I'm 26, a female and gay...over the past several years I have been hurt a lot by friends and those I've dated...been used, lied to, cheated on, hit, practically robbed blind and nearly murdered.
Always been the type to forgive and give many second chances...one I dated nearly murdered me, another cheated with 6 different people, another cheated twice after begging for a second chance, one girl broke up after a month and has had severa different guys and girls in less than a year...one was a gold digger...and the most recent one was constantly hung up on her ex, which slowly eroded my trust in her. I don't trust her at all anymore.
The most recent one has known me since June, we hit it off right away and we both developed feelings for each other quick...but she got depressed alot, therefore pushed me away and lashed out at me...just mean. And she was still stuck on her ex, talking about her and posting stuff about her alot. This really hurt me, as I felt like I was always second best and not good enough.
She came to see me a couple times, and it was amazing then...i bought her some nice stuff, made sure my house was super clean when she came over, tried to make sure she was happy, relaxed and comfortable...even paid for her to get home. We kissed a lot and made out too... But only a couple weeks later she was posting stuff on Facebook about her ex again, in the newsfeed so everyone saw it.
We have a huge blow-up then, pretty nasty fight...I felt used and like I'm just a back-up. Well things smooth over awhile and were OK again for a few weeks...till my friends spread lies about me to her and other people. Worse, they did it from my phone and I didn't know about it till days later when I got my phone back. I had nothing to do with it at all, but she says they hurt her trust. Nothing has been the same.
Last week some girl posted on her page saying "June 10 changed my life, I'm so glad I made you mine. you're amazing baby"...Only a week after her and I met. I confront her and she says the girl wouldn't leave her alone and kept after her...i didn't buy it. Then she goes off on me, saying we have nothing and never will...not to get my hopes up cause she wasn't ready for a relationship...saying that she never should have visited me cause it got my hopes up. Felt like a slap in the face.
It crushed me, cause I had been breaking my back fighting for her and trying to repair things, she didn't seem to care. I was in tears for days after she said that. I've gone back to cutting again, after not doing it for YEARS. Just hurting and crying a lot when alone...I own several guns, and when I take them apart and clean them my friends watch me like a hawk until I put them back up and lock them.
She's the reason I probably won't love again, my heart has barbed wire wrapped around it now so to speak.
Please help! My heart can't take this anymore :( I'm sorry for the length but tried to be as detailed as possible.
Most Helpful Girl
Somehow you are just getting involved with the wrong people. I would suggest completely cutting off all contact with anyone associated with any of those people/behaviors. Start completely fresh with people who will treat you well. I know it sounds scary to make a big change, but it's what you have to do if you want to find a better situation. Don't be afraid to let go of the past and explore something new and better.
If you have any friends or connections that AREN'T involved with that type of harmful behavior, look to them for support and a new social circle. Also consider family members. To help you make brand new friends, try joining a club, class, or support group. Participate in volunteer activities, church, or other types of community involvement. Remember that it takes time to get to know new people and find the right niche, so don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen right away. Stay optimistic and keep your eye on the future, not the past. If you need to, move to a new area to help you make these changes in the best, most thorough way possible.
If you feel severely depressed and/or are hurting yourself or thinking about hurting yourself, seek counseling or call a crisis hotline. They exist just to help in those situations, and you have a right to the support and care you need, so don't hesitate to put those resources to use. If you need help locating a counselor in your area, or finding one that is accessible to you, you can ask your doctor to refer you to one. They can help you find one that accepts your insurance or is the most affordable to you in case that's a concern. Also take a look at the links below for hotlines and other resources. You can also check in at a clinic such as Planned Parenthood to get information.
Crisis hotlines by state: link Don't be deterred by the word suicide- these are for any emotional crisis where you need support.
U.S. hotlines for all types of difficult situations: link0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE