess she wasn't even really that upset about being dumped, even though it devastated him.
So he says he's been different, since that happened. Still bitter that he spent 2 years with her, and to her everything meant nothing, when he thought they were each others' worlds. He says that he wants to go back to being who he used to be, before all the drama with his ex and their break-up, and that it isn't fair to me, that he isn't "at his best" even though I don't feel mistreated or anything by him.
I feel like he's stuck obsessing over what has happened in the past and how it changed him, instead of accepting that yes, he has changed, but it doesn't mean that he can't still change for the better in the future.
He said he had been thinking about this a lot for a few days, since his ex texted him, basically gloating about how happy she is, and he feels like he hasn't been good to me, even though I feel like he's been a pretty awesome boyfriend.
I don't know what to do. I really like him. He claims he likes me and that he isn't still in love with his "f*cking b*tch" of an ex. We kept talking and all I got out of it is that somehow he doesn't want to be with me because his ex is a b*tch and changed him? I even specifically asked him if he even knows why he wants to break up, and he said no. He had to go so we ended our convo, but he asked me to give him a day to think.
I really want to help him because he is a great guy, and ideally I don't want to lose him, especially when I might not even understand why exactly it is that he doesn't want to be with me. If he wanted to break up with me because he doesn't like me or because I'm annoying or he met someone else or whatever, OK. But I just don't understand the whole "I don't know" thing that he has going on.
Most Helpful Guy
he's not over her. it sucks for you because frankly he shouldn't even have gotten involved in another relationship. 2 years is a significant time to be in a relationship and five months may not have and clearly was not enough time for him to get over it all. The fact is you don't want to be with him unless he is 100% over the past relationship. He probably doesn't love her but it is clear that he is jaded by ex's treatment. I've been in his position and you want to move on and clearly he has a lot of respect for you to be honest about it (even if it's a bit late).
i'd give him some space, explain that you will be patient if necessary but that you like him and don't want to throw away a good thing without giving it a real shot. try to subtley show how you are different from the ex but be prepared for the fact that he may just not be ready...
if I were you I'd guard your emotions because you are in a vulnerable spot. protect yourself so you don't put yourself in a position to be hurt0