How to tell someone genuine from a gold digger?

My boyfriend and I have been together about 5 months now. At first we would try to split costs of most things, like dates, dinners, activities, etc. Which I only find fair, I was never a "the guy has to always pay" type of person. Recently he has been in a really tough spot, and so I have been paying for most things, like dinners etc. I also gave him my Starbucks card to buy coffee with, which he is using like his own, I just put money on it. He just asked me yesterday if he could also borrow money to repair his car, and he will give it back next week. I honest to God have no problem with any of this, except it got me thinking - is he only with me because he knows I have a good job and he can have a good life with me? What are some indicators that would be the case? He is usually super sweet and caring and loving, and we honestly never had any major problems, and I never thought of him as a gold digger... Maybe I am just paranoid... I really don't mind paying for anything. I'd give him any money or borrow any money, I really don't mind. But I just want to make sure he is not taking advantage of me... How can you tell?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You will only be able to tell, if he doesn't meet the needs of fulfilling you back aka paying you back from what he has taken.

    He said he will pay you back next week. Lets see if he does. If he doesn't and comes up with another excuse. Okay, I would make a note of it. But if it keeps happening and he's not making his own money to start contributing to the family that you want one day. Then you will know.

    Right now, the signs are too early.

    if this has been occurring for months on end, then clearly he is using u. Aka he's all sweet and sh*t but he's broke as a joke. If it has just started, you will have to see if it keeps up, or if it stops.

    I would say the starbucks thing looks a little bit like a sign, but its not a big enough sign unless he's buying starbucks coffees like its unlimited daily on your card, and your refilling it every day or 2.

    Pay closer attention to if this starts happening more recent. Wait out the week, see if he pays you back, or if he brings up the subject of paying you back. If he doesn't, I would take that card away from him, don't be mean about it, just tell him that you would like your starbucks card back, if he asks why, cause it keeps my finances straight aka you know how much you have all the time to spend on coffee.

    Other then that, you will have to watch and see if he's actually true to his word, or if he's bullsh*tting. But right now its too early if this is the first case.


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What Girls Said 1

  • He's probably just going through a rough patch right now. Don't go to over board with paying with things if he can't afford to pay sometimes just stay in make food at home stay in and watch a movie instead of going out. If he gets made about that then he's probably using you for money. The starbucks card thing I would of done the same thing my boyfriend gives me something I'm going to use it. If you give him money for his car make sure he pays you back if not don't give him money for anything else.

    • Yea but here's the thing with the starbucks card, she gave it to him to use diligently. Not crazily. She said she's always refilling.

    • Show All
    • that's hurting, and there livers will give out eventually. Just cause my chick refills her card that she let me use, doesn't mean I have a right to empty it out everyday. You have no common knowledge and clearly no concept of money.

    • I'm actually amazing with my money but I also know that without her refilling it he couldn't continue to spend her money. I think it's disgusting how much coffee people drink but there's a lot of older people that constantly drink it all day and theyre still kicking.