How to maintain 'focus' on hers and your own feelings during a relationship?

My ex broke up with me a month ago. afterward I started 'seeing' a lot of things we both did wrong (especially me).

The relationship lasted 1,5 years. For the last half year, we were doing poorly and I didn't really know why. I didn't see her being as unhappy as she was either, because for some reason I 'forgot' to pay attention. In return I was under some stress myself because she closed herself off from me a bit and things spiraled down from there leading to the break up.

The biggest problems I had were expressing my feelings and even more understanding hers, seeing that she was unhappy with certain stuff (stuff I could've easely changed).

Why do I only recognize these things right now? We had a talk a few days ago and she was really relieved to know I do know what my mistakes were.

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  • You have a lot more incentive to take a close look now because you realize what was at stake. Did she tell you that she was unhappy but you didn't hear it? Or did drift off on her own as well?

    Communication is two-way but in practice this is often not the case. People who don't express feelings easily are more likely to not notice when others are not expressing their feelings either. So not only is it important to learn express feelings that she needs to know about, you have to be aware of when you're not aware of her feelings for too long. In a relationship you can ask her for help in both of these areas, knowing that it isn't a strength.

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