I just discovered something unsettling, what should I do?

so, I've talked about this a little before, but I have reason to believe that the guy I like was sexually abused by his dad as a kid (like age 5 or so). All the signs are there it seems like, and I just found out from a friend of mine that used to date him that he cheated on her, and more than once. She didn't know about it until after they broke up, (she had to break up with him because of a family emergency. afterward, she tried to get back together, and he toyed with her, letting her think it would work out for at least a month, the told her no) She still has a lot of respect for him as a person and a friend, (although she's over him and with someone new) but she said she's worried about me liking him. She knows about his dad, (although it's never been confirmed that he was the one that was abused) and always supported him, but he seemed to resent that she knew.

What should I do? This whole time, I've been trying to be there for him, and now more than ever since I know some of his past. I definitely know I can't push a relationship right now, because that wouldn't be good for either of us. I want to help him, but I don't want to get hurt, and I don't know how to do this. If he is a player, that's one of the biggest signs of childhood rape... He needs healing.


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What Guys Said 1

  • "If he is a player, that's one of the biggest signs of childhood rape... He needs healing."

    What?! Because a guy is a player, it means he was raped as a child?

    • No... I found out online that his father is a sex offender (9 counts of sexual abuse at once) and he has shown other signs. Like being super protective of his sisters, his google account has some self written poetry about forgiving someone who doesn't deserve it, he has nightmares all the time... they are all things you hear about, and it would make sense, given the situation. Plus, his dad is REALLY nice, like maybe he's trying to buy back his love.

    • Then why have that line in there at all? I don't understand.

    • because promiscuity and problems holding on to relationships/being faithful is a huge sign that he may have been raped, when added to the other stuff...

What Girls Said 1

  • this mess is way beyond your expertise, if he hasn't asked you for help, you should not get involved, this is something he needs to fix w counseling

    • listen carefully, QA

    • I'm not trying to fix him, really. I just don't know what I should do! I need to be there for him as a friend, and maybe give him tough love. I don't think he's ready to open up to a counselor, but he needs to. The problem is, he wants a relationship ultimately, and I can't do that for him! I don't know how to act around him.

    • if its not what you want just be there for him IF he needs u

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