Why does she want to be my friend?

Hi all,

I had a long distance relationship with my ex girlfriend and decided not to pursue the relationship anymore fearing her an I will be hurt. I love the girl to death and during the breakup could not stop thinking about her. on many occasions, our common friends told me she kept asking about me, and as result, I decided to initiate contact with her. when reinitiated contact again, she was very receptive , told me how much she appreciates me, even pointing out that I am her first boyfriend. however, she wants us to be friends and ask me to give her time ( WHY) I am ready to be in a relationship with her. we talk very often and I always feel like she is not as emotionally involved as before ( is she hidding her feelings, or is she just not interested?) . I plan to visit her in our home town next month and she does not mind. I fear that I am wasting my time with her cos I have been waiting for 3 months.. please advise


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Seems to me she's being careful because you hurted her by breaking up with her. Try giving her some space and ask her if she wants to meet up a few days before your planning to go to her hometown. Tell her you want to talk about things and then just explain her how you felt when you broke up and what you want right now. Also listen to what she has to say.

    Talking in person always beats talking indirectly over phone or text/chat.

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    • She wants to be friends mostly likelu because she really cares for you and friends is better than not having you in her life . The reason she's so cautious now is because she's probley justc gotten to a point where she can see you just as a friend...and now you want more again. Your asking her to risk getting her heart hurt again by u. Which I bet she will risk it but you have to prove to her your not gonna do it again. Just be honest an open with her hun.

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    • No problem!

    • Thank you. your comments are helpful

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What Girls Said 1

  • She still has feelings for you and she is probably looking for signs from you if you want to be more than friends.

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What Guys Said 1

  • there are a lot of possibilities but the "why she wants to be friends" part is simple... she likes (as a friend and a bit more) you and wants you in her life

    as far as whether or not she has feelings beyond the friend zone...I'd say yes. But without knowing why you broke up I'd think that her feelings probably don't go beyond being friends. Being her first you hold a special place in her world. You are the first guy she had deep feelings for and probably judges every guy she meets in comparison to you. This is both a good and bad thing.. IF a guy doesn't match up she probably thinks, "well maybe I should just be with the first bf" if a guy matches up then she probably doesn't feel much in terms of reverence.

    So it's a hot and cold thing. As for you I think you just need to understand that more often than not you don't end up successfully getting back together with an ex. Of course there are exceptions but I'd wager that at some point in time 100% of people have tried to get back together with an ex and I'd be surprised if even 33% of those second attempts worked out... So I think you need to decide if you can only be her friend or if you really want more. If you want more you need to either express that feeling or be patient and hope she comes around BUT always be prepared for frustration and disappointment. But I think it's smartest if you still consider all possibilities and the ex/friend is just another possibility but don't limit yourself to just her as a possibility as you may miss other great potential relationships

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