Question for the girls when you break up with a guy (for research)?

If you break up with a guy girls (not one who has cheated)

- Is that really the end, is there a chance you would go back to them? if so, why?

- Are there things guys do after you break up with them, that can influence your decision to possibly return to them. i.e begging, txting, crying etc

- Is there anything a guy does during a breakup which makes you more attracted to them.

- Are good guys boring and bad guys exciting? (lets thrash out this stereotype.)

Basically talk to me about breakups that you have initiated. Did you ever go back, and did the guy have any influence on your decision by their actions during the breakup. Did they ever do things that re-affirmed reasons why you left in the first place.


Most Helpful Girl

  • - Not at all. I'm a ''you're dead to me'' prone gal, whether I do the breakup or whether I get dumped. I didn't contact my ex since my breakup and it's been over a month. He's so dead to me that he and his family are blocked on Facebook.

    - No. Don't ever beg someone to take you back. When my last relationship ended, I told my ex I wasn't desperate and that I wouldn't stay with someone that didn't want me anymore. He wanted to stay friends and I told him he couldn't have his cake and eat it to, and that I wouldn't keep him in my life whatsoever if we broke up. I kept true to this statement. Please don't step over your pride for some girl that doesn't know what she's missing. You're just not meant to be.

    - No. A breakup isn't fun, it's nothing to attract me more to someone. To the contrary, it usually makes me a bit disgusted by the guy. I usually want to get it over with ASAP. When my ex left my apartment after our breakup talk (it was a ''break'' talk actually, but in my head it couldn't lead to anything other than a breakup), he started crying while looking at me. He was basically the one dumping me, but he was crying. I basically told him to leave so make things easier. Despite the fact this showed his attachment to me, I didn't change my mind. He cried on the phone too during our actual breakup. It was the most difficult phone call of my life. I cried a lot more than him in all of this, but the whole discussion disgusted me nonetheless. Sometimes, things have just been said already and there's nothing left to add. There's no point in beating a dead horse and dragging things for too long. A clean breakup is the best.

    - My ex was a good guy. I've only dated good guys. I don't like bad guys. They're usually players and selfish individuals. I'm a good girl, so I don't care for a tool. That being said, I don't want to be with a carpet, so please stand up for yourself and don't let everyone step all over you.

    The only guy I dumped, I dumped very early on in the relationship. We had been dating for a few weeks and had kissed. I just realized I wouldn't ever feel comfortable being his girlfriend, so I ended things before it all began. He tried to make me change my mind but I was dead set. If I don't see things working, I won't force them to. I tried to, with my ex, and now I know it's not meant to be.


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What Girls Said 8

  • I broke up with my boyfriend about 3 months ago. I was devastated by it and I didn't really want to, but for months we hadn't communicated properly, and every time I asked him about our future he blanked me or brushed me off. There were other reasons like he kept in touch with all his ex-girlfriends, he never took me to meet his friends, he undermined me and was very very controlling. In the end, although I loved him to bits, the relationship was not good for me and believed I had to end it. It was really hard but I didn't see any way forward and he wasn't going to change.

    I am ashamed of the way I broke up with him (over email) but we were a long way from each other and it was the only way I could explain why without him crying and emotionally blackmailing me, which he had done in the past. I hadn't intended on just leaving it at an email, I was going to get a train to see him and explain but he was very blasé about it all.

    He said he was overwhelmed and heart broken but didn't really put up much of a fight. He just simply answered all my questions about the relationship, like why do you keep talking to your ex-girlfriend. He didn't deny it, or suggest he would not talk to her anymore, he simply said yes we talk but I have absolutely no feelings for her.

    I never actually spoke to him in person again, he just kept begging me to stay friends with him, which I agreed to. He begged me again, he said he understood the reasons for breaking up with him, but please could we be friends. I agreed again, although I found it hurtful he wasn't trying to get me back at all. He didn't once suggest he would change his ways.

    We didn't speak for a long while, then he text me one day as if nothing had happened and asked if I wanted to come down to see him to hang out at the beach.

    I avoided it because he made no effort to get me back and he just wanted to be friends with me and I was still hurting myself.

    He asked me if what I really wanted was us to get back together. I said I was still in love with him and missed him terribly.

    He said he loved me too.

    Next thing he asked me to take our relationship status off Facebook, told me off over text saying I was being unreasonable still having it on there after a week of being broken up. Then he told me off again and said to tell him what I wanted there and then.

    I wasn't entirely sure, but because I he was shouting at me I remembered how unpleasant he could be and said I want to be on my own now.

    4 weeks later he got a new girlfriend, so he got over the heart break pretty quickly and I was easily replaced. I think he showed his true colors at the end. He was a liar and a womaniser.

    He was a so called good guy, he was extremely sensible with everything in his life, never drank, never partied, but with women he really did not know how to treat one properly.

    Think I am better off, I wanted him back for a while and still long for him now sometimes, but I know it is over and that I will never see him again.

  • If I dump someone, it's because I can no longer see them in my future/I no longer have feelings for them. Begging, texting, crying, etc. will definitely not win me back; if anything that's all a huge turnoff. I don't really understand what you mean, when you ask if there's anything a guy does during a breakup that makes me more attracted to them. No. I'm breaking up with them because I've established that there's no way that I could end up with them. When it's over, it's over. I've never gone back to someone after dumping them, and the reactions of most people when they realize they're being dumped are far from endearing. The frustrating thing is that most guys/people in general don't seem to understand that just because someone's breaking up with you doesn't mean that you did anything wrong, or that there's something wrong with you... It just means that for some reason or another, the person you've been seeing has come to the realization that you're not the one for them, and they don't want to waste anymore of your time or theirs, pursuing something that just isn't going to work out.

    As for the good guys vs. bad guys, I'm not sure what this has to do with breakups. I've never been attracted to "bad boys." I prefer the good guys... I want to be able to respect the person I'm with, and to feel like an equal. Nice guys don't always finish last. The problem is that some guys feel entitled because they're "good." Just because you're a nice person, doesn't mean that you have game/sex appeal/shared interests or chemistry with the girl that you're attracted to. There are other factors that play into mutual attraction, some of which you can't control. As such, simply being a nice person doesn't mean that girls are lying when they say they do like nice guys, but aren't into you.

  • I also think that the reason I can't find a guy that will respect me and treat me the way I want to be treated is because I like "bad boys." My boyfriend has tattoos all over. I think he's the hottest guy I've ever met. No one else seems to think so, but I still feel like I haven't won him over.

  • There is a chance that I would get back together with them. If I liked them before, the feeling will not go away suddenly.

    Crying and begging will probably not help. If I see them moving on, it will make me jealous.

    - Are good guys boring and bad guys exciting?

    No! Good guys are sweet, fun and exciting. I don't find anything exciting in bad guys.

  • Is there a chance I'll get back together?


    What will it take?

    Stop doing whatever it was that bugged me enough to kick your ass to the curb in the first place.

  • Depends on my reason for breaking up and if something has changed about that over time. If it's a break up because I stopped loving him, then the chances of getting back together are very slim. If it's because he did or said something I can't get over, then maybe, if we work it out, yeah.

    If I broke up with a guy and he keeps on texting me, begging me, crying, etc... I'd just feel worse and I'd feel more sorry for him. But deep down it would annoy me, so that won't influence my decision (but if it would, it wouldn't be in a positive way).

    I broke up with a guy once face to face, never gotten back together because he acted like a little child during and after our relationship. Seems like he couldn't get over the fact that I dumped him and not the other way around. I once got back together with an ex, he broke up with me, and that was a mistake I shouldn't make again.

  • I want to break up with my current boyfriend. I feel like if the timing was better, it could work out better. I have trust issues, and he loves an hour and a half away. I'm in school, so I can't or won't move closer to him. If I had my degree, sure I'd move closer because hopefully, I'd be able to support myself.

    I'd never go back to my ex. He's one of those guys that won't change or grow up. Women follow their intuition. It's not just things that the guy does, but it's how the woman feels about what he does. If she breaks up with him because she thinks he's not empathetic, it's because she knows he could change for a little while, but he'll eventually go back to his old ways. You can't change a guy.

  • My recent break up was over the guy telling me he thought we could not have anything serious (LDR) and so this hurt me so much that I felt I had to stop talking to him, because he had never really indicated he did not want something serious up until then.

    So all it would take for us to get back together, was to have HIM open up, tell me we could have more, because other than that, I was crazy about him. I still am. I miss him a lot and now sometimes we talk as friends I guess, don't know what that means, or if it means he still wants to be connected to me, or if we will ever get back together.

    Boring guys are just guys with no personality or sense of fun, and I love kidding around and acting silly as much as I can.

    But overall, in some situations, IF the man is listening, and I suppose IF he cares enough to make a CLEAR effort that he wants me back, it's possible. Things like cheating or abuse, of course not.

    What's wrong at a time like this though is when guys take it too far trying to play it too cool, because then the girl just feels hurt like he never cared and she might accept attention from other guys who will ease her pain.

    This is how I feel right now, this all hurts so much and he's there yet he's not and so if he's hiding that he still has feelings, then what good are they if I don't know they exist? And I can't sit here and be sad and hurt like this forever...


What Guys Said 1

  • I find this question to be disturbing. If your girlfriend is such a bitch that she dumps you for no apparent reason why would you want her back? and if she suddenly wants you back why would want someone so indecisive


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