Is his avoidance evidence of his feelings? He's the boss & 20 years younger than me

He owns the company; I'm the Office Mgr. we've worked together for two years. There's been an undercurrent of sexual tension for a least a year to 18 mos. We've had beers together and shared a great deal about our lives with each other as friends over the course of two years. He's been through a break-up (with the same girl twice - the second time she came back to him with an agenda: she wanted a baby - he said no.) I've dissolved a relationship as well, but the intent was not to start one with my boss.

A few months ago, he invited me to his place, we got drunk and yup, slept together. We talked about it a few days later, agreeing we both have wanted this to happen for a long time and that neither of us had lost respect for the other or felt taken advantage of in any way. We've slept together about four times since then. I'm a compartmentalizer, so while the sexual tension remains in the office, I am still able to do my job. He's reached out to me 80% of the time to get together; I've reached out 20%. My rationale being I don't want to pressure him, but be available to him. Over the last month, he's reached out and when I contact back, he's changed his mind. I do believe we both have feelings for each other. Neither of us is attached to anyone else - he doesn't really date, but he knows I do and that I have a few other men in my life, none of whom I'm serious about. There have been a few times I've asked him to come for dinner or texted him that I'd like to see him and I get no response. This has happened with some legit work texts as well (questions about things in the office). I sense this avoidance is his way of not dealing with the feelings he has. He has expressed what he wants to do to me when we're together, complimented me on my 'technique' in certain areas and in the same breath, tells me what a distraction it is in the office and that he's unclear and confused, but when I offer taking some time to sit and talk through it to come to some type of 'agreement' or 'boundaries' he avoids or postpones. We've only had one experience in the office - and have since agreed that going forward, the office is not the place for that or for discussions about the relationship. He doesn't open up to many people and I feel privileged to be a person with whom he feels comfortable enough with to share all of himself. However, the avoidance of me is a bit disconcerting and I'm not really sure how to move forward. I welcome any thoughts, opinions or insight. 1) Do you think he does have feelings for me is is not sure what to do? 2) Do I continue to wait for him to make a move or do I continue to reach out? I do have feelings for him and know our situation is only as complicated as we make it. I really just want some clarity from him about where we stand. - thank you.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Wait for the move --- until your patience has run its course.

    Because of your experiences with him, it should be perfectly acceptable to initiate contact.

    You (both) wise to keep it out of the workplace ("Don't swim in the secretarial pool.")

    The 80/20 is "games." Be more forthright.

    About your age difference: I went with a woman 13 years older than I. We were beautiful together.

    My wife was almost 25 years younger Our marriage lasted for almost 25 years before her death. It works both ways! :-)

    You'll get more advice in "Comments" as you tell more of your experiences.



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