Guys, if you are still in contact with an EX?

PLEASE READ.

My boyfriend, who I have been with for almost a year, has an ex girlfriend of 5 years. they broke it off, but did not have a bad break up, its cause he moved far and she didn't want to move with him. he told me they don't talk sexual or any of that, she just talks to him about there friends and gossip.. here's the thing SHE has no clue he has a new gf... he says he does not want to hurt her... ( meanwhile he has done this in the past with another girlfriend, where he did not tell her he had a girlfriend (the one of 5 years))...

but should I be OK with this? can you guys really just talk to an ex non sexual? if you ended on good terms? she lives too far for him to go see her... he really did have strong feelings for her, but because she did not want to move he decided to move on with his life...

he does not treat me like a slut... he treats me with respect, I just fear that maybe I'm just a replacement till if she ever decides to come into his life... so I need a guys perspective if you were in a situation like this...

how do I know if I'm not just a replacement :(
Updates:
i don't nag him on this or make any complaints cause I fear ill just push him away... I just ignore it and trust him when he says its just friendly
he accidently clicked photos on his comp once and there are old pics of him and her on there ( I mean I get it 5 years is a lot), but I keep getting hurt cause I'm so insecure... so I need opinions on how to tell if I'm nothing to him or if I'm something and if this is even worth it. he talks to me all day. he gets pissed if other guys talk to me... I am over his house all the time...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, you're not stupid. You sound like a great girlfriend and any guy would be extremely lucky to be with you. But, the fact is, they broke up and he(supposedly) moved on. It's not his responsibility to make sure she's OK with your relationship. That being said, honestly, it sounds like neither of them were truly ready to move on. That's unfair to you and unacceptable. You deserve far better than that. I understand that you don't want to nag him about this because you're afraid it'll push him away. But, this is not a healthy, secure, and stable relationship and, furthermore, you know that. You need to put your foot down and be clear and firm about this. He needs to be all in or all out. There can't be a healthy relationship between you two if they still have an emotional connection. If he can't come to terms with this then you'll have to either suffer threw this until he they finally move on or he breaks up with you and they try again. Personally, I think if he is unwilling to come to terms with this you should break up with him and save yourself what little heartbreak you can. Like I said, you deserve far better than this and I'm sorry you are going threw this, it's not fair to you.

    As far as whether or not they still talk to each other sexually to each other, I can't say. You'll just have to trust him until he proves otherwise.

    Again, you deserve far better than this and I'm sorry you're going threw this. Just remember, this isn't your fault. He just isn't fully ready to move on.

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    • I know that they ended on good terms, he has been very OPEN with telling me how they broke up and why. I haven't even pressured him or asked him to tell me any of this...and he told me he has to move on (so I understand if maybe he still has a little feelings for her, but is willing to move on) I'm truthfully going to give this 6 more months, and see if he ends up telling her. Because I know b4 her, he didn't tell the previous ex about the 5 year girlfriend. Thank you for helping :) Ill update when I can

    • Your welcome. I hope everything works out for you. :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • If he isn't choosing to talk to or text her over spending time with you then I don't see a problem. If that changes I wouldn't stand for it and neither should you. Still, I would have a problem with him not telling her about your relationship. That would make me question his commitment to me so, you should definitely talk to him about it if it upsets you.

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    • Well he says he hasn't told her because they broke up on good terms, but does not want to hurt her. She found out, and she cried insanely, and he told me about it, and he said he calmed her down by lying to her...

      I don't even know anymore, am I just stupid? He says they don't talk sexual anymore, me and him talk 24/7 unless were working... She lives too far for him to go do anything...Before he met her he had another girlfriend, who he did not tell her about his 5 year girlfriend either to not hurt her.

    • I'm just going to re-answer. There's no way this is going to be under 500 characters

  • From what you say, I don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe there is something still there, or maybe there isn't. But I don't see anything in what you said that means he plans on getting back with her if he gets the chance.

    I was in a somewhat similar situation myself. I was with someone for 18 years. We were still good friends, but as a relationship it wouldn't work for various reasons. So we split and went our separate ways, but remained close and good friends. I still care for her and wish her the best in life. But there is no way we would get together again as a couple.

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