Well, hi everyone. I have a huge problem and I am asking for your help.
My name is Amily, I come from Eastern Europe. I am 22 years old and have been in a relationship with my fiancé for three years. We started dating in October 2010. In July 2011 my boyfriend went to the army and started his compulsory service. He was 400 miles away for 2 years, and I waited for him. In the beginning my relationship with his family was fine. We visited him together and they seemed to like me, with the exception of his elder sister who is extremely jealous of him.
When he came back and we went on with our relationship things became worse. At the same time I was invited to work for a very good company and started earning a lot, so they seemed to be jealous. I helped my fiancé to find work, we do everything together and even applied for immigration to another country together.
His family know that we are very close together and that he loves me more than his life, and they hate it. He always discusses all the important things with me, plans the future as we want and not as they want.
He is only 24, and his sisters are 33 and 40 and unmarried. They don't have their private life, they haven't dated a guy for ages, and they don't even have a sexual partner. Besides, they don't have the type of education I have and they get very low salaries.
His parents are 60 and 63 and they aren't very successful.
In my 22 years I got Bachelor's degree with honor, Master's degree with honor, a good job, am very active, beautiful and successful. And his family just hates me!
I never thought I could dislike my man's family, but they neglect me and detest me, and do their best to make us argue or split.
I am so tired of it, and don't know what to do.
We spoke with my fiancé and he said this is because he loves me so much and I am independent enough not to need their help, so we can live without them and away from them. He is arguing with them about me, and they say they want someone else for their son. He is ashamed of their behavior.
I am sad about it and so is my fiancé. What shall I do?
Most Helpful Guy
Take into account two things.
1) You are marrying your fiancé, not his family.
2) Your fiancé comes attached with his family.
So, if you do intend to marry him, your only option is to distance yourselves from his family. You have to talk with your husband-to-be about this issue specifically. If he agrees that his family is being unsupportive, you have to BOTH agree to diminish contact with his family.
You've already applied to emigrate to a different country - that's a good first step. However, your fiancé will want to visit his family from time to time. You have to discuss what that's going to look like - will you invite them to your place (power position)? Or will you "come home" for the holidays and have to smile and fake being nice to people who are mean to you?
Try to find out what their problem is. They seem to have been surprised that you were still together after his military service. It's entirely possible that they know you're a good catch, and that they know you will "take" their son away... but the more you know, the more you can work on the problem. Maybe you brag about your career too much? Maybe you have to pretend to be unsuccessful? Maybe they don't like your pink dresses? Who knows?
The important thing is that you communicate your concerns to your future husband. If he understands that the issue lies with his family and not with you, together you can make a plan to gently cut them out of your life together so that their negativity doesn't affect you moving forward.
Congratulations on your efforts thus far, I wish you all the best!1