Did I make a mistake?

Lets just get right to it. I met this guy at work, dated for 6 months. Had a lot of fun together even though we are complete opposites. He had always been pretty clingy and manipulative when I was tired or didn't want to hang out, he'd basically guilt trip me into doing things with him because I felt bad. He'd tell me he was depressed that he didn't see me very often, etc etc. I spent as much time with him as I possibly could, all while having my own life. Not to go out, or party or whatever...just to have some time for myself. He would cry over very small things and discussions. My parents were coming back to town (after 5 months) and I was very excited to see them! He got almost...jealous when I told him how excited I was to see them finally. He said he shouldn't have to beg me to hang out and all this nonsense. Which was ridiculous, because whenever I could, I'd go over to his MOMS house and hangout in his bedroom and watch movies, or we'd go out to eat. Super sweet guy, would do anything in the world for me. I just couldn't stand the guilt trips and crying anymore. (by the way he's 28 and I'm 24). He has never lived alone, other than when he was engaged, twice... and all in all, it just wasn't working. I felt that I couldn't ever give him the amount of time and attention that he "needs". He had an extensive surgery done about 1.5 weeks ago, I visited him in the hospital and took care of him while he was there. All while working a full-time job and doing my own errands. He is off work for 3 weeks to recover. I felt absolutely horrible about it, but I needed to end it because the stress of him constantly being so emotional was driving me nuts. I cared a lot about him, he just wasn't the right person for me.

So the point of this is... how awful is it that I broke up with him while he's recovering from surgery? Should I have waited til he recovered, all while dragging this out? I just feel horrible. He cried a lot and I just didn't know what else to do because it wasn't fair to either of us...

any type of feedback would be great.

Ive contacted him to make sure he's OK, because he does struggle with depression as well. Just a huge mess :/
He also wanted to know "what was wrong with him that he keeps getting dumped" I just told him we just didn't work as a couple and that its not really anything he's done (yes I lied, but I really didn't want to hurt him. he's super fragile...)


Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds crazy. Like whoa, those are biggg red flags, pump the brakes kind of crazy. Leave him. He's manipulative, jealous, controlling, and very possessive. You don't want ANY of that.


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What Guys Said 2

  • He sounds like a manipulating control freak. You've been dating for 5-6 months and he's already getting jealous of things? wow. Not trying to show you how much of a lump this guy is, but yea, he's a big lump.

    Him getting jealous cause your parents came back, should be a big red flag to you. Why would someone get jealous because of someone else's family? Its like he's trying to steal you away from them. Which he has no authority too. And it seems like your still falling for his games. Aka him crying with having surgery and asking you why?

    Your relationship is still super fresh. Who goes through so much emotion and heart ache within the first couple of months? No one is the correct answer.

    I feel like this guy has issues with being alone, that's why he manipulates you to stay. And you may be saying "no no that's not that case", but this clearly is.

    You shouldn't have waited to do anything, for if you nursed him back to health, he would have been more attached, and the break up would be a lot more worse.

    I don't think you had full intentions at first to even date this guy, and some how some way got sucker'd into dating him.

    If you really wanna tell him why he gets dumped all the time, its because he needs to learn how to love himself first, before trying to date someone and manipulating them into loving him. That is the straight forward answer you should give him. With no attitude added. Just straight.

    One of my buddies used to do this to a girl he dated. And I put him in check one time, and he didn't like it, cause he was manipulating her in front of us, and I was like Johnny, if she doesn't wanna do it then don't make her feel bad to do it. Cause you could clearly tell on her face, she wasn't that type of girl. Anyways, this was like 9 years ago. Yea I don't associate with people like this. And its good that you have walked away from someone like this. This guy you are dating is acting like you guys have been dating for 5 years, when really its been like 5 months.

    Just stay away from people like this, they have very shady characters/egos.

  • He needs to know why he gets dumped or the cycle will happen all over and then he will resent women and may turn to anger and hurt someone or depression and hurt himself. but find a way to make it constructive.


What Girls Said 1

  • You had to do what you had to do. I've never been in that situation but I won't dump someone before or on a holiday/birthday. I always wait til afterward but then I'm miserable. To each their own.

    • Oh I totally agree he needed to be dumped. I'm just like you in that I get guilted into doing things and worry about their depression. But a person can only take so much. You had to do what you had to do.

      I would probably make a list of pros and cons for him about why he always gets dumped, and try to never talk to him again. Hopefully helpful criticism and so good things so he doesn't feel like he's totally worthless. Or say nothing at all. He's 28 living at home he's gotta know?

    • Thank you for your feedback. I just feel so awful. I just didn't know WHEN to do...and I started regretting it when I saw him cry. I just couldn't handle the manipulation anymore! He also has a 2 year old son, and he apparently was upset that I never met the kid. I've NEVER dated anyone with a child, therefore I didn't know WHEN to get involved and didn't want the kid to get attached in case we broke up. (which we did!) Ugh. He was even trying to make me feel guilty when I ended it. It was rough

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