What should I do about my ex flirting with me when he has a girlfriend?

Okay so me and my ex were together for around 10 months but we had dated previously. The first time we dated we were just kids and I was too scared to do anything at all and so he flirted with other girls and I called it off. Then around a year later we got back together but this time I went outside of my comfort zone and put a lot more effort into the relationship and so did he.

However, he became really controlling. I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends, talk to any other guys, wear makeup or bikinis, do anything really but I just went along with it because I loved him completely.

It started going downhill though. The controlling was getting out of control and was causing many fights. He seemed to think it was okay to flirt with other girls while I couldn't talk to any guys. He also blamed me for all the fights and never took the blame, making me feel terrible, and then he would 'forgive me'. He manipulated me a lot too.

Eventually he broke up with me due to the fighting but we tried to stay friends because we were best friends and knew each other so well. He still tried to control me even when we were broken up and he was mean and called me names. He black mailed me about talking to new guys saying that he'd tell my parents how far I'd gone (which would upset my parents). Then he liked this new girl which really hurt so eventually I just told him I couldn't be friends anymore and stopped talking to him. A week after I stopped talking to him he asked the girl he liked out.

I completely ignored him for two months and was so hurt by him that I cried often and didn't really know why I was so upset because clearly he was a jerk. I still cared about him which sucked and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop thinking about him and feeling hurt. I was put on anti depressants which helped somewhat but as he goes to my school and so does his girlfriend, it was in my face everyday. To make it worse, when I started hanging out with other guys or looking happy my ex would say something about him and his new girlfriend really loudly, knowing that I could hear, which would wear me down so much.

Anyways I just had two weeks holidays which was a good break but now that I've come back to school my ex has been really nice and flirting with me even though he's still with his new girlfriend...

I've heard rumours from his girlfriends friends that they fight a lot and it's really noticeable that he doesn't love her as much as he loved me. I don't know what to do? Like I like his attention and have missed him because he makes me happier than anyone but I know it's not good and I could get hurt. What do I do? Should I continue ignoring him even though it hurts? I need urgent advice!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes you should. he sounds horrible, but you are too close to him to see that. Think about physical abuse; often times the person being abused loves the other so much that they don't leave them, from an outside view it's wrong, but for them they can't see it. You deserve so much more! I understand that it hurts and I'm sorry I can't take that pain away, but that doesn't mean you should go for better. You are entitled to be with someone who treats you right, who doesn't control you. The right guy will come and when he does you will feel much better. For now, try reclaiming your own life and figuring it out without him. I dated a guy who hit me, yelled at me, and manipulated me. I ended up quitting all of my activities, distancing myself from friends, and eventually I even left my family to move in with him. He gave me a concussion. It wasn't the first time he had broken something, I had always just made excuses or blamed myself, but this time was different. I left him. The next week he was with someone new. It hurt so horribly, I begged him to take me back. After several months he did. Moving back in with him was dangerous. He would cut me, telling me I deserved it for leaving him. Somehow I got out of the relationship. But, for 18 months I was crying and unable to function. I missed him so much. I understand that what happened to me was extreme, and the situation was very different. I finally figured out who I was and I got my life back. I demanded love and respect. Now I am happily engaged to a man who treats me as his entire world, he would never lay a finger on me. That's not to say he is perfect; we disagree and argue, but that's real. It was very hard for me to move on and understand what happened. I thought my abuser was the world, I thought we knew each other so well and that we both loved each other too much. To this day he still tries to contact me, to tell me he loves me and that he's sorry, to blame me for everything, and to put me down. He shows up to my office with gorgeous girls draped all over him rubbing it in my face. Losing him hurt, but it was so worth it. I understand that this must be so difficult for you, but if anything, take what happened to me and don't let it happen to you. Find someone who will treat you right, but most importantly find yourself. Take time to figure out what you enjoy to wear and to do, who you enjoy being around. He is the one losing you, not the other way around. And, he knows that seeing as now he's trying to win you back. Show him just how much he is missing out on by proving to yourself you are better without him.


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