Why would he want to have sex with me, but not commit to a relationship until my divorce is finalzed?

I've been separated from my husband for 4 years now. The divorce should be finalized within the next two weeks. I met a guy (2 months ago) who knew about the divorce status from the get go. After a couple dates he says he can't commit to being in a relationship with me until my divorce is final. He says he really likes me and wanted to stay as friends catching up every once in a while until the divorce was done. As we continued as friends having dinner at least once a week, the sex conversation came up and he said that if I wanted to, he would be willing to have an open relationship where we could sleep together and date other people.. again, until the divorce was finalized. His justification was that he didn’t want me to have false pretense about us being serious if we had sex. Of course, I told him that I would not give myself to a guy unless we are in a serious relationship. He said he understood and still wanted to keep the friendship status.. When we do get together he typically tries to talk me into sex.

How do I know if he's sincere about committing to a serious relationship after the divorce? I don't want to get my hopes up, pursue the relationship afterward only to find that when we do get intimate, he drops me. It's been two months and he's still around without sex. I want to believe him, but I don't want to be naive about it either.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Any guy that attempts to sleep with a married woman is as morally bankrupt as a guy that would date one. Neither is justifiable, in my opinion.

    If this guy is serious about committing to you, he would have desisted in pursuing you in any fashion until you are officially emancipated from your vows, which in my estimation proves he does not.

    Furthermore, there is a distinct difference in the way that a guy treats a woman he wants a relationships and a future with from the women he wants a fling with. Sex is important to most guys. However, the guy that is serious about being with you would patiently invest in getting to know you prior to making a move on you. It may sound corny, but his mindset would be to make love to you first after a bond has been established and then progress to a more costum style of sex later, as opposed to attempting to straight sex you without a emotional connection, as the guy you recently met has.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 2

  • He might just be after the sex... BUT I would understand why someone would want to wait until after a divorce is finalized. in his mind its still not 'officially over' and there's just maybe a glimmer in his thoughts of 'what if she changed her mind?'

    No man or woman would want to commit to someone who's still officially with someone else and then have them change their minds on you.

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  • You don't know if he's sincere. There is no magic sign. Also 60 days is not that damn long.

    This is getting stupid; I'm going to bed.

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What Girls Said 5

  • He's not. He just wants to fuck you.. because you aren't "available". Once the thrill is gone and you become "available" I guarentee he'll be on to the next.

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  • You know what? Finalize the divorce, then rock his world and yours. Have some mind-blowing sex, take away the pressure of commitment for now - you are just getting out of a marriage, for gosh sakes. Enjoy him and put the emotional attachments away. You are finalizing a divorce, so enjoy your liberation! You are tempted and you already know he may just be a player. But, sometimes players are fun for what little they are worth. Make this about the sex and companionship, but nothing more. That way, if he stays around longer, your expectations can go up naturally as the connection between you both develops. Otherwise, if there is sexual tension and you just want an outlet - go for it. If you are afraid of developing feelings, then start flirting with and enjoying other men for awhile. I would love to be in your shoes!

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  • So it's for certain you don't go back to your husband.

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  • Id be really careful with this guy- to me it sounds like he is feeding you a BS line. You say the divorce should be finalized in a couple of weeks- not that long of a time to wait- see what his answer is then...

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  • i think he just wants to get laid.

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