How do I break up with him?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. But at about 6 months in, we started to get a little rocky. My feelings for him started to change, I kept at the relationship because I thought it was just a phase, but months and months later I just can't stand to be around him anymore. We barely talk, see each other, and when we're together its so hard for me to kiss him, let alone hold his hand. It seems like we're only still together because we don't have the time to talk about anything. I care about him, and hurting him is what stops me from breaking it off, but I really need out. We both want different things, but he just doesn't want to accept it and keeps holding on. He was the jealous and clingy type from the start, but back then I thought it was cute, because well.. Everything is cute in the honeymoon stage -.- But its getting suffocating. He hates me talking to my male friends. Gets jealous when I go out with girl friends. He completely lost all of his friends because he doesn't give any effort into any of his other relationships since we dated.. He even goes through my phone and deletes my male contacts..

I don't know what to do. His family and mine are really close, and it would just make such a mess if I ended things. And in a way, I'm scared to because it's been so long. What's worse is that he stopped taking his anti-depressants when we started dating. Any suggestions? I'm really out of energy with this..


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  • Not breaking up with someone because it'll hurt him isn't an option. Staying in a relationship you don't want is hurting you and him as well. I suggest you meet up and get to the point. Tell him you don't feel the same anymore, your feelings have faded and you wanted to give it another chance but you're sure now that there's not enough left to build a relationship on. You want different things in life and you don't see that matching...ever.

    Don't stay with him because "it'll be such a mess between the families", they'll understand (eventually) that breaking up when the feelings are gone is the best option. Are you close to your mom or dad or sibling? If so, talk to them about it and see how they feel about it. Though if they advise you to stay with him, it'll only hurt you (and him) more.

    It seems like you're 100% sure you want out of the relationship, so you shouldn't take other people's opinion into account. Ok, so what if your family or his wants you to stay together? You'll stay with him for the rest of your life and be unhappy? If they don't understand, explain it to them and they'll realize that your happiness is an important factor here and you want to be honest and not hurt anyone, though that's hard when feelings are involved.

    Good luck!

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    • Thanks for that! You are right, just hard to get it through my head when I keep second guessing it. There's just never the right time though. We're both in the middle of our exams so I've left it, and as soon as our exams are over its his birthday, then Christmas. I don't want to be the heartless person who dumps someone during that time :/

    • But you don't want to be the heartless person who keeps him hanging on either. Yes, it'll suck getting dumped before his birthday, but then it's NYE so you can't break up with him either, then it's almost Valentine's day and before you know it, it's March and you're still together. If I were you, I'd choose a date between the end of exams and his birthday (but quite soon after the exams so it's not the day before his birthday).

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