How do I cope with the abuse I've endured and stay focused on my goals?

I've been choked by a guy, threatened with a knife a gun, pushed, choked in my sleep etc. I've been screamed out often by my mother and kicked out as a teenager when I tried to talk to someone about it. My ex boyfriend threatened to rape me as well. It seems as if it just keeps getting worse and worse.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to change. Change the way you see others, the way you live, the people that you date, change the locks, change the phone number, change your address - change the way you see yourself, change the way you let others treat you. No one should have any 'power' over you that you don't let them have. You also have to learn to communicate and trust. Find someone that you trust, a support group, a doctor, religious leader, phone a hotline. Talk. To SOMEONE. I know that it sounds crazy but talking does help. Learn to deal with and accept you past, put it behind you and embrace a future and a new way of life. Get religion, fly kites, go sky diving - just make it something different the you usually do, what ever it is - change.

    Also, love and respect yourself. No one else will respect you or love you if you do not truly love or respect yourself. Women are a gift to man. A gift to cherish, love, hold dear, respect and care for. To protect, to provide for, to love. They (women) bring life into this world, our off spring. Our blood. Our future. Why would anyone want to hurt, humiliate or injure such beauty is beyond me - incomprehensible.

    I am a victim of not only sexual abuse (rape and sex abuse for 8 years) of self-destructive behavior. Don't try to be something that you are not. You are not a victim, a waste of space or a piee of sh___! You ARE worth love, life, respect, care, protection and all that comes with being a gift and NOT a possession.

    The time for change has long past and was history. Like all history, if you do not learn from it you are doomed to repeat it - so CHANGE. There is help out there - seek it, accept it and move on - put into life what you want out of it.

    Best of Luck to you.

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What Guys Said 4

  • To start with, you'll need to find a way to accept that:

    - this was NOT your fault

    - you DO deserve better

    - these people were committing EVIL against you

    That's easier said than done, so you really need to get some counselling, both private and group if possible.

    It is not your fault that you have been hurt and damaged, but you have been, and far more than just the physical stuff. You may not realize it, but abuse is "what you know" and as wrong as this sounds, it's what you are COMFORTABLE with and UNDERSTAND, so you'll continue to choose and be drawn to abusers again and again until you learn how to break that pattern, and you'll almost certainly need some professional help to do that. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed of that! It's no different than needing physical therapy after bad injuries from a car crash or sports accident: you sustained damage, and that damage is at the level where professional help is required in order for you to heal properly, so GET THAT HELP.

    Your immediate goal is to get away from your abusers as quickly as you can. Your intermediate goal is to get some professional help at dealing with this, and your longer-term goal is to find the self-respect and self-worth inside you so that you KNOW, all the way down to your toes, that you DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS, and that you will NEVER TOLERATE ABUSE AGAIN.

    Here's the thing: abusers generally don't abuse those who stand up for themselves; they don't even like to be around those people. Abusers like passive victims who continue to take it over and over again, and they are instinctually able to pick those people out of a crowd. Likewise, abuse victims usually have a long history of abuse, and tend to gravitate towards abusers and repeat the cycle. You need to break that cycle, get out on your own (or with a trusted friend, if possible), and learn to grow strong on your own, so that if you come across a potential abuser, you will not only recognize them for what they are, but you'll also stand up for yourself from Day one with them, and not tolerate their crap.

    I'm not saying it will be easy, because it will be hard, but the alternative is to continue the cycle again and again, and worse, to have children that are born into the cycle, which is what usually happens.

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  • Right now you most likely feel like a victim, and have a victim mentality. You need to learn to love yourself, and feel more empowered. I would suggest taking some self defense classes and see if that doesn't help raise your confidence and ease your insecurities.

    Try writing down all of your goals, and create a plan on how exactly you are going to make them happen. Write down time frames for accomplishing each step in your plan, and post this plan somewhere that you will see it every day.

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  • Leave. Doesn'tmatter where, as long as you get away from the people that are hurting you.

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  • Stop dating a**holes.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's never easy to cope with abuse! I was physically abused by my parents, raped at 11 (in which my mom told me I was a lying slut and wanted it), date raped repetitively by my ex and his friends off and on from the age 13-15, also choked, beaten, and mentally abused by the same ex! I know a little about abuse (by no means am I trying to compare myself!) It's not easy, there is no magic spell or potion that takes all that pain away. For some people they need therapy to deal with traumatic life events, for others they have to figure out something else for themselves! The one thing I can tell you is that you need to get away (if you haven't already) staying around will only make healing harder. And then you need to find someone anyone close to you and open up to them. They worst thing you can do is keep it bottled inside, it will slowly eat away at you. When you let it go you can learn to forgive and move one, but keeping it inside will only make you crazy with guilt and frustration. Things like this is what causes others to form mental disorders! Feel free to message ANY TIME! :)

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