Is my boyfriend controlling or just bossy?

Last night I was cuddling him and trying to get him in the mood when he launched into a speech about how I should wear makeup for him before bed and buy skimpy nighties to wear around the house. We proceeded to have *** but I wasn't in the mood anymore... I completely shut down because he didn't make me feel good. He rarely compliments me, and the comment about me looking better with make up made me feel crap. He said I was too sensitive. So we never finished.

This morning he was being VERY loud while getting ready for work, and put the overhead light on, after having said yesterday to be quiet in the mornings. I knew he was trying to punish me for the night before. I made a noise like I was annoyed, but he continued. Then I lashed out and said loudly 'stop!' but not like screaming. He told me to shut up (I said it back), slammed the door next to our bed and told me I'm crazy THREE times, to which I said "yeah, you've said that before" and then I heard him mutter 'idiot'.

I'm just drained of energy. We live together and I know he's either going to threaten breaking up or lecture me tonight AGAIN. I'm sick of these talks we have that are more like lectures.

Yet he hasn't taken away my self esteem really. Deep down I know I'm beautiful and he should be proud to be with me. I just feel like he's superficial and he gives me rules that he himself fails to follow much of the time.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Time for a break up. A permanent one. He's trying to hurt your feelings. That's not what a partner is supposed to do.

    Normally I'd say you should calmly tell him how his words make you feel, and tell him you can't go on feeling that way. In this case, it seems like it won't make a difference. He gets mad and in stead of telling you he's mad, he acts on that anger to hurt your feelings. That's not acceptable.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Your bf's an a**hole. End of story.

    You should have told him, that if he wants a fake blow up doll, that will wear makeup for him, that the dollar store is having a sale on them. Cause in reality I don't think he understand that he actually has a wife type of gf.

    You did nothing wrong last night. He's a douche and should go find a girl that cakes her face with makeup, cause he's clearly an idiot.

  • Sounds like your needs are not being met. Do you see things changing? Well then, why remain in the situation? Waiting till you're hand is forced? Hoping he does it instead?

    You're self-esteem may be intact right now, but if you don't take care of it, it will end up getting damaged.


What Girls Said 2

  • Does it matter what the label to his behavior is? Bossy or controlling? It's like asking someone if he's a prick or a jerk. The relationship obviously isn't doing you any good. A relationship has to be with someone who makes you feel good, worthy, happy, ... not someone who tells you to wear make up and dress in skimpy little things. If it were just a suggestion or something like: "hey, maybe you could try that" or "I like it when..." then sure, no problem. But the way he put it? And the way he doesn't listen, makes too much noise, calls you an idiot, ... Yes, he should be proud to be with you, but it seems like he takes you for granted and you shouldn't allow this behavior .

  • you sound like you like the drama, you need to ask yourself do you deep down in side like this time of relationship, You maybe into BDSM and not even know it, but lets say for the record that you are not, He seems to be a visual person he understands the world threw vision, so sexy closes and make- up is just what does it for him. me I'm a audible person, I understand the world threw sound, soft music and the way a person sounds turns me on. He sounds a little controlling to, but like I said you might like this and not even know it


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