Boyfreind constantly thinks I'm cheating

so I recently moved 5 hours away from my boyfreind of 6 months to go to college, and he asks me all the time if I'm cheating and "i better not be cheating" and even if I just don't answer him for 15 minutes... or if I go to the bathroom... he has some major trust issues so I am a little lenient, but it really hurts my feelings because I am very loyal.

also recently he says that he would kill me if I cheated on him.. and he's really sweet he's not a physcho haha... but it bothers me that he spends time thinking about that he would kill me if I cheated on him...

what should I do.. I know a lot of bad things have happened to him and I feel sometimes like hes. confused and ... I don't know upset? he would never hurt me, but

its hard for me to deal with the no trust thing.. but this is actually scares me


Most Helpful Girl

  • (Sorry about the long response lol)

    Girl, I think you need to take some time and really wonder what your long term goal is for the relationship in terms of could you see yourself with him for the rest of your life? The reason I say this is because this way that he is acting now is not gonna change, so its up to you if you are prepared to accept that type of behavior or not. The fact that he says he would kill you if you cheat says something to. You don't want to end up in an abusive relationship down the road. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm speaking from experience.

    I was with a guy for 6 years. He was always a little 'overprotective' at first, always wanted me to call when I reach from point A to B and when I got back. But I thought it was sweet. He always said he didn't know what he would do without me etc etc. After two years, I found out he had cheated on me with an ex of his for basically the first one and 1/2 years but I stayed with hiim because he grew up a kinda hard life and never really had any role models and plus I loved him, my family knew him so I said I would forgive him since he said he'd never do it again blahblahblah. As more years passed I observed certain things about him. He was the sweetest guy ever until he didn't get what he wanted, he was always accusing me even though I never even gave him a reason to think I was unfaithful, and he started threatening me.

    I realized his cheating was the reason he never trusted me, because he probably thought I would cheat on him too, which is why he was playing police man concerning my whereabouts. Whenever I missed he calls we had HUGE arguments and I would be the one trying to convince him that I'm innocent, when it was him who was being insecure. Once I was by him for the night and he went through my phone when I went to bathe, saw a text and blew it way out of proportion, which ended up with him putting me in a choke hold and he said he would kill me if he found out I was cheating on him.

    So I understand about being leniant but believe me honey, that controlling behavior he has now is going to get way worse if you stay in that relationship. If you think you can handle it, I wish you luck, if not I mean you're young and there are plenty other fish in the sea. Just my opinion.

    • hmm ya my boyfreind does show some of that behavior, but I know he has not cheated becuase right now he's in like solitary confinment for a really long time because he's grounded and when I was there we spended every blessed second of the day together haha. also I know a lot of people say guys don't change but I can see that he's actually just a really hurt person... and nobody sees it, he's only 17 what if he went to councelling? you have a lot of valid points tho, I will going to give him an ultimatum

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    • yeah I love my boyfreind but I wish he would stop being controlling beause I want to have a career and be happy and if we do get married I woudl not ever stand for him abusing my kid... because I have a mom liek that and it just can't happen..

    • I wonder about that SAME thing. I don't want to set myself up for failure and be ten years later with his abusive behavior and our children being scared of him, with me unhappy. That's why I need therapy to get a third person perspective of if the relationship can be saved or if its too late. I want him to go too lol, but I want to go by myself first. If you really get him to therapy, you could have a way better chance of keeping the relationship alive. I really wish you best of luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • tell someone than leave him saying you don't need that sort of stress in your life and he should see a therapist about his truest issues.

    I would be scared to death if I had a Girlfriend like that.

    • well I actually really really love him.. we are very close, but I know he has had some unimaginable bad things happen to him.. I want to tell him he shoudl see a councellor but I think he might think that's stupid

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    • okay thanks

    • any time. :)

  • I don't know you, so I can't say if you are cheating, but I had a nickel for every woman who told me that they are faithful and weren't, I'd be one of the richest men alive.

    Women now cheat just as much as men do, if not more. So guys can get insecure. What men should be doing is holding women accountable.

    • both men and women cheat but I'm telling you his reaction spawns from his inability to trust me. this is both of our first relationship, so neither of us have ever cheated or been in another relationship beofore. I haven't given him any reason to not trust me and even tho he acuses me of cheating constantly, I trust him and never accuse him... I know a lot of women cheat but not all... and I just don't think he has any reason to beleive I would even consider cheating..

  • No, he is a psycho, and he's seriously paranoid. He's constantly accusing you of cheating, and refuses to give you an inch of space, and STILL calls you a cheater? That's a psycho. What he's doing is abusive. I know you love him, but you're in love with somebody who's abusive to you. You need to wrap your head around that.

    • okay :( I mean.. he very sweet when we are together... he never accuses me or fights and we get along fine, its just when I'm so far away

    • Yeah, that's still abusive. That's still controlling.

What Girls Said 2

  • From personal experience, if he accuses you of cheating it's because he's doing something that he shouldn't be and he's just paranoid. Or he's capable of cheating and he's afraid that you are too.

    But I can't say that applies to everyone.

    • yeah I thought about that a little, but he said that if he ever cheated on me he woudl kill himself... I think its due to bad experiances he had so his trust in people is mostly gone, do you know any way I can convince him I would never cheat? I mean I tell him that all the time... but it doesint seem to make a differance

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    • Telling him you're gonna be faithful won't be enough, if you moved in with him his suspicions would stop. Because he would know where you are when you go out (as long as you tell him where you're going) and then he would feel way better knowing you're near to him at night. Knowing you are at college where there's a wide array of guys available to you is probably why he's acting up now. So probably try counselling, if he doesn't get better by 3 months maximum think of moving on.

    • okay, thank you so much!

  • you should put camras all over your house exept the bathroom and send him the footage everyday so he know your not cheating on him


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