How to accept the unfairness?

Ok this is going to seem childish but need a little advice.

I ended a 2 and half year relationship with my ex because she cheated.

6 months later she's on her 2nd relationship. And while I've been on 2 dates it is so hard to meet someone new or even get a date.. It doesn't seem fair that she's screwed the relationship up yet gets to be with someone else to ease her heartache while I did nothing wrong but have endure lonely nights. This must have happened to someone else so what advice can you give me to deal with the unfairness


Most Helpful Girl

  • Guess what, that's life. It's not because she goes on dates and has a new relationship that it's as good as it was with you, could be a rebound, could be something more. Life isn't about fairness, I don't know what's it about, but not about being fair. It's hard and so annoying that people who screwed you over or did something else "wrong" or bad, have a good life and all good things coming to them, it feels like it's not right. I suggest you try to move on past that, take some "me time", enjoy your life and don't worry about what people have that you don't.

    It's like: I'm single, the rest of my friends all have a great relationship, "what have I done that I'm not in a good one?" well, God knows. But thinking about what's fair and what not only takes up time you can spend on better things ;)

    I don't know if all of this makes sense, but it's how I feel about it.

    • Thanks for your advice, your right there's no point thinking about the unfairness of it all when I could be having a laugh and making myself better. I'm generally OK with being alone its Saturdays and Fridays that are bad

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    • Your totally right, I think the fact that she rubs it in my face that she has someone isvmaking things hard for me I feel like if things were fair then she should feel what she's making me feel but things don't work out that way. At least I haven't lowered myself to a rebound.

    • Good for you! Don't let her bring you down. It's not about "winning a break up", it's about learning, moving on and living your life, loving your life. The best revenge is living a happy life ;)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • It's tough, I've been through the same feeling.

    Just think about it this way though:

    It's better that you wait to find the right girl that won't cheat on you, and leave you with heartache like she did.

    On the other hand, she will keep doing the same thing to all these guys, cheating on them, ending good relationships, and it will be hard for her to find permanent happiness. The little "high" you get being with someone/cheating on them fades, and she will be stuck with this bad reputation.

    Just keep meeting new people, stay confident and keep your head up, and you will find a great girl (:

    • Thank you, your right id rather be alone and wait for right girl rather than rebound just cause I'm lonely.

      I think its cause I have the impression the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. And I didn't get to do that I've had the hard way, but I think its to my benefit

  • Same thing happened to me 3 years ago and right now. I've been on both sides, the first time around I left my boyfriend for a guy I cheated on, I was pretty mean. Three years later, my boyfriend left me for someone he cheated on me with. So, I guess, what goes around comes around? Your ex will feel what it's like some day. But give her up, I was never going to go back to my ex, and my recent ex will probably never go back to me. And why anyways? They're no good to you.

    You're better with someone else :D

    • You right, it's funny because before me she got cheated on and then she cheated on me! I've heard this happens a lot.!

What Guys Said 1

  • What can I say? Same thing happened to me, more or less. Only I just set up dates for the almost immediate future after breaking up with her. Kicked her out of my life, and made it pretty public that I was with somebody new. When that is not an option, I just basically fill my time and energy with work, friends, family and hobbies, to keep my mind off of it.

    In your case, I suggest you keep busy, and stop looking into her life. It's only going to tick you off further, every time you hear good news. So stop searching for information on something you might not want to know about, unless you are damn sure you can tolerate the injustice of it, because sadly, life isn't fair.

    Keep busy, keep distracted. keep positive, keep her out of your life, and keep an open heart, and open mind when looking for somebody else. But seriously, be smart about how you act, if and when you do find somebody else. For starters, don't blame the new girl for what the old girl did. Do not expect the new girl to betray you like the old one did. Drop all paranoia. Drop all expectations. Just hope for the best, keep positive and for the love of GOD, do NOT talk about the ex unless explicitly asked, and even if you are, keep it short. Keep it to "it was a rough breakup. She cheated. I left her. I rather not dwell." and drop the subject entirely if you can.

    Furthermore, so long as you're keeping it in the past, and also severing all ties, don't expect to parade the new girl in front of your ex, thinking it will get you some kind of cheap revenge. It's been six months. Even if I TRULY think it's a good idea to do something like that, your window of opportunity closed quite a while ago. I honestly don't know if you are the kind of guy who was hoping for that, but if you were, I figure I'd tell you now, to save you the embarrassment and disappointment it would bring. And oh, there would have been a lot of it.

    So yeah, there's not much you can do about it, other than severing all ties, severing all methods of checking up on her, and vise-versa, and closing all possible forms of communication with the ex, in any way shape or form, just to complete this process.

    But I'll say it all again.

    Keep looking for somebody new.

    Keep busy.

    Keep distracted.

    Keep good friends around.

    Keep family around.

    Keep positive.

    Keep your ex the hell out of your life.

    Keep an open heart.

    Keep an open mind.

    That's what you can do. It's too late for revenge. Too late for justice.

    Life sucks. Life isn't fair. It's true. But life doesn't have to be that way.

    Life is also what you make of it.

    Good luck.

    • Wow thank you for taking the time and effort to give a detailed reply. Your right, I think the best thing to do is to distract myself, I've got friends family and Xbox, and nights out to keep me busy. I figure my time with a girl will come and at least it won't be a rebound

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    • Hi yeah your advice helped thanks mate. Iim just focusing on my making my life good.

    • Great. Glad to hear it.

      Was this answer the best, too, or does that go to somebody else?

      (Because I'm good enough just helping in the first place)